The tortured soul
by onlyone87
Summary: Starts at the wedding in 5.12. Lucus dangerously daydreams leading him down a path he never wanted to go.
1. Fallen

**A/N: Hey, this is my first One Tree Hill story so I hope it is okay. This did not actually start out for this programme but it suddenly seemed to fit and with a few adjustments, here we are. It will eventually be Leyton for anyone wondering and starts at the dreaded wedding. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: ***_**sigh*, **_**I own nothing. Not one little bit.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_We all begin with good intent  
Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past can be undone  
But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
In the lonely light of morning  
In the wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
I've held so dear._

I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...

_(Sarah McLachlan - Fallen)_

The vintage church kept up with the rustic feel of the town. Not small but not overly large the building was partially covered in moss. If a person listened closely, they could almost hear the stories that this building had to tell. The ageing wooden doors at the entrance opened revealing an interior, which looked far newer, then the rest of the place. It was decorated nicely and the designer had gone with the traditional colours. Flowers covered most of the available surfaces and each of the pews held just the right amount of people. At the front the priest stood next to two men, each waiting eagerly for the next few moments.

Becoming restless one of the men in tuxedos glanced once again at his watch and sighed. Time seemed to be moving faster then anyone could anticipate and people were becoming uncomfortable. As he turned to gaze at Nathan, he noticed the shrug the other man gave and sighed again. Lucus knew he could not hold on much longer. It was taking every ounce of strength he had not to look at the dreaded pew to his left. He knew if he did it would certainly be his undoing... she would be his undoing. Shifting his body to soothe his aching feet he looked at the floor and contemplated how he could possibly have got to this point. It seemed like years since he was happy. Of course deep down he knew that was likely to be the truth. Unfortunately, his thoughts were interrupted as the music began to play. Whipping his head up he looked on as the guests readjusted their seated positions to pretend they had been eagerly awaiting the upcoming arrival.

"Thank God".

Hearing his brother's words he rolled his eyes and turned to glare, hushing the words that were about to follow.

Gasps reached his ears and he looked over at the approaching women. All of them looked angelic and each wore a smile trying to calm him. The problem was it seemed to have the reverse effect and he could feel the nerves building with each step they took. Haley's smile was more noticeable then the others and he knew she could see through him. His legs had gone from a painful ache to more of an itch. His body and heart wanted to run, it was a shame his head was not quite following. Reaching the front the small party all moved to the side and then the aisle was clear. By now, fear had completely gripped him and he could almost feel the emotion choking him. It was wrong... this whole situation was wrong. He had never meant to propose and she should never have said yes. Although blaming her was a little far fetched but was his love for another woman not blindingly obvious. Unless when it came to him, she was slightly short-sighted.

Reaching up he pulled at his tie trying to rid himself of the lump in his throat. He was a man of words... he always had been... but now he was more then likely going to choke on his vows. Lowering his hands quickly he clasped them in front of him tightly warding off any of the stares he could feel. He could see Nathan and Haley staring at him, they probably thought he was going to make a dash for the door. To be truthful he thought it too.

Before his thoughts could reach his limbs and convey the message to leave, it began. She was walking down the aisle towards him. He smiled trying to convey his false feelings but his eyes betrayed him. He had tried so hard to stare at his fiancé but at the last second they moved to the forbidden place. Wedged tightly between the wood and Brooke with Skill's hand on her shoulder it was almost as if they were holding her down. Internally he chuckled, it looked like he was not the only one who wanted to leave. Squinting to look more closely he noticed the single tear roll down her cheek. Sobering quickly he watched as she looked up from the floor. Her eyes held more pain then he had ever seen before in another person. The betrayal was obvious and he wanted nothing more then to go to her and hold her. He wanted to save her.

Feeling a nudge to his side, he broke from the trance. Nathan was glaring at him and he turned back to Lindsey. She was in front of him. This was it. Grasping her hand, he hoped it would give the motivation he needed. It failed but it was too late now. Turning to the priest, he nodded and smiled waiting for what he knew was certainly going to be the end. He felt like a man on death row. It was almost as if he was waiting for the deadly current.

Breathing deeply he began echoing the words... the vows which should be cherished but he could not help but hate. Then came the moment... everyone waited with baited breath. Many were sure he would decline.

_His thoughts whirled around and he saw himself outside by the lake where he first met her. The other half of himself. Looking around he noticed everyone watching as the sun beat down. The guests were seated by the water and a small arch provided some form of shelter. Hearing the priest repeat his question, he turned back to the woman in front of him. Only this time the eyes were green not blue. Peyton. He could see her face so clearly through the thin veil she wore. She astounded him and he became mesmerized by her open features. The love he saw there made his heart sore. Smiling at her, he lifted his hand and cupped her cheek stroking it with his thumb. This was what he wanted... more than anything. Opening his mouth, he said the words that to him felt like his destiny._

_"I do"._

"Okay".

The priests answer brought him back and his dream evaporated as quickly as it had taken hold of him. Blinking a few times, he cleared his sight and glanced around slowly. Lindsey. He was back in the church. He could not do this. He had to stop the wedding. As he went to say something, anything to halt this ceremony, the woman in front spoke.

"I do".

With that, his fate was sealed. It was over before it had begun. The priest's final words felt like nails slowly sealing him into his coffin.

"You may now kiss the Bride".

As those words echoed around the church, he grimaced internally. He wanted so badly to go back. It was too late. Putting a smile on his face, he lent forward and kissed his new wife. Pulling back, he turned and walked towards the open doors with Lindsey. The aisle seemed to get longer with every step. As he walked by the pew, which held his heart, he heard a sob. Closing his eyes, he tried unsuccessfully to bloke it out. Her tears had always affected him but today it was worse. Especially knowing he was the reason. Not even Peyton could be held responsible for this mess. Nearing the end of the aisle, he heard Lindsey whisper to him.

"This is the first day of the rest of our lives."

Smiling falsely he turned and kissed the top of her head. He could hear everyone following them as they went to exit. As they hit the steps outside the church, he could not help the continued mantra that echoed throughout his mind and stabbed at his heart.

'This is the last day of the rest of my life.'

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Thank you for reading. One question though I'm not entirely sure whether I should continue. Therefore, if you want me to tell me because I do have a plot figured out.**


	2. Take a Bow

**A/N: Thank you very much the reviews, as you can see I decided to carry on. Somewhat obvious really. I know this sort of story has been done before but I had an idea an I'm going to run with it. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_The flowers are faded now  
Along with your letters  
They will never see the light of day  
Cause I'll never take them out  
And there's no turning back  
It's for the better  
Baby I deserve more than empty words  
And promises  
I believed everything you said  
And I give you the best I have  
Oh._

_So take a bow.  
Cause you've taken everything else  
You played the part, like a star you played it so well  
Take a bow  
'cause this scene is coming to an end  
I gave you love. All you give me was pretend  
So now... Take a bow_

_(Leona Lewis - Take a bow)_

It was over. No more 'True Love Always'. She did not know what was worse; the fact that she had lost him or the fact that it was her fault. She knew she should have said yes, but who would want to marry at 19. Someday... that had been her answer. However, her version of the word was far different to his. They were so young and he had broken her heart so many times before. She had loved him for years and had successfully managed to hold it in. It seemed to her that she always did the fighting and the chasing. When did Lucas Scott ever fight for her?

With every relationship he had, she soon became the other woman... the one that destroyed the couple. Not this time though, and for that thought she felt guilty. She knew that if she had met Lindsey under different circumstances she would have liked her. That was the problem... as much as she wanted to hate her she could not. It was not Lindsey's fault she had fallen in love. It was his. When she had told Lindsey she did not like her, she had lied. It seemed to be easier on her heart to hate. So here she would sit... in this church and glare at the woman who had successfully stolen Lucas' heart.

She could not look at him though. She had a glimpse when Skills first dragged her into the church. It seemed her feet had somehow stopped working when she walked up the steps to the entrance. It took a slight tug on her hand to get her to continue. That was when she had seen him. The first and last time. He had looked perfect. At the sight of him her eyes had began to water and she snatched the tissue that Brooke had offered her. It seemed that everyone was watching her and waiting. A silent countdown had begun around the church to see how long it took. Would she breakdown or run. Breathing in deeply she had calmed herself down and followed her friends to the chosen pew. It was close to the alter but far enough that she was out of reach. It seemed like fate to her. She had always been close to Lucas but far enough away that he never seemed to see her. She always had to make it obvious how she felt.

Everyone became restless after a while. It seemed Lindsey was making him wait. Maybe it was a test. She might have wanted to see if he would wait for her. Stifling a sob Peyton heard Brooke speak beside her.

"You'll be fine... we're all here with you".

That seemed to be her mantra. She did not know whether her friends said those words for her or for their own benefit. They all wanted to believe she would be okay. She just knew that she would never be fine.

The music started and she watched as Haley and the others walked past. Gasps echoed around the crowded church and she felt a stab of pain deep within. This was meant to be her day... everyone had told her so. It was a shame he never believed that. Lucas had without a doubt destroyed her and there was no way back.

She still remembered vividly the day she first noticed him.

'That's me inside your head'.

She could hear his voice echoing around her mind. It was like a crash how the feelings had assaulted her. She never realised one boy could and would change her entire life. She had never loved anyone so fiercely.

Looking down at the floor, she felt Brooks hand in hers and Skills grasping her shoulder. It was as if they thought she was going to leave. Chuckling at the thought of her friends tackling her if she tried to make a break for it she looked up.

It was too late to look away as her gaze met Lucas's.

He was waiting for Lindsey. It was a shame he had never wanted to wait for her. Obviously, he had never loved her as much as he claimed. The book was a lie and she wished more than anything she could escape. A tear rolled down her cheek as she locked eyes with him. She did not bother to wipe it away... she wanted him to know what this was doing. He was cruel. Who would invite their old love to their wedding? Who would make someone watch as their dreams were crushed? She had always excused his behaviour in the past, but this time she came up empty handed. He had no excuse. It seemed as though he was punishing her for her behaviour years ago.

She felt betrayed.

Feeling Brooke's hand squeeze her own she glanced away. She did not need the added pain of watching him hate her. She despised the fact that she could not help but love him. It seemed fate had really done a number on her.

She heard Jamie behind her ask for the toilet and Millicent deciding to take him. If only she had been seated next to the young boy. Then she would have had an excuse to leave. Waiting outside would have been far less painful.

Sighing she looked back towards the couple. They stood in front of the priest and she listened as he asked Lucas the question that was without doubt her undoing. She could see people watching her, almost as if they were waiting for her to cause a scene. She managed to ignore them but only because she was enthralled in the scene before her. She wanted him to decline more than anything. If he loved her at all, this would be the moment to prove that. Peyton could feel herself leaning forward slightly so she would not miss a word. Her hope was destroyed as she watched him raise his hand and stroke Lindsey's cheek. Then he uttered the words that she dreaded.

"I do".

It was over. Leaning back, Peyton zoned out for the rest of the ceremony. She was too lost in her thoughts. Moments between her and Lucas flashed through her mind. From their first meeting to the last day of high school. For a while, they had been happy. Then everything fell apart.

Guests began to stand and Peyton was interrupted from her thoughts. Watching the couple turn and step down from the alter Peyton sighed. He looked happy but something in his eyes told her otherwise. It was too late now though. He had made this so called bed; it was time for him to lie down. He should definitely take a bow for this performance.

A sob escaped her throat and she turned to Brooke helplessly as the newly married couple passed. As everyone left the church, she stayed held in her best friend's arms as she cried.

She heard a guest mutter something about this being the first day of the rest of their lives. She could not help the chocked laugh that escaped her. It may be true for Lucas but for her, she seemed empty. Devoid of any emotion but sorrow, she felt Brooke's hand rub her arm soothingly trying to calm her. Everyone had finally left apart from her friends. Haley and Nathan stood by Skills and Mouth forming a semi circle around the two friends. They were protecting her from the outside world and for that, she was grateful. Breathing in she managed to stop her sobbing. She took the tissue that Brooke offered and dried her eyes. She needed to hold herself together until later. She could breakdown tonight. Dabbing at her face to dry her tear tracks she smiled weakly at her friend.

"Did you bring the tissues for you or me?"

Laughing Brooke stood slowly and pulled Peyton up.

"Honey... I never cry at weddings".

Looking at the circle of friends Peyton smiled and nodded at their silent questions.

"I'm okay".

With that she turned and walked towards the doors with the others following. Brooke's hand was still tightly clasped in her own. She needed some form of encouragement to do this. Stopping at the top step, she breathed in the clean air. They would be off to Tric for the party. She could do this... a party was not going to be that bad. With the internal debate settled, she continued her way down the steps with the others. However, she could not help the mantra that continued around her mind and stabbed painfully at her heart.

"It's over - This was the last day of the rest of my life.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Okay, so I was thinking of bringing a character back, does anyone have any suggestions / requests. It can't be Karen though because she will be in it later on anyway. I was thinking maybe Derek for a bit of brotherly support. Thanks for reading. The next chapter is the party.**


	3. No good

**A/N: Thanks again for all your reviews. Just so, you all know this story is not going to be all angsty and revolve around Peyton crying non-stop. Maybe just for a little bit but then I promise there will be happy parts. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_It's illogical and it's outrageous  
The way I let you keep me hanging on  
Your character is that contagious  
I know I should have thought before I had done  
I've gone and let my impulse be my guide  
And on that note, I'll be defenceless for some time  
_

_I'm moving in reverse  
Under your mighty curse  
I hate myself for loving you  
I turn my head away  
But my heart will remain  
Till the day I learn you're no good for me_

_(Kate Voegele - No good)_

The group arrived, and looked on in awe, as the club seemed to have been transformed entirely. There were beautiful decorations everywhere with a path of flowers and balloons leading into the building. At the sight of the pictures of the happy couple plastered on the walls, Peyton felt her heart stir. Sensing her friends discomfort Brooke grabbed her hand.

"You okay".

For fear of her voice cracking with sadness, Peyton nodded and followed the others to the table. The club was crowded and people were busy taking their designated seats. Peyton had hoped her table would have been outside. That would have been a safe distance but unfortunately, fate had intervened. So here she was one table away from the newly weds. Brooke and Skills sat either side of her, once again blocking any escape. Haley and Nathan sat beside Skills with Jamie between them, and Mouth and Millicent were beside Brooke.

Unfortunately, the bride had decided round tables would be best. That just added onto the growing list of reasons for Peyton to hate her. Looking around she felt slightly on display. This ridiculous shaped table meant all of her friends could keep an eye on her. It was her own personal show... how long would it be before the poor, fragile ex-girlfriend had yet another breakdown.

Food and drink was served and Peyton had more then welcomed the wine. She was no where near drunk but she was well on her way. As she went to reach for her glass, someone moved it out of reach. Turning to the owner of the hand, she glared and got ready to verbally abuse the bully. Laughing at the look on her face Skills shrugged.

""Come on P. Sawyer; let's show them how it's done".

"What?"

Indicating the dance floor with a nod of his head, he got up and offered her his hand. As she grabbed it, Brooke mouthed a thank you to Skills.

The others watched her go feeling slightly helpless.

"We need to help her".

Turning to Nathan, Brooke sighed at his statement.

"Yeah... but you know P. Sawyer... she'll heal when she's ready".

Nodding in agreement Haley grabbed her husband's hand providing him some comfort. Smiling, Brooke turned to Mouth and changed the subject.

"Hey gorgeous we all know you can dance."

Laughing at the turn of events Mouth got up and pulled Millicent and Brooke up with him.

"Ladies".

The trio headed to the dance floor with Nathan and Haley shortly after.

As Peyton danced with Skills in the circle of her friends, she lost herself into the music and felt more calm then she had all day. Music had always been her safety net and every song had a new meaning. As the next song started Haley turned to Peyton with a look of accomplishment.

"It's Mia's song".

Laughing at the excitement the normally reserved Haley showed Peyton bowed jokingly to her friends.

"That was all me you know", looking at Haley's raised eyebrow she added, "Haley may have helped".

Nodding at the continued statement Haley smiled.

"Better", turning she grabbed Nathan's hand as he drew her in. Just as he spun her, Jamie ran over and pulled on their hands. Looking down at the interruption Nathan stopped dancing,

"You okay Jamie".

Nodding enthusiastically Jamie pointed to where Lily and Karen sat with Andy. Seeing his person of interest Haley bent down level with him.

"What's wrong Sweetie".

"I want to dance with Lily".

Laughing at his son's forwardness Nathan stroked Jamie's hair.

"My Son... a hit with the ladies".

Shaking her head Haley put her hand on Jamie's shoulder,

"Well go and ask her", as he ran off she called after him, "Be polite".

Turning back to her husband who still wore a remarkably smug grin Haley sighed,

"Okay Player, I agree he is definitely your son."

Laughing Nathan pulled her closer and continued to sway,

"Well we are both incredibly good looking".

Peyton was beginning to enjoy herself as Skills twirled her around. Looking up at Mouth, he nodded and they both switched. Laughing at Brooke's baffled face Peyton grabbed her hand and continued to sway. She was okay providing she did not listen too closely to the words of the song. Why did Mia have to be heartbroken when she wrote her music? Rolling her eyes at her straying thoughts, she concentrated on dancing with Mouth and Brooke. As the song finished the sounds of a disco beat sounded. Everyone stopped dancing and looked at Mouth and Peyton expectantly. Looking over at his partner Mouth smiled and offered his hand,

"Up for re-creating old times".

She was enjoying herself at the moment and she saw no reason to end it. Shrugging her shoulders, Peyton grabbed hold of his hand as their friends cleared a gap on the dance floor.

Listening to 'Disco Inferno', the group clapped along watching the pair dance the all too familiar routine they had done years ago. For the first time all day, Peyton actually looked happy.

Watching the dance floor part slightly Lucas and Lindsey looked up from their conversation. Raising a hand to her mouth Lindsey stifled a laugh. She may have disliked Peyton but the woman could dance. The dancing duo seemed to be coordinated, it was almost as if they had rehearsed this. Lucas however was thrown back into the memory. She had looked good that night dressed up like the Angel of Death. His heart started to beat faster as he remembered the more carefree girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She may have been upset about her life then but she still laughed. Now it seemed the adult version of her had been beaten down to the point of no return. Smiling sadly, he watched entranced as she laughed with Mouth. He would have given anything for it to be him. Shaking his head, he turned back to Lindsey trying desperately to get rid of Peyton's image from his mind.

As the dance wound down everyone burst into applause. Hugging Mouth, Peyton nervously laughed as if she had just realised she was the centre of attention. Looking at her partner, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"What was that for", he asked slightly confused.

"It was a thank you... your a good friend Mouth".

Smiling he hugged her again and then turned his attention back to his girlfriend who was in awe of her boyfriends dance moves.

"Damn P. Sawyer... you still got it".

Whipping her head round at Skills and Brooke, she shrugged,

"It felt good".

Grabbing her hand Skills led her and Brooke into another dance as the new song flowed throughout the club.

Out of the corner of her eye, Brooke noticed a sight that stopped her movements.

"Aw"

Hearing Brooke speak everyone looked round to see Jamie leading Lily onto the dance floor. Turning to Nathan, Haley smiled,

"This is such a picture moment".

Standing there, all of the friends took in the sight of the cousins freely dancing away with not a care in the world. Who knew dancing could be such a good way of realising problems.

xxxxx

An hour later, everyone sat exhausted in their chairs and tried to get their breathing back.

"Okay... why do I feel like a 50 year old"?

Chuckling at Peyton's statement Skills patted her hand that rested on the table.

"Well Skinny Girl you aren't a spring chicken anymore".

Turning her head quickly in mock annoyance Peyton slapped his arm while the others laughed. Crossing her arms in front of her, she lent on the table.

"I am very youthful I'll have you know".

"Aw Honey...your out of practice that's all".

Looking over at Brooke, Peyton smiled.

"Not the only one by the looks of your flushed cheeks".

"Okay it's settled... we need more dancing get together's".

Agreeing with Haley's statement the group began idling chatting. Soon the conversation turned to Basketball. Peyton smiled, as the group seemed to have silently agreed to ignore all conversation involving the couple of interest. Haley began to get up and at the questioning look from everyone else pointed to Lucas across the hall.

"I'm going to go... you know".

Looking at everyone's sudden interest in her Peyton shrugged her shoulders.

"Guys, go. You can still talk to them. I'm going to the office a second... I forgot something."

Putting on what she hoped was her best resolve face she stood and walked off to her office closing the door to mute the sound of the party.

Leaning against the door she breathed deeply calming herself. She needed to escape just for a while. She had always liked to have her own space occasionally. Especially with everyone treating her like she was about to break. Walking over to her desk, she sat down slowly and lent back closing her eyes.

After a few minutes, she heard the door in front of her open softly and click closed. Sighing she spoke without looking at the intruder.

"Look I'm okay... I just need a breather okay... stop worrying".

Not getting an answer Peyton opened her eyes and looked at the person in front of her reeling back slightly in confusion.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Sorry to leave this chapter here, but I have reason. Okay I've never done this before but I had an idea. Actually, I'm a bit stuck because I've written two possible outcomes. The person who came into her office is either Lucas OR Lindsey. Now seeing as I'm not too sure which one to have I thought I'd let you lot decide. A vote of some sorts. So if people want to leave a review with the name of the person they want it to be and the one with the most votes is chosen. I hope this works. Thanks.**


	4. Love song

**A/N: Wow, I have never had so many reviews for so little chapters, so thank you. You are all definately my favourite people ever. Okay about the vote... well it worked but there were more people who wanted Lindsey to be chosen then I predicted. Therefore, it was almost a draw. However, I had a solution, which is fairly obvious as your read. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am home again  
Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am whole again  
Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am young again  
Whenever I'm alone with you  
You make me feel like I am fun again_

_However far away I will always love you  
However long I stay I will always love you  
Whatever words I say I will always love you  
I will always love you_

_(The Cure - Love song)_

_'After a few minutes, she heard the door in front of her open softly and click closed. Sighing she spoke without looking at the intruder._

_"Look I'm okay... I just need a breather okay... stop worrying"._

_Not getting an answer Peyton opened her eyes and looked at the person in front of her reeling back slightly in shock.'_

"Leave".

Standing from her chair Peyton leant over the desk and glared at the person. Resting her hands palm down aggravation built up inside.

"Okay... just... I need to say something".

"No as far as I'm concerned we are done".

"I'll go as soon as you listen to me".

Sighing at the fact that she was not going to win Peyton crossed her arms shielding herself from whatever words were about to follow.

"Fine... what do you want Lindsey... haven't we already said everything possible to each other".

Walking forward slightly Lindsay smoothed an invisible crease from her dress trying to gain some courage... she wanted to say this. She had watched Lucas all day and for most of it, he had been in either his own world or staring at the woman in front of her. It was not Peyton's fault he was refusing to let her go. However, Lindsay felt somewhat grateful that she had not interfered. She knew he loved her as he had said 'I do' in the church. The love was in his eyes and the way he had stroked her cheek... she had never been more in love with him. She had attended a few weddings before but none of the other grooms had been as affectionate. It was just a shame he still relied so much on his ex-girlfriend.

It was ridiculous how most brides wish for one thing - that the groom attends. Not her though she had been praying that Peyton remained seated in the church. For most of the service, she had been sure that an outburst was inevitable. She had been proven wrong though and for that, she was grateful. Lindsey did not hate her; she just hated what Peyton was... the woman who held a secret part of Lucas's heart. She had read the books and for a while had been sure that Lucas and Peyton were the epic romance. She had not been lying when she said she had been rooting for them. Now she wished he had never written the ridiculous book.

She just had to resign herself to the fact that Peyton would always be there. All she could do was take comfort in the fact that he loved her, and had married her... the Lucas and Peyton romance had to over. Swallowing hard Lindsey looked at Peyton's bowed head and began.

"I know this is hard".

Hearing a snort Lindsey looked up and glared.

"I know you hate me but could you just listen to me for one minute".

"Go on", rolling her eyes Peyton tilted her head waiting for Lindsey to continue.

"I wanted... to say... thank you".

"What?"

Sighing Lindsay lifted her hands in the air exasperated.

"Look I'm his editor and I know what goes into his books. He wrote a love letter to you Peyton. He will always be tied to you because of that. Then there's the fact that he hadn't written a thing for a second novel until you turned up. One meeting with you and he's up until dawn typing. I don't know why I'm telling you this but... it kills me when he looks at you. Everyone is in a room but he manages to somehow find you. But you see there is one thing I have over you... he loves and married me."

"Are you done yet?" Peyton asked getting uncomfortable. Moreover, she really wanted to slap Lindsey across her man-face.

Shaking her head Lindsey laughed hollowly.

"No I'm not. Now you know as well as I do that he wanted you here more than any of his other friends. When I heard he had invited you I was sure that was it... you would make a scene. So all in all I came to apologize."

"Apologize?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry. I never wanted to think you were evil but... I really did feel threatened by you. When I said that in the library I wasn't joking... or trying to rub salt in the wounds. I just wanted you to like me but... well you've pretty much made your feelings clear since we first met. So I'll leave you alone. I just wanted to say thank you for today. You're a good friend to him."

To avoid the awkward silence that had followed her admission Lindsey went to leave.

"What was he like?"

Hearing the question Lindsey stopped and turned back to face Peyton.

"What do you mean?"

Clearing her throat Peyton tried again.

"What was he like... when you first met him"?

Smiling sadly at the memories of the struggling author she had first been introduced to Lindsey whispered her answer. She suddenly felt the need to be honest with the other woman.

"Broken".

Nodding sadly Peyton tried to keep her emotions in check. Lindsey was the last person she ever wanted to breakdown in front of.

"Despite you thinking I'm the devil incarnate... I do love him," Lindsey said standing slightly straighter.

Hearing the words that she remembered saying to Brooke years ago when she had stolen Lucas, Peyton looked down. She had not realised until now how much it hurt to hear those words from Lucas's new partner. It was no wonder Brooke had hated her. Nodding Peyton looked up and smiled sadly.

Embarrassed by her words Lindsey turned and went to walk away. Looking up at the fleeing woman Peyton called her back.

"Lindsey", as she turned Peyton smiled again. "Congratulations".

Nodding her head in acknowledgment Lindsey offered a small smile and left the room. As the door shut, Peyton sat back into her chair.

"Bitch".

She really needed a stiff drink. It was hard to believe that only a while ago she was happy and enjoying this ridiculous party. How could the bride thank her? She was in love with the woman's groom.

Shaking her head at the stupidity of it all Peyton closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto the headrest. She could feel the emotion building within her again but refused to cry.

Feeling a single tear roll down her cheek she breathed deeply and wiped it away. Later... Brooke had promised her that she could cry later. Revelling in the quiet room Peyton relaxed slightly trying to steer her thoughts down a different path.

Hearing the door open once again Peyton threw her arms up frustrated.

"Okay seriously now what".

Hoping this time, it was one of her friends she called out to them.

"I haven't slit my wrists yet".

Holding his arms in mock surrender Lucas entered the room cautiously.

"Don't do anything involving blood... I don't want to have to change the carpet".

Hoping the light-hearted joke might break the tension Lucas sighed as she glared at him.

Seeing whom it was Peyton rolled her eyes and let out the breath she had been holding.

"Luke I'm not in the mood to fight".

"I didn't come here to argue Peyton. I saw Lindsey leave and I..."

Laughing Peyton stood and walked around her desk. Leaning back, she crossed her arms.

"Let me guess you wanted to see if she had battered me into oblivion."

"Why are you acting like this?"

Laughing hollowly at the question Peyton stood and walked towards him.

"You tell me".

Pensively he stayed still refusing to move back as she advanced.

"I'm sorry".

Laughing Peyton turned in a circle clapping to an imaginary audience.

"Once again we have the typical Lucas Scott catch phrase".

"Peyton", he whispered grabbing her arms to stop her.

"No Luke... you don't get to say sorry... you never mean it. Not when I'm concerned."

"I'm sorry", he repeated hoping to break through her walls.

"Luke stop it... just go".

Her eyes watering at his gentle tone Peyton shook her head and tried to pull back. Feeling her slight struggle Lucas gripped her tighter.

"I am Peyton... sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Do you love her"?

Reeling his head back slightly he nodded. He did love Lindsey he just could not let go of Peyton.

"Then you did hurt me Lucas".

Pushing him away, Peyton hit his chest and struggled as he tried to grab her hands again.

"You broke my heart... you kissed me and then proposed to her... you said 'I do' after I told you I loved you. I came back to this hurtful town for you. And to top it off it's your wedding day… your WEDDING day Lucas… and I had to have a front seat view. So... now I'm letting you move on."

With one final push, she let go of him and moved back to her desk. Anger at him seeped from every pore and she looked right through him.

"Please… get the hell out of my office."

As he went to leave, Peyton's voice stopped him in his tracks. With his back to her, she watched his shoulders tense in anticipation.

"Luke... when you're lying in bed tonight next to your wife... think about this. I ask you if you love her and all you could do was nod. For a writer you're a man of very words."

Sighing he felt his eyes water slightly. She hated him and that was obvious. Closing his eyes to ward of the sadness building, he left as quietly as he had entered. Hearing the door click shut the anger left her body and Peyton fell to the floor. Later was too far away and breaking her promise to Brooke she broke down. Sobbing uncontrollably Peyton rested her head on her bent knees. She should have stayed at home.

**xxxxxxxx**

Brooke had been worried at the length of time that Peyton had been gone for. The woman was still delicate despite how much happier she seemed earlier. Excusing herself from the conversation with the good-looking barman Brooke walked towards the office. Nearing the door she bumped into Lucas as he walked out of the door she was about to enter. Standing there with her hands on her hip, she scowled at him.

"Lucas Scott if you have done anything to upset her I will kill you".

As she got a look at his face, she stepped back slightly seeing his bloodshot eyes. He looked generally upset. Shaking his head at her question, he walked towards the men's room.

"I would never hurt her Brooke".

Watching him walk away Brooke hesitantly opened the office door.

"He really is blind to her pain".

It was starting to annoy her how much Lucas seemed to be oblivious to the hurt he was causing her best friend. She had returned to Tree Hill to help Peyton and all she seemed to have accomplished is gain a front row seat to her friend becoming more beaten down.

Stepping into the room, she heard the sounds of despair. Running forward she noticed Peyton sobbing on the floor. Rushing to her, she knelt down and wrapped her friend in her arms.

"Sh... it will be okay... it will be okay," she whispered resting Peyton's head on her shoulder.

She needed this. All day she had bottled it in and she needed to let it out before the grief killed her. For fifteen minutes, Brooke held Peyton as she let go of the sadness she was consuming. After some time she began to calm and her sobs turned to slight tears gently falling down her cheeks. Kissing the top of her head Brooke stroked Peyton's hair soothing her. Finally, the tears stopped and Peyton felt emotionally drained. Thinking about what Lindsey had said earlier, she remembered her realisation about Brooke, and hesitantly spoke her voice cracking.

"Brooke".

"Yeah ".

"I'm sorry I got between you and Lucas years ago... I'm sorry I broke your heart".

Laughing at the words Brooke kissed the top of Peyton's head.

"Honey... believe me, I'm sorry I got between the epic romance you two had".

"Can you believe he apologised"?

As if that answered her silent question, Brooke replied.

"So that's what happened".

"Yeah I told him to leave me alone once and for all."

"Good... that boy has messed with you for far too long".

"Thanks Brooke... for coming to get me".

"Anytime... you know that."

Drying her eyes with the tissue Brooke had given her Peyton looked at her friend.

"Lindsey was in here".

"When".

"Before Lucas... that's what made him come in. She actually had the nerve to thank me for not making a scene".

"Seriously".

Sadly, Peyton looked down and nodded.

"This situation sucks so much. Am I that much of a Bitch people expect me to destroy a wedding".

"Okay listen to me", taking a deep breath Brooke grabbed Peyton's hand. "You are not a Bitch... you are an intelligent, beautiful, young woman who is... heartbroken. Guaranteed, you can be slightly tortured at times... but you will heal. You have me, and together we have an amazing family of friends."

Sniffing Peyton felt more tears run down her cheeks. All those years ago, people had questioned why she was best friends with this woman in front of her. It was at times like this that she remembered the reason. Brooke was the most stable thing in her pathetic life. Without her friend she would never have survived.

"Now Honey... you know I love you... and I am always going to take your side. But doesn't Lindsey deserve for you to take the high road... she did approach you kind of nicely".

Peyton dried her eyes and shook her head.

"She probably has an ulterior motive."

Smiling at how her friend's intricate mind worked Brooke rubbed her arm.

"Well if she has, then you can't let her see you like this. Go to the bathroom and get some water on your face. Then join us at the table... I think Skills wants another dance".

Laughing at the thought Peyton stood with the help of Brooke.

"Okay", she said quietly.

Leaving the office the women split up and Peyton went to the bathroom. All alone in there she stood in front of the mirror. She looked a mess. Shaking as a shiver went down her spine she leant over the sink and dabbed her eyes with cold water. Using her fingers to comb down her hair she looked at her reflection again. She did not look as bad but she definitely felt worse. Breathing in calmly, she closed her eyes and tried to bury her emotions. After a few minutes she deemed herself ready and went to the door.

It had to be a joke. As Peyton left the confines of her office, she headed back to the table. Her friends all looked up as she drew closer; each one had an apologetic look etched on their face. Baffled Peyton slowed to a stop and turned to look behind her. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary, she went to step forward.

That is when it happened. The music playing penetrated the fog clouding her mind. The lyrics settled on her thoughts as she listened to The Cure's Love Song. She remembered telling Lucas this was her favourite song in high school. She had told him how much it made her think of him. It had been on the CD she had made him... the one he had left on the bed when he had destroyed them.

Looking around she watched him exit the toilet and be grabbed by Lindsey to dance. Seeing him dragged onto the dance floor, she hastily walked back to the table and collected her things. She had to leave.

Watching her friend run towards the table, Brook turned to Haley.

"This is not good", she said, vocalising what everyone else seemed to be thinking.

Grabbing her bag Peyton turned back to the dance floor and stopped moving. He was looking right at her. Lindsey's head rested on his shoulder but it was Peyton he was staring at. Almost apologetically, he watched as another tear fell from Peyton's eye. She was going to break... again. She could not believe she had actually thought she might be done with the crying. Feeling each word of the song batter, her already bruised heart Peyton snapped out of the trance and turned to her friends.

"I'm going to..."

Not able to finish for fear of crying Peyton indicated the door with her hand. Nodding Brooke reached out and squeezed her friend's hand.

"Okay... do you want me to come with you"?

Shaking her head at the question Peyton answered.

"No, you stay... have fun".

With that, she pulled away from Brooke's hand and walked as quickly as possible to the exit.

Looking back at the group Brooke grabbed her bag.

"I can't let her go alone... despite what she says".

As she went to stand, Nathan placed his hand on her arm and stood.

"I'll go", turning to look at Haley for an agreement he smiled when she spoke.

"I'll see you at home... Jamie's tired so I'll put him to bed."

Nodding he leant over and kissed her, then ruffling Jamie's hair he ran across the dance floor following Peyton's hasty retreat.

As he ran down the steps and burst through the door, he noticed her standing by the car. She seemed almost frozen. Walking up to her carefully, so he did not frighten her he reached out a hand and touched her arm. Spinning at the feel of someones hand Peyton looked up surprised to see Nathan. He seemed to have switched places with his brother as her rescuer. It seemed she was right all those years ago when she said he was a martyr. Maybe she should never have left him for Lucas. Then again they were worthy of the worst couple ever award.

He softened instantly at the look of pure despair on his friend's face. Reaching out his hands, he drew her towards him. She must have been tired as she made no resistance and welcomed the comfort. Resting her head on his chest, she felt the tears fall harder.

After a few minutes had passed Nathan reached to the side and opened the passenger door.

"Come on, I'll drive you home".

Shaking her head, she stepped back.

"I can drive... you've got Jamie and Haley to look after."

Picking her hand up and grasping it, he forced her to look at him.

"Haley is taking Jamie home in our car. Now get in... You're in no condition to drive. Plus someone has to look after you while Brooke flirts with the barman."

"Okay", she said resigned to letting someone help her.

On the drive home Peyton sat quietly staring out of the window. Today had taken its toll on her. As they stopped at a red light, Nathan clasped her nearest hand in his. She was his friend and he could not help but feel anger at his brother for what he was doing. Peyton was an amazing woman and deserved someone better.

Upon reaching the house, he noticed her hand go limp signalling her acceptance of sleep. Brooke had told him she had not slept properly for weeks. Pulling up onto the driveway, he got out carefully trying not to wake her. Walking around the side of the car he gently lifted her out and carried her to the door. She was lighter then he remembered, and seeing how she was never big, it was not good. Making a mental note to get Haley or Brooke to discuss the food situation with her Nathan went through the house to her bedroom.

Once there he walked to the bed and lowered her down. She never stirred once, which showed the level of exhaustion she was experiencing. Pulling the blanket up he tucked her in and left the room closing the door on the way out.

However, he did not miss the slight whisper that escaped her lips as she dreamt. She had always talked in her sleep and at one time, he had found it amusing. Now though he felt his anger grow as she said the words that his brother had no right to ever hear from her.

"... love you... Lucas..."

Walking down the corridor, he turned the TV on and settled himself onto the couch waiting patiently for Brooke to return. While Peyton had been in her office earlier, they had all discussed not leaving her on her own for a while. It seemed like she may need help, and as her friends they were going to do all it took to get her back. Even if it meant keeping a certain so-called saviour away from her until she was ready. Lucas would have to think about her feeling's for once in his life.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Hope you liked the chapter, I think it is the longest update I have ever done for a story. I must really love this one. I was going to split it into two chapters but I thought it flowed better as one. So I wanted to thank people for some of their suggestions and I have actually included a few in later chapters. This takes me to my point in this ramble. Are their any get together's people want to see involving the entire group like - Jamie's party, or a night at Tric or I don't know a day at the beach. Tell me and I will try to include one in the next chapter. **


	5. Silence

**A/N: Thank you once again for the amazing reviews. This update revolves mainly around Peyton... kind of a healing chapter. I was going to write this yesterday but I had a miniature block. Then I listened to this song, which is included below and got a burst of inspiration. I hope you all like it. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Give me release  
Witness me  
I am outside  
Give me peace _

_Heaven holds a sense of wonder_

_And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up  
When the rage in me subsides_

_In this white wave I am sinking in this silence  
In this white wave...in this silence...I believe_

_I can't help this longing  
comfort me  
I can't hold it all in  
if you won't let me _

_Heaven holds a sense of wonder _

_And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up  
When the rage in me subsides _

_In this white wave I am sinking in this silence  
In this white wave...in this silence...I believe  
I have seen you...in this white wave you are silent  
You are breathing in this white wave...I am free_

_(Sarah McLachlan - Silence)_

_The scene before him was breathtaking. As a writer he should have been able to come up with an appropriate word for the things he was seeing. Unfortunately, he was at a loss. The sun was setting over the ocean and had cast a glow onto the water. As the balcony was three floors high, he had the best view possible. He could see the anglers returning from a hard day's work and the shop below was closing its shutters. All in all this was a good day. The cool night breeze calmed him and he took in a deep breath. Feeling arms wrap around his chest he closed his eyes._

_"Mind if I join you"._

_Turning he leant down and kissed the woman before him. Pulling back slightly he smiled and opened his eyes. Green stared back at him._

_"I never mind"._

_Leaning down he recaptured her lips in a kiss that soon became more heated. As his hands wandered over her back, he pulled her nearer to his body. Hearing her sigh he pulled back again and smiled at her swollen lips. Looking into her eyes, he noticed the green darken into something he could not fathom. She was so beautiful... he could not believe his luck that she would ever love him. Walking behind her, he rested his head on her shoulder as she leant back. With his hands on her stomach, he felt hers rest on his arms. He gazed out at the sunset and realised that as amazing as the view was before it was far better now. Burying his face into her blonde hair, he breathed deeply. Her smell was so distinct he would recognize it anywhere. It was one of the things he could never get enough of._

_"I love you Luke", she sighed as they stood together on the balcony._

_Closing his eyes at the sentiment, he tried to store this moment to memory. Opening his mouth, he repeated the sentiments._

_"I love you too Peyton"._

As her name fell from his lips he startled awake. Sitting up he took in his surroundings as it all came back to him. The daydream... the wedding... the office... Noticing the hotel room, he remembered where he was. His honeymoon. Glancing to his side, he saw Lindsey still deep asleep and rubbed a hand through his hair. Shaken by the most vivid dream he had ever experienced he pulled the sheet back and stood. With just his pyjama bottoms on, he walked to the balcony and looked out. Sunrise. Not the same as his dream but close.

The scene was almost identical only this time it showed the welcoming of a new day. Sighing he leaned forward. The dream had been so real... that was what hurt. The fact that because of him it was nothing but a dream. He could have had all that if only he had spoken out earlier. Remembering her words in the office, he felt his eyes water. He did love Lindsey. The problem was his dream with Peyton was the thing that his heart craved most.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Considering a cemetery is a place of mourning Peyton had always found it peaceful. She could easily block out the sounds of pure pain and agony escaping mourners who had only just received a membership. For her though she had been a regular since she was young. Parking her car, she got out and weaved slowly through the graves. Passing one she noted that it was fairly recently put there. Shaking her head at the thought she noted how depressing that worse... she knew the entire layout of the graveyard. How many people at the age of 22 could intricately describe the quickest way to certain tombs? Coming up to the area she wanted, she removed her sunglasses. Swinging them from her hand had become a nervous habit so to stop herself she placed them on top of her head sweeping her hair back. Coming to a stop, she kissed her fingers and placed them on the name.

"Hey Mum... sorry I haven't been by for a few days."

Sitting down in front of the gravestone, Peyton rested her palm onto the earth beside her. The feel of the grass beneath her fingers used to comfort her now it just seemed pointless. She had long ago given up the wish that her mother would one-day return. Looking at the words marked into the stone she sighed.

"I need some help Mum... again".

Thinking about the last time she had been here and asked for the sign, she held a sob. She really needed the guidance of the one person that could do anything to help.

"It's a boy... the same boy actually. I don't know if you remember him... Lucas. I brought him to meet you a few years ago. Although that all feels like another life."

Tears began to course down her cheeks as the memories of a happier time settle in her mind.

"He's married now. I always thought it would be me... but... I guess I was wrong. Can you believe he wouldn't wait for me? After everything, we went through together. I... I loved him with everything I had and he left me. Everyone leaves me."

Taking in a shuddering breath, she reached forward and traced the lettering of her mother's name.

"Am I unlovable Mum? I mean I have Brooke but even she will eventually have enough of the drama. I miss you... so much. I don't know what to do anymore. My friends... well they're there for me but they have their own lives... then there's me. I feel like someone put the world on fast-forward... but decided I wasn't worth the trouble to be included."

Emphasising her words she pressed a hand into her chest directly over her heart. Laughing hollowly, she traced her other hand through her hair.

"Everyone up there is probably laughing at me... I'm in love with someone who can never be mine."

Wiping her eyes, she looked up at the clouds gathering.

"I've never really asked for anything... but please... I need help".

Silence fell over the area as she stopped her one-sided conversation. Revelling in the quiet, she leaned forward and clasped her hands together. She sat there for some time staring at her mother's name. Feeling the shadows of the clouds hovering above she felt a chill course through her body. Standing slowly she looked to the side at the place where she knew laid another person taken too early.

The slight wind whipped around the mourner who hovered at the grave. Tilting her head at the sight Peyton walked slowly forward then stopped seeing who it was. Turning back to her Mother, she smiled.

"Thanks Mum".

Her sign was here. Continuing forward she bent slightly to avoid the tree branch overhead. Seeing the person turn, she smiled slowly and held up her hand in a slight wave.

"Sorry do you want a moment... I can leave".

Shaking her head Karen reached a hand out for Peyton to take. Clasping the older woman's hand in her own she stopped next to her and stared at Keith's stone. Silence once again fell over them until Karen spoke.

"You know even though I can't be with him... I will always love him".

Smiling at the words Peyton looked at the woman's face as she spoke. Karen seemed so absorbed by the words on the grave. Slowly her head turned and she looked Peyton in the eye.

"But that doesn't mean I have to be alone. I have a wonderful family now which for a while I never would have thought was possible. Time heals Peyton... it may not forget but eventually the pain becomes bearable."

Nodding slowly Peyton felt her cheeks dampen as Karen's words spoke to her. She knew what the hidden meanings behind the words were. It seemed to be where Lucas inherited his soul. Watching Peyton's tears begin to run down her cheek Karen turned completely and pulled her towards her.

"We all thought it would be you Peyton... but now all you can do is live. Be yourself and eventually you will realise that you still have people around you who love you. You're hurting yourself Peyton and none of us want to witness that."

Crying harder now Peyton rested her head on the woman's shoulder.

"Thank you", she whispered hoping it would convey the feelings she felt for this woman.

Stroking her hair Karen nodded and held her letting the younger woman begin the long process of healing. She knew that as much as her son wanted to pretend he loved his wife... Peyton would always own his heart. She just hoped he figured it out before it was too late and people's souls were destroyed.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Leaving the cemetery, she had driven Karen to the boat and joined in the farewells. She would without doubt miss them, especially the woman who had become her surrogate mother over time. Taking an extra minute to hug her she once again thanked Karen. Everyone was there to see them off apart from Lucas and Lindsey. They had left the night before for a weeklong honeymoon.

Peyton could not help but be relieved... she had planned to avoid them for a while but this was definitely easier. Leaning on Brooke they both waved with the others at the boat as it sailed off. Finally, it was just the three Scott's, Brooke and Peyton. Deciding to all go to dinner at the beach house tomorrow Peyton turned to leave declaring that she would see Brooke at home. Turning and walking to her car she missed the worried looks they gave each other.

They knew she was putting up a front and the only one who was able to penetrate it had caused the pain in the first place. Heading off to Brooke's store together, they called the others and arranged a meeting to talk about their friend. One way or another by the time Lucas returned Peyton would be better.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Entering the darkness of her room Peyton gently closed the door. She knew that soon Brooke would probably come in to check on her. All of her friends had been so good and caring to her today but she really craved some time alone. Unfortunately, the only person who had ever understood that need was no longer able to be there.

As her mind filled once again with thoughts of him, she sighed. Removing her jacket and shoes, she laid down in the centre of her bed and stared at the ceiling. She needed to find a way to take her mind of her situation. Hopefully over the next week she would be able to do some healing. Rolling her eyes at the reality of the fact that she would never heal from this she got up from her bed. Karen's words had helped her so much but that did not stop the fact that at the moment she was in agony.

Walking over to the window, she glanced out of it. The gentle sounds of rain tapping against the window filled the room. She had always the loved the rain. It was as if the feel of the water cleansed her. Making a decision she turned, picked up her IPod and put her shoes back on. She was going for a drive. She needed the feel of the rain to take her mind off its persistent wandering.

Leaving the house, she got into her car and drove off. An hour passed faster then she could have predicted and by now, the rain was hitting harder. Seeing a familiar sight, she pulled up to the river court. Her smile faded slightly as she took in the memories that filled this place. The beautiful and the ugly thoughts mixed and she stared at the place she had grown to love.

Stepping out of her car, she lifted her head to the sky as the rain trailed down her face. Walking to the court, she stopped at the sight that greeted her. The faint markings that they had all left there years ago had corroded but were still slightly visible. His name stood out from the others as she remembered their childish promises.

Feeling tears mixing with the rain droplets coursing down her cheeks she pulled her IPod from the confines of her jacket pocket. Placing her earphones in she put the music on shuffle. She had always thought that the music chose the moment. It was as if it could speak to her.

Slumping to the ground, she laid back until her entire body felt the concrete below. Underneath her, his name was etching itself onto her back just like it had on her heart years ago. Not caring of the slight puddles growing around her she closed her eyes and let the lyrics wash over her.

'Delirium's Silence' echoed out and she choked back a laugh at the words that sounded. Sarah McLachlan's soothing voice sounded throughout her mind. She had never been an overall fan of the female singer but this song had somehow spoken to her.

Placing the song on repeat, she put her Ipod back into her pocket to keep it safe. Then laying her arms out at her side she let the water wash over her hitting every part of her body. She needed this and although she would never recover from the betrayal... she could feel the cleansing beginning. It was small but at least it was a start.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

The next day began as normal.

_However, Brooke had raised an eyebrow at the sight of the drenched Peyton that had walked through the door the night before. As she had gone to apologise for disappearing Brooke had held a hand up to stop her._

_"Don't worry... its raining right."_

_"Yeah"._

_"I remember... with your Mum... it's okay"._

_Nodding to her friend Peyton had gone to take a shower as the cold from the rain had settled deep within her bones. Afterwards when she had lain down on her bed to sleep her thoughts had once again stopped the process. Turning onto her side, she had tried desperately to block the memories that assaulted her until she had given up. Standing from her bed, she had gone to open the door only to be met by Brooke's raised eyebrow. Grabbing her friends hand Brooke had dragged her down to her own bedroom and forced her to lie down. As Peyton then begin to stare at the ceiling, Brooke had turned off the light and lay down next to her. Pulling the covers up she opened her arms and let Peyton rest her head on her shoulder. Then for the first time all day she had felt the ache leave her and begun to drift off. She was exhausted and it did not take long with the soothing hand on her hair for her thoughts to lose the fight against sleep. Smiling at her sleeping friend Brooke closed her eyes._

_"It will be okay "._

Now pulling up to Tric Peyton got out of the car and headed to the office. She needed to speak to Mia before she left for tour. The afternoon seemed to pass quickly and she had actually enjoyed her day. Mia's ability to take Peyton's mind off her troubles helped a great deal and she had even thanked the girl with a hug. Waving her goodbye, she shut her office door and walked towards her car.

She had just enough time to go home and change before her and Brooke were due at the beach house. This thought sobered her slightly. She had been comfortable with Mia because as she was only her friend and not Lucas', the girl had instantly taken her side. The others though were a different story. She loved her friends but she knew they were also happy for Lucas.

Reaching the house, she opened the door only to be grabbed by Brooke. Unfortunately, her friend wanted her to be a life-size mannequin. Watching in the mirror as clothes were put on and taken off she barely had time to blink when she was suddenly dressed. Pulling her jacket on they both left the house and drove to meet the others.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Apprehension filled Peyton as Nathan opened the door and greeted her with a hug. She had to admit it did feel good. Going through to the dining room, she noticed most of the group were there. Greeting everyone, she felt slightly unnerved by the worrying glances. They were treating her as if she was fragile and eventually her walls would go up. She knew they all wanted to be there for her but she could not help the barrier that often closed her off from others. It had happened after her mother had died and there was no way to stop it. The more upset she became the higher the walls were until eventually she felt like she was sinking.

Sighing she sat down in between Brooke and Skills. It seemed these two were destined to be the ones to stop her from running. Mouth and Millie sat opposite her with Jamie in between them. Haley and Nathan were at the opposite table ends. The conversation began to flow as everyone bantered and chatted away happily. Not one person mentioned the forbidden topic and she smiled gratefully. She knew that bringing him into the conversation would once again have her brooding. Filling her glass with wine Peyton laughed as Jamie covered himself with chocolate ice cream. This forced Haley to run and get the camera.

Snapping away pictures, they all posed with various people. Then came her turn... as Haley turned the camera to her she held a hand up.

"Hales she's never going to pose for you".

Nodding at Nathan's statement Peyton laughed at Haley's face. Determination had set in and unfortunately, the woman was possessed.

"He has a point Haley... I almost punched him when he took one for the yearbook".

Laughing Brooke patted Haley's shoulder.

"You've seen it... the anger on her face is priceless".

Sighing, Haley let her hands drop swinging the camera. As Peyton relaxed slightly keeping a wary eye on her friend, she laughed as Skills got covered in chocolate ice cream. Jamie had innocently leant on his spoon causing the dessert left on it to go flying. Sitting there, Skills wiped the mess off his head and glared at Peyton.

"You know your going to hell for laughing at that".

Shrugging her shoulders Peyton smiled.

"So worth it".

As she went to hand him a tissue the flash of a camera halted her and she span around to look at Haley.

"Ha... got it".

With a look of triumph Haley showed the picture to everyone as she felt a great accomplishment. Brooke looked at the camera intently and turned to Peyton.

"Okay ... judging by the look on your face I know you want to kill Tutor Mum but first... look at the photo."

Sighing she took the offered camera and looked at the screen. Raising a hand to it she traced the photo. She had never seen herself so unguarded. It was a simple moment but she had such a genuine smile on her face, as she got involved in her conversation. This was what Karen had meant about time healing a person. She just hoped that soon she would be able to have those moments on a more permanent basis. Looking up at Haley, she smiled.

"Can I have a copy"?

"Of course you can".

Taking the camera back Haley looked over at Brooke who mouthed a thank you. Yesterday at their impromptu meeting they had all decided that they needed to show Peyton how she could be. They wanted her to remember that good things would happen without Lucas in her life. This had definitely been a good way to show it.

Unfortunately then came the disaster. If everyone was truthful, they all knew the night could not go too smoothly. After the dinner plates had been tidied away, they had all gone to the living room to continue the conversation. Peyton had happily sat next to Skills who never once asked her how she was. To most people that would hurt but to her she felt immensely grateful. However, he did put his arm around her shoulder and hug her. That gave far more comfort then any words could offer. She had an idea that Brooke may have told the others to not remind her of her situation. She remembered telling Lucas that 'it's not what you say but what you do' and she had truly meant it. In her opinion, words could sometimes be overrated. However, after half an hour the phone rang. Deciding to ignore it, Haley waved her hand in the air.

"To be honest it's too much effort".

Then it began. His voice. Hearing the beep Lucas had started to leave a message. As soon as his voice echoed around the room, everyone's eyes had bulged and Peyton became the focus of their gazes. She for the most part closed her eyes and cringed, breathing deeply she did the thing she knew best. She ran. Standing quickly she turned to Brooke.

"I'll be outside".

Before anyone could argue she walked as quickly as humanly possible out of the door and onto the sand. Haley for the most part had run to the phone but by then the damage was done. Sighing Brooke turned to Nathan and shook her head.

"Damn him... we were doing so well".

Nodding Nathan looked at the door that Peyton had left through.

"Back to square one".

Picking up the camera from the table Brooke looked at the photo of her friend then speaking to the others she looked up.

"Maybe not".

With that, they all sat there wondering what the next stage was. The camera was evidence that maybe this situation was not as bad as they thought. All they had to do was remind her they were there for her.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Walking out towards the sea, Peyton reached the pile of wood that often served as a place for the fire. Reaching into her pocket, she removed the matches that she had grabbed as she left the house. Lighting the wood she sat down and looked out at the water. The sun was setting and she wanted more then anything to be happy now. The night that she laid on the River Court had helped but now she was growing angry with herself. She would give anything to be okay. If she could not hear his voice without breaking down, what chance did she have when he came back? She had enjoyed her day so far and would have loved for it to not end so badly. The fire cracked in front of her and she almost lost herself in the sight. She would never voice it aloud for fear of worrying her friends but the fire seemed so beautiful at that moment.

Hearing footsteps from behind her, she kept her gaze in front of her. She had to give it to them they had managed to stay away for fifteen minutes. It made her smile slightly at the thought that they had let her be alone for a while. Although knowing that her leaving so abruptly probably upset them hurt her. Someone sat down beside her and grabbed her hand. Turning to look at her best friend she smiled as Brooke leaned her head on her shoulder. Gazing back at the view in front of her Peyton heard her friend speak quietly,

"I love you ... we all do".

"And for the record books my brother is an idiot".

Hearing the added statement come from her left Peyton looked up as Nathan sat down on her other side clasping her other free hand.

Pulling both women towards him, he sandwiched Peyton between them. It was without doubt the most comfortable and relaxed that she had felt since last night. Her friends were definitely helping her. How could she have thought they were overcrowding her? Now they were the reason she could be bothered to get up in the morning.

Seeing some more shadows moving around to the front of the group she watched as Haley, Mouth and Skills sat down. All of them created an arch so they could all watch the sunset.

Looking around at her friends Peyton felt a tear fall from her eye as she revelled in the happiness she felt. Speaking for the first time since their arrival, she smiled,

"Thank you... for today".

Suddenly Jamie ran out of nowhere with Millicent chasing him. A basketball was sandwiched between his hands. Laughing at the sight Skills jumped up making a grab for the young boy. Turning to Peyton, Nathan kissed her hair,

"We're still your family Sawyer".

Standing up he ran over to Jamie and tackled him lifting him in the air. Turning to look at the others, he smiled.

"How about boys versus girls".

Looking around at the beach Peyton raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"So how are you going to score without nets"?

Shrugging his shoulder, he placed Jamie down.

"Who said anything about basketball.?"

Jumping up Haley looked at her husband and put a hand out for Peyton to take.

"We're in".

Splitting into the teams they all laughed as Haley tackled Nathan in what was probably classed as an illegal move. Jumping onto his back Haley giggled as he tried to shake her off. Jamie ran around his legs trying to pull her off but it was to no avail.

Running up to the pair Brooke managed to take the ball before she was picked up off the ground by Skills. Laughing she dropped the ball which was quickly lifted up by Millicent who threw it to Peyton.

Mouth stood in front of her and crouched down trying to grab her. Feigning to the left she laughed, running around him as he toppled over. With that everyone began chasing her while the other women tried to hold the men off. Running to the end of their homemade pitch, she threw the ball down and declared a touchdown.

"Score", she shouted falling back as the other girls tackled her. Landing in a heap on the floor they all cheered as they smirked at the boy's faces. Looking over at Nathan, Skills raised an eyebrow,

"Damn I want to be on that team".

"I want to be in that pile up", Mouth uttered not realising the others had heard.

Covering Jamie's ears Nathan scowled jokingly at him.

"No rude thoughts... my son is present".

Laughing at his face beginning to blush Brooke, Haley and Millie jumped up to chase after Mouth feigning annoyance.

Staying seated Peyton watched her friends running after each other. It was almost as if they had never grown up. Revelling in the moment, she felt the smile still adorning her face. This was without doubt the longest one she had showed for a while. Feeling a pull on her hand, she looked up at Jamie.

"Come on Aunt Peyton... Daddy said you can be on our team because your better then Uncle Mouth".

"Hey", Mouth said glaring at Nathan.

Shrugging his shoulders, he defended his words.

"It's true man... you suck".

Standing up Peyton picked Jamie up and walked back into the fray. All the while not believing how lucky she was to have such amazing friends. She may have lost the love of her life but as far as she was concerned, she still had a family. Karen had been right... they would not want to see her destroy herself. Silently she made a promise to do everything possible to get better. Thinking back to last night when she had craved the silence to heal... she realized that sometimes... the most healing a person did was when loved ones surrounded them. And the week was not even over yet.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Sorry there was no Leyton confrontation but I was actually annoyed at Lucas myself so I decided to make him dream of what he was missing. I hope that people are not becoming bored of Peyton crying but I promise there won't be as much from now on. The next chapter includes a birthday party... not sure who's yet. Suggestions are more then welcome. **


	6. Over you

**A/N: Wow this story has over 50 reviews, thank you so much. Now I know I said there would be a birthday party featured here, but I decided to move that back a few chapters. I promise it will be worth the wait. Enjoy.**

_Now that it's all said and done,  
I can't believe you were the one  
To build me up and tear me down,  
Like an old abandoned house._

_What you said when you left  
Just left me cold and out of breath.  
I fell too far, was in way too deep.  
Guess I let you get the best of me.__(Daughtry - Over you)_

Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.

And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.

A ball bounced softly on the concrete and rolled into view. Looking up from her magazine Brooke picked the basketball up and bounced it back to the owner. Smiling at Jamie, she watched him run back to the game he was playing. Laughter echoed around the court and Brooke's attention was now firmly on the scene before her. The sight was definitely new and in some ways, she could still not believe it.

With her gaze hidden behind her sunglasses, Brooke laughed along with the players. She could still recall the moment yesterday when Haley had phoned, telling her to come urgently to the River court. Remembering the tone of her friend's voice over the receiver, she cringed slightly at the thoughts that had persistently echoed around her mind. They involved Peyton finally giving in and about to commit suicide. She knew it was slightly dramatic but she could not help the direction her thoughts had gone. Unfortunately, that meant that her vision for the entire drive over had been clouded by the tears that streamed down her face. From outside she must have looked like a maniac. Heaving sobs had escaped her and at that moment, she had felt an intense hatred for the man that had caused her friends agony.

Somehow, on what must have been the longest journey she had ever experienced she had made it to the River court. Of course, what she had not told anyone was that she had mounted the pavement twice and avoided a near miss with an overgrown tree. Truthfully, she was thankful she had made it in one piece.

The tyres had squealed on the road as she pulled up sharply. Before the engine had time to turn off properly, she had jumped out... all she could feel was the desperate need to get to Peyton. Remembering the run from the car to the bleachers her feet began to ache. Never under any circumstances should a woman run in high heels... she could still feel the consequences of her actions today. However yesterday she did not care, it had been her best friend she was trying to get to.

Upon seeing Haley standing to the side she had shouted at her in what was heard as a sheer panicked tone. Breathlessly she had watched as Haley put one hand to her mouth in a shushing motion and pointed with the other to the court. That was when she had seen it... Peyton was indeed on the court, although thankfully not swinging from the basket with a rope around her neck. In fact, she had been passing a ball to Jamie before Nathan tackled her. What had struck Brooke more then the sight of the miniature game had been the persistent laugh echoing from her friend.

That had been the moment when Brooke had finally allowed herself to believe that her friend would be fine. She knew that she had repeatedly told Peyton and everyone else she would be fine but deep down she had not been so sure. Hell, the woman had lost what most people would call her soulmate. Who would be fine after that? Thinking about the drama from yesterday Brooke recalled the worry and panic that Haley had inflicted on her. With a scowl on her face, she turned to the other woman and slapped her on the arm with the magazine, eliciting a cry from a rather surprised Haley.

"Ow Brooke... what the hell".

"Do you know what you put me through yesterday... with the crappy cryptic phone call ... I almost had a coronary trying to get here".

"And you decided to pay me back an entire day later".

Shrugging her shoulders Brooke smiled at Haley.

"Better late then never".

Hearing a shout, they both turned their attention back to the court.

"Score".

Standing with a look of pure triumph on her face Peyton gave Jamie a high-five.

"Damn Sawyer you're not bad at this... that's twice now you managed a perfect shot. Where did you learn to score like that?"

Shrugging her shoulders sombrely, she looked at the ground.

"I dated a lot of Basketball players... Lucas showed me".

Feeling the sudden tension in the air Brooke jumped up from her seat dropping the magazine.

"How about a barbecue round the Scotts".

"What?" Haley cried glaring at her.

Bending down slightly Brooke turned to her friend.

"Look it was your husband who killed the mood... therefore you have to fix it".

"Fine... barbecue round mine", she said sighing slightly. Later on, she was going to kill Nathan and his big mouth.

Picking up the dropped magazine Brooke stepped down from the bleachers. Walking over to Peyton, she grabbed her hand and proceeded to drag her back to the car. Stopping she turned to look at Haley and shouted instructions.

"Call everyone else and we'll see you in an hour".

With that, they both waved a goodbye and got in the car leaving the Scott family on the court. As soon as the car faded into the distance, Haley turned to her husband.

"If our child was not over there... I would skin you alive".

"What we see them every night anyway".

"Yeah at a restaurant... now I have to clean the mess in the living room... and cook".

Walking over to his wife, he placed his hands on her hips drawing her towards him.

"I tell you what... I'll do the cooking and the cleaning... you take a nice hot bath".

Without hesitating Haley leaning forward smiling. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him slowly. After a few seconds she pulled away and ran her hands up his arms nodding her agreement.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?" she said lovingly.

"Mm not since this morning".

"Well I do... you're pretty much perfect."

Lifting her hand up she placed it on his cheek and spoke.

"Remember when we first started dating I said I wish you were more like Lucas..."

Seeing him nod slightly confused she continued.

"I'm so glad your not".

"Because he's acting like an arse", he added with a raised eyebrow.

Shaking her head, she looked down.

"No because he's hurting the one person in the world everyone knows he loves. I like Lindsey a lot but..."

"She's not Peyton".

"I actually asked him on his wedding day if Lindsey was the one... can you believe he paused before he answered."

"I love my brother but he's an idiot... I just hope nobody gets hurt... Peyton and Lindsey don't deserve that."

Nodding in agreement Haley looked at her husband questioningly.

"Peyton will be okay won't she…? I know we don't always see eye to eye but she's a good friend. Seeing her breakdown over the last week I feel bad for how I treated her where Lucas was concerned".

Smiling Nathan rested his forehead against hers.

"She will be fine... she has us. Plus I intend to make sure Luke stays away from her. Now... have I told you how sexy you are when you get that motherly look on your face?"

"Not lately".

Leaning down he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Pulling away, she ran her gaze over his face.

"Mm I love you Nathan Scott... and looking at my friends atrocious love lives I'm just glad I have you."

Smiling, he kissed her forehead as she sighed.

"Forever and Always Haley... forever and always."

**xxxxxx**

Since the night at the beach, everyone noticed a slight change in Peyton. She was not exactly healed but she was definitely better then she had been in a long time. In fact, she had really enjoyed the last few days. So far everyday she would meet Brooke and Millie for lunch. Then the entire group would meet for dinner in a restaurant. Peyton for the best part knew exactly what they were doing, however she was to preoccupied to care. Her friends were not exactly hiding the fact that they wanted to keep an eye on her. Yesterday had been the worst. She had been on the court playing with Nathan and Jamie when Brooke had come running towards them. Her friend had looked like the hounds of hell were chasing her. Looking out of the corner of her eye, she had seen the exchange between Haley and Brooke. It was obvious that her friend had been called to witness the spectacular sight of Peyton laughing. She had not minded though. If seeing her happy made her friends feel better then she would let them watch. Plus they were the reason she was smiling.

For the first time since she had returned to Tree Hill, she was happy. Guaranteed she could be more fulfilled but she had chosen to accept things as they were. Therefore, she had dedicated herself to her work and re-connecting with her friends. It was not until they spent most of their free time together that she realised just how much she had missed them. How she had managed to last in LA for so long on her own was beyond her.

So far, Lucas had been gone for three days and Peyton was getting better each one he was away. She knew that once he was back things would be different but for now, she tried to push that thought to the back of her mind. The best relationship she had made though was with that of the youngest Scott. Everyday she had taken him for a few hours. The others were none the wiser as to where they went but to Peyton it meant the world. Nathan had joked about the fact that Peyton had Scott men wrapped around her little finger. Unfortunately after uttering the sentence everyone's attention had been drawn to her. They were looking for a sign of a breakdown. Instead, she had managed to surprise them when she had laughed and given a reply.

_"Very true Nate... just the wrong Scott men unfortunately"._

They had all known whom she meant but her friends had made no remark. Her sarcasm and harsh remarks were a part of her and people had long ago come to accept that. Just like they had come to accept that Jamie had found a new hero besides Lucas. They were inseparable and today would be no different.

Walking up the drive with Brooke, Peyton linked their arms together. She was definitely in a good mood. Rolling her eyes at her friend Brooke laughed.

"You know I can't work out which one is worse... you or Jamie".

"Oh definitely me".

As Brooke went to knock on the door, Peyton stopped her and put a hand up to silence her. Slowly pushing the door open, Peyton walked in partially and then bent down. Unfortunately, Brooke was not paying too much attention and went straight into the back of her.

"P. Sawyer... you trying to kill me?"

"Sh... watch"

After straightening herself, Brooke stepped back and raised an eyebrow. She was without doubt intrigued as to her friend's motive. With a smile on her face, Peyton called out a greeting and then began counting down.

"5...4...3...2"

An interruption halted her and a sudden yell came out of nowhere. Waiting expectantly Peyton turned to Brooke and nodded towards the direction of the noise. Crossing her arms Brooke laughed as the youngest Scott appeared running full pelt towards the woman wearing a cape.

"Aunt Peyton".

Running straight into her arms she lifted him up and stood.

"It's Superman".

"How did you do that?" Brooke asked somewhat baffled. She knew the two had grown closer but this was amazing. Although, watching her friend's smile she silently applauded the young boy on accomplishing what they had all hoped to achieve.

"He started the day after the beach and has been doing it ever since".

Setting him on the floor, she watched as he turned to Brooke and hugged her as well.

"Hey Aunt Brooke".

"Hey gorgeus".

"Jamie Scott how many times have I told you not to run through the house"?

Hearing Haley's voice Peyton looked down at him.

"Hide".

Running behind her, he grabbed hold of her legs and giggled. As Haley appeared, she raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"Peyton I love you but stop corrupting my son".

"Would I do that?"

Turning she looked down at Jamie who was shaking his head at Haley.

"No Mama, Aunt Peyton is good girl".

Laughing Peyton bent down and kissed his cheek.

"You know it".

As she straightened, he grabbed her hand to drag her away.

"Let's go outside Daddy and Uncle Skills are out there".

As the duo left, Jamie begin to tell Peyton a joke he had heard earlier from Mouth. Walking over to Haley, Brooke shook her head slightly baffled.

"It's amazing... Tutor Mum your son is a genius".

"I know he manages to do more in three days then we have in years".

Suddenly a splash sounded followed by a shrill shout, "Jamie Scott you will pay for that".

Grabbing hold of Haley's arm Brooke ran outside to see the centre of the commotion. Reaching the back door, they took in the sight of Peyton standing in the shallow end of the pool fully clothed. Her hair was flattened to her head and the makeup she wore ran down her cheeks. By the edge of the pool, Nathan and Skills were bent over laughing while Jamie looked guiltily at his Aunt.

Walking to the side Peyton pulled herself out and proceeded to chase Jamie around the garden. Both of them laughing as she finally got hold of him getting water all over his clothes and face.

Turning to Haley, Brooke sighed.

"She's so happy".

"I know it's definitely new".

"I just hope she's still okay when Lucas comes home".

Nodding Haley stepped outside with Brooke following her. Walking towards Nathan who was in the process of handing Peyton a towel they laughed.

"He got you good P. Sawyer", Brooke said pulling at the arm of the shirt that Peyton wore.

"Thanks... I'm glad I could be a source of amusement for you".

"So Friday's a big day," Skills asked stepping forward.

"What happens on Friday", Jamie asked curiously.

Reaching down to stroke his hair Haley answered her son.

"It's Aunt Peyton's birthday".

Smiling Peyton nodded towards Brooke.

"According to a certain person... Tric is closed that night for a party... but I'm not meant to know".

"You shouldn't be listening to private conversations... and , you will enjoy the party and all of the gifts you receive".

Nodding to appease her friends Peyton looked over at Haley.

"Have you got any dry clothes at all…? I'm a bit wet".

"Yeah come with me".

Taking her arm Haley led a still dripping Peyton towards the house with Jamie following them holding Peyton's hand.

"I'm sorry", he said looking at her with sadly.

Picking him up she smiled as Haley turned back slightly.

"Don't worry about it... I had fun".

Seeing him smile Peyton continued into the house feeling strangely content. All thoughts of Lucas had left her mind and she was not lying when she had said she had fun. Today could only get better as far as she was concerned.

**xxxxxx**

Stepping into the room Lucas pulled his shirt off over his head throwing it into the corner. Then walking to the cabinet where the Whisky bottle stood he poured himself a measure.

With the glass clasped in one hand, he picked up his IPod with the other as he went to the bed. Lindsey had decided to continue onto another shop and had sent him back here. Apparently she was going off to purchase a surprise for him... for some reason that seemed to worry him slightly. Placing his drink on the bedside cabinet, he fell back onto the cushions.

Today was the third day of his honeymoon... that word still seems to catch in his throat. This was the time when he should be spending every moment with or thinking about his wife. She was the woman he loved he knew that. It was just unfortunate that he spent his days with Lindsey but his nights with another.

So far, every time he slept his dreams were filled with a certain blonde-haired woman. He was unable to break the bond and was beginning to become frustrated, he wanted more then anything to be happy. Unfortunately, a large amount of 'what ifs' had taken refuge in his mind. The main one involved him having the courage in the church to do what was right. That daydream on his wedding day had proven to be both dangerous and destructive. He knew it had probably destroyed Peyton to watch him marry another... but he loved her. It was just a shame he was not too sure which woman he meant. Lindsey was his wife but Peyton... she owned a piece of him. She always had and he had a feeling that she always would.

Shaking his head he cleared his thoughts and tried to imagine what present Lindsey might be buying... lingerie would definitely be a positive. Placing his headphones in his ears, he closed his eyes hoping to gain some sleep. If he were lucky, it would remain dreamless. As he pressed the shuffle on, lyrics burst through his earphones and wedged into his brain. He chuckled hollowly at the song that played. It was 'Tesla's - Before my eyes', otherwise known as the album he had brought her years ago. He could still recall the look on her face as she had glanced upon it. The happiness mixed with a hint of questioning. Unknown to her he had spent an hour trawling through the music store for the perfect present. Effectively he had given up... that was until he had heard a voice behind him. Turning he had found the storeowner looking at him slyly.

"She hasn't got Tesla's first album".

He must have looked so obvious at time. Apparently their feelings towards each other were known by everyone around them; It was just a shame they had been blind themselves. Nodding his thanks to the man he had paid and left, then taken to staring at the album for half an hour before he had gone to see her. She had been right when she had told him she was a riddle wrapped in a mystery.

Smiling at the memories of a slightly happier time, he placed his arms behind his head. Till this day, he claimed he knew Peyton Sawyer inside out but truthfully, there were some parts of her he had yet to discover. Unfortunately, now he was too late. Sighing as the song continued he opened his eyes and glared at the musical contraption. Peyton had always told him the music would choose the situation it was played in. Obviously, this song was trying to make a point. He could not even fathom why he had it on his playlist; sure, he liked the song but it spoke to many home truths. Each word seemed to be taking a direct stab at his heart. He remembered that he had placed this song onto his playlist years ago as a way to feel closer to her. He always thought this song reminded him of her and since then he included it onto every new IPod he brought. The thing that troubled him was, was it out of habit or a way for him to not let Peyton go. They really were as bad as each other at moving on. She just kept hold of him more noticeably whereas he had a tendency to hide it.

Closing his eyes he let sleep claim him as the beginnings of a Peyton filled dream took over his mind. The lyrics echoed through his ears and he could not help but slightly agree with them.

_She comes on softly as she moves across the room before me  
I can't resist, I'm hypnotized, I'm surrounded by her  
I can't, I can't forget that face, and I will, I will go back to that place_

_She stands before my eyes, right before my eyes_

_I can see the colours coming one after another for me  
I hear the words, I hear the sound, going round in my head  
But I know there's something out there, please tell me, is this reality_

_Right before my eyes, right before my eyes_

_She comes on softly as she moves across the room before me  
I can't resist, I'm hypnotized  
I can see the colours coming one after another for me  
I see an image of myself_

_Before my eyes, right before my eyes  
Before my eyes, before my eyes_

A small smile crept onto his lips as yet another scenario played out, and once again, he uttered the five words that would eventually be his undoing.

"I love you too Peyton".

It was just a shame really that here was a man who dreamt of the one person that he was too blind to love properly. Yet at home, the same woman had finally managed to rid her mind of him. She was with her friends and they had done a remarkable job in just a few days of filling her life with something other then pain. At this moment, it looked like they had truly lost one another as Lucas was plagued with thoughts of her and Peyton seemed to finally be letting him go.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Mm I'm not too sure what to write here I've just gotten used to writing another author's note at the end. What I could say is that the next chapter is already written I just wanted to see what people thought of this one, so reviews would be lovely. Thanks for reading.**


	7. The past

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and all of the suggestions. Some are included in following chapters. As there is some drama at the end of this update, it's sort of part one. Therefore the next chapter will have the conclusion to the problem. Don't hate me I did warn you. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_I watched as the dark fades to dawn,  
And wished the past never happened_

Walking home as the streetlights are turning off,  
And the print on the papers is hardly dry at all,  
My bloodshot eyes struggle to adjust to the sun,  
I always thought but I'd hoped that I was wrong,

I wish the past never happened to you,  
Happened to you,  
Happened to you

Quietly turned away trembling  
I felt the weight of your words as they finally met your lips,  
I would give anything to take away this pain you live with,  
I gave you my soul, I give you this wish

_(Moments in Grace - The past)_

Waking up sharply Lucas looked around disoriented. Recognising the room, he ran a hand through his hair. It was useless... yet another dream. Moving to stand up he walked over to the door and stepped out onto the balcony. With his back turned he missed Lindsey's questioning gaze. Sighing she rolled over to face the opposite way brushing sharply at the stray tear that fell. Something was wrong with him but he would not tell her. Closing her eyes, she tried desperately to ignore the pacing coming from outside. Thinking back to her wedding day she let sleep claim her as memories of his devotion took over her mind.

Leaning against the balcony, Lucas could not stop his shaking. This dream had been so much more real it scared him. Pressing his palms into his closed eyes, he willed away the images.

_Standing on the beach, he gazed out at the ocean. The sun was setting marking the end of yet another day. Only there was no sadness just the excitement of tomorrow. He had her with him and that was all he needed. Feeling arms across his chest he sighed as the owner moved round to stand in front of him. As he raised his hand to her cheek, he was lost in the emotion swirling in her green eyes. The love seemed to penetrate his soul and for the first time he felt, healed. Noticing the wedding ring adorning his finger he glanced at her hand on his chest. An identical ring sat upon her finger. The need to protect her swelled deep within him and he drew her towards him._

_Moving his lips to her mouth he let them just graze hers as he whispered the words he knew by heart._

_"I love you Peyton"._

_Suddenly she was pulled away from him and he whipped his head around looking for her. There she stood by her car, only this time she was younger. Tilting his head, he listened as she spoke,_

_"First of all... you don't know me... Second of all... you don't know me"._

_Feeling the assault of memories overtake him he stepped closer and watched as she smiled. Leaning down he kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear,_

_"I do know you"._

_As she stepped back he watched as her face fell and tears gathered in her eyes. Shaking her head, she reached a hand to her heart,_

_"Not like I want you to"._

_As he went to step forward, again the scenery changed. This time they were in the library. Closing his eyes, he tried to shake away the painful trip down memory lane. This one was still so raw. Feeling a hand grasp his he looked sideways where he knew she would be._

_"If I say... I love you right now, will you hold it against me. Cause I've lost a lot of blood."_

_Hearing those words again, he felt his heart stir. He had known she loved him then and meant the words he had just tried desperately to ignore it. Interrupted by his thoughts he heard her speak again._

_"Come here"._

_Leaning forward he ducked his head as she moved to kiss him. Letting her mouth brush his he almost protested her pulling away. When he looked up he was shocked as the memory changed somehow once again and she glared at him angrily._

_"You never keep you promises"._

_Moving to argue against her statement, he noticed the scene change. Looking around he saw the gym. It was the day he realised he loved her. As she went to walk away, he heard himself speak._

_"Hey Peyton"._

_Walking towards her, he stopped as he drew closer and prepared himself to bare his soul._

_"It's you... when all my dreams come true the one I want next to me... it's you"._

_Seeing the smile on her face, he brushed some confetti from her hair and pulled her closer._

_As he leant down to kiss her, he felt her struggle. Letting go he watched painfully as she shook her head and walked back a few steps._

_"It's not me... it never has been. I said someday... you let me go"._

_As the tears began to fall down his cheeks, he saw the area around him change one last time. He was back on the beach. Feeling a hand on his cheek, he noticed Peyton looking at him lovingly. Moving closer he leaned down and kissed her hoping to convey his feelings. Pulling back breathlessly, he smiled,_

_"I love you Peyton"._

_Watching her step away again, he felt his heart tear. She was shaking her head and glaring angrily at him._

_"No you don't. You never did. I still love you... and now I'm letting you go"._

_As the dream faded away, he heard one last whisper from the woman opposite him._

_"Be happy Luke"._

Leaning his head in his hands, he felt the dream destroying everything he ever knew. All of his memories had become twisted and it seemed that even his head believed he had made the wrong choice. She had lived through so much pain and all he had done was make it worse. He was the cause of most of her troubles. He just wished he could erase the last few years and start again. The past was something that should be looked back on with enjoyment not hatred. Looking up at the ocean, he could not stop the echoing sentence repeating around his mind.

"Be happy Luke".

The problem was how could he be happy if he was slowly destroying himself... and most importantly... her.

**xxxxxx**

So far today had been what Peyton would consider a good day. Guaranteed the sun had yet to set and she knew from experience how destructive a few hours could be. Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the good parts in her life. Haley had, had to work and Nathan needed to go the school with Skills to talk to the team. This meant that for the next three hours Peyton was on 'Scott Watch'. She was slightly in awe of the young boy who was so insightful and recognised the fact that she needed cheering up.

Tapping the pencil on the table, she was interrupted by a small voice.

"Mine looks nothing like yours Aunt Peyton".

Looking at the drawing next to hers, she noted that Superman seemed to resemble more of a bug then a man. Stifling a laugh, she stroked Jamie's hair.

"That's okay mine looks nothing like yours either".

"You say funny things", the young boy said with a giggle. It seemed that sometimes Peyton illogical brain worked on children. Her words seeming to have the desired effect she put her pencil down and turned to him.

"What would you like to do now Mr Scott?"

With a cheeky smile, he glanced at her and considered the question. Placing his head on his hand in what he hoped was a thoughtful movement he answered.

"Swimming".

Shaking her head quickly she laughed,

"Not after yesterday I think we've had enough of water ... which reminds me".

Leaning forward with her arms outstretched she used her fingers to tickle his sides eliciting a mini struggle. After a few minutes she stopped but remained where she was,

"Do you give up yet"?

"Never", he answered shaking as her fingers resumed their torture. Seeing him begin to go slightly red from the giggling she stopped and raised her eyebrow,

"How about now?"

"I give... I give up" he said breathing quickly.

"Good now what's your suggestion".

"Park and ice cream".

Nodding her agreement, she pulled him up from the chair.

"Ice cream is good... okay grab your shoes and coat and meet me here in five minutes.

Watching the youngest, Scott run off she smiled. Today was definitely a good day.

**xxxxxx**

As the two comrades walked hand in hand, Peyton could not help the laugh that escaped her. Jamie had somehow managed to cover a large percentage of his face in chocolate ice cream. With their arms swinging, she looked down as he spoke.

"I think you need a nickname".

Considering the question she nodded,

"Okay... like what".

"It has to be cool... Aunt Peyton's too long".

"Well everyone else call me Peyton".

Halting his steps Jamie looked at her seriously and shook his head slowly.

"Mama said it's rude to call adults by their name... I have to say Aunt".

"That's alright... it does limit your choices though".

Pulling a tissue from her bag, she bent down to wipe his face. Waiting as he ate the last of the cornet, she smiled as he giggled.

"Shouldn't you wipe your own mouth", she teased.

Shaking his head, he let her continue to clean the mess.

"How about Aunt P", he asked looking at her hopefully.

Laughing she finished wiping the ice cream from him and considered it.

"Yeah okay... I like it".

Pleased with himself he hugged her. Pulling away, he held out his hand.

"Only I'm allowed to call you that though... promise... shake on it".

"Promise... you are so much like your father", she said shaking his hand. Standing she walked over to the bin. Swinging their hands Jamie smiled at his Aunt. The other day he had heard his parents talking about how upset Aunt Peyton was. In his room, he had tried to come up with a plan to make her happy. Remembering the look on Uncle Lucas's face when he had given him a nickname, he had decided that was the way to go.

"Swings, Aunt P?" He asked hopefully.

"Sure", she answered not being able to deny the boy in front of her. With that, the two comrades continued their fun.

**xxxxx**

Bursting through the door after an exhausting day Haley stopped at the sight before her. There was Peyton and Jamie lying on the couch asleep. Silently 'aww-ing' at the sweetness of it she moved quietly through the house. She could not be happier at the fact that her friend seemed to be better. Going to the bedroom she dropped off her things and headed to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

After some time she heard the front door open signalling the arrival of her husband. Making her way back to living she watched as Peyton began to wake up. Nathan stood there smirking at the fact that the person who claimed to never sleep seemed to be practising it just fine. Wiping her eyes Peyton raised an eyebrow at the two adults staring at her. Realising she must have drifted off she began to blush.

"Sorry", she whispered looking from Jamie to his parents.

"Wow Sawyer what did you do to my Son... he never sleeps this early".

Shrugging she smiled at Nathan.

"We did a lot today".

Feeling a movement to her side Peyton looked down. Jamie was rubbing his face and slowly opening his eyes. Looking up at his parents, he jolted up.

"Mama... Daddy".

Jumping off the couch, he ran to them and let Nathan pick him up. Hugging the two, he began to chatter excitedly.

"I had such a cool day... first I made a picture... then we went for ice cream in the park and played on the swings... then we watched a film."

Laughing at her son Haley looked over at Peyton.

"So did you enjoy yourself as well?"

"Yeah it was a blast", she answered standing from the couch and walking to the door

"I better get going... Brookes out tonight with Owen so I have the house to myself."

Looking at her husband who nodded his head Haley walked over to Peyton, grabbing her arm to prevent the blonde-haired woman from leaving.

"Stay for dinner... it will be fun".

With her gaze, flicking between the two adults Peyton smiled shyly before shaking her head.

"I don't want to be trouble".

"Hey your not trouble... beside you can clean up after", Nathan said walking up to her with Jamie still in his arms.

Seeing more protests about to leave their mouths Peyton gave in.

"Okay, dinner it is".

Following the others into the dining room Peyton let herself enjoy the time with her friends. She could not help the stir in her heart that wished for this. She wanted a family and had for a while. It was just a shame she could not find the right person to start her future with. Fearing that her thoughts were about to veer to the forbidden subject Peyton concentrated on Jamie's voice.

As dinner wound down Peyton left her chair and began to take the dishes into the kitchen. Nathan stood to help and followed her in.

"You okay Sawyer."

Nodding her head, she turned with a smile.

"Yeah Nate... I actually feel pretty good".

Setting the dishes on the side, he walked up to her and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad... for a while you me worried".

Wrapping her arms around him she sobered slightly and decided to be truthful.

"For a while I had myself worried... I'm sorry I hurt you all".

"Don't be stupid... the only thing that hurt us was watching you destroy yourself."

Letting go of her he pushed her shoulder slowly and laughed.

"Now go do the dishes like you promised".

Tuning she threw him a towel, laughing as it caught him on the face.

"Fine but you have to dry".

**xxxxx**

Finishing the last of the dishes Peyton went into the dining room leaving Nathan back in the kitchen. Haley and Jamie were taking softly at the table. As the phone began to ring, Haley looked up at Peyton and nodded to the contraption.

"Could you get that for me please"?

Nodding Peyton shrugged and walked over to the phone.

"Sure".

Lifting it, she placed the receiver by her ear.

"Hello… Scott residence".

Pulling the phone away, she glared at the thing in her hand. This was definitely her worst move all week.

**xxxxxx**

Ever since the wedding reception Brooke had been trying to date the barman from Tric. So far, they had only managed one meeting. At first, Owen had been annoyed at constantly being let down but when Brooke had told him the reason he had understood. After all, he did like Peyton and he could see how much Lucas being married was hurting her. He may not be one of the group but he did have eyes. Not only that he had been the one to serve her the drinks when she had first come back and found out he had a girlfriend. For a normally reserved and emotionally challenged woman when she was drunk she spoke... a lot.

Tonight was Brooke and Owens second date... Peyton was round the Scott's house. She had urged Brooke to have fun and declared that her friend should not suffer because of her own life. After going to a restaurant for dinner, the two had wound up back at the house. Sitting on the couch in Owens's arms Brooke stared at the TV. As much as she really wanted to focus on the man beside her, her mind could not help its wandering. In two days, it would be Peyton's birthday and she was trying to throw a party. Tric would be closed for the day so all of the friends could have free run. She just hoped Peyton enjoyed herself and did not worry too much about the next day's events... otherwise known as Lucas returns. Shaking her head slightly to rid her thoughts, she looked at Owen and smiled. He though had been intently staring at Brooke. The film he had seen before so that meant he could freely gaze at the thoughtful look on her face.

"Are you actually watching this", he asked teasingly.

"Of course I..." noticing his smirk she changed her answer." No... I'm sorry".

"What for... you have a lot on your mind".

"Yeah but that shouldn't affect my night with you".

Leaning forward his gaze flickered to her mouth and he moistened his lips.

"I can help you if you want".

Leaning towards him, she felt his breath draw closer.

"Mm sounds interesting... show me".

Closing the gap, he kissed her gently. Shutting his eyes, he let his mouth part slightly to deepen the kiss. Raising his hand, he stroked her cheek as his other hand moved down her back. Just as the kiss began to intensify the phone, ringing stopped them. Pulling back, Brooke glared at the phone and tried to catch her breath. Turning her head, she leant forward and kissed him quickly before moving to stand.

"Sorry I've got to get this".

Walking to the phone, she lifted it and placed it to her ear, pulling it away slightly as a shrill scream came through the receiver. Slowly she brought it back to listen as someone spoke hurriedly; rolling her eyes, she interrupted the person.

"Okay... Shut up... now who is this I can't hear you with the shouting".

"Sorry Brooke its Haley".

"I gathered... what's wrong".

"It's Peyton".

Sighing Brooke ran her hand through her hair.

"Is she okay".

A slight hollow laugh sounded the other end.

"Not really... she's locked herself in the bathroom".

"What did you do to her", Brooke cried becoming aggravated with the woman on the other end of the phone.

"Nothing I just asked her to get the phone because I was busy".

"So she answered the phone and had a breakdown."

"Brooke... it was Lucas".

"I don't und..."

"Lucas was on the phone".

"That idiot has probably just ruined everything... I'll be right there."

Saying goodbye to her friend Brooke turned and looked towards Owen who had come to stand beside her.

"I'm sorry but I've got to leave".

Nodding he smiled sadly and lifted a hand to rest on her cheek.

"It's okay... I'll call you tomorrow alright".

Leaning down he kissed her cheek and then grabbed his jacket from the hook. As he went to the door, he looked back at Brooke.

"Hey..." grabbing her attention from where she was looking for her car keys he smiled.

"Peyton's lucky to have you... she'll be fine".

With that, he slipped into the night leaving Brooke staring at the door. She could not help the giddy feeling flowing through her. Now if only she could heal her friend properly the world would be good in the eyes of Brooke Davies.

**xxxxxx**

**A/N: Okay I have no reason to write anything here... I just think it looks nice. So... mm... hope you enjoyed it and I would love know what you thought.**


	8. Most of All

**A/N: So thank you again for all of the lovely reviews. I was actually going to post this in a few days, but everyone seemed to really want to know what happened. So yeah... I caved. Anyway here is part 2. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_I see our stars tonight  
Do you recall that light  
Or do you ever think of me  
And in your world somewhere  
Do memories rip and tear  
The ones that always keep you hanging on  
To all that might have been_

_  
And I love you now  
And I hate you now  
And I miss you most of all  
All those times we laughed  
The scars that you left  
Still I miss you most of all _

(Fuel - Most of All)

Leaning her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes and tried to block out the last half an hour. His words echoed around her head and she felt the tears begin to slip. The memories assaulted her and she could not help but relive them.

**xx**

_"Scott residence"._

_"Peyton", a voice breathed._

_Gasping slightly she pulled the phone back and glared at the contraption. This was not good. Breathing deeply to calm her nerves, she put her ear back to the phone._

_"Lucas"._

_"Hi"._

_"When I said your name Luke that was kind of implied", she knew it sounded harsh but Peyton knew if she was nice she would slip._

_"Oh... erm... how are you Peyton?"_

_Rolling her eyes at his question, she tried to stifle a hollow laugh._

_"I'm okay... you"._

_"Yeah... yeah I'm okay"._

_"Haley or Nate", she asked trying desperately to stop the awkwardness._

_"Sorry"._

_Repeating herself she realised it may have sounded slightly confusing._

_"Do you want Haley or Nate"?_

_"I don't mind... whoever's closer"._

_"Okay", she said and with that went to place the phone on the table. As she put it down, she heard a cry sound out. Rushing it back to ear she could not stop the concern fill her question. Her head scolded her for it- If only she did not love him so much._

_"Luke... are you okay?"_

_Hearing a slight chuckle the other end she calmed down somewhat._

_"Yeah sorry... I just tripped over my bag... nearly went through the glass door"._

_"Oh okay... as long as you're fine... See you later Luke", with that she moved the phone away again, only to move it back when a sound of protest make its way to her. Personally, she was beginning to tire of the constant back and forth movement her arm was doing with the contraption._

_"Wait"._

_Rolling her eyes for what must have been the hundredth time, she questioned his motive._

_"What Lucas... do you want a Scott or not"._

_"Actually I was hoping I could... I know I've already said it but... I'm sorry Peyton"._

_"Can we not do this now... or ever for that fact", she said angrily. _

_"Please Peyton... just hear me out"._

_"You want me to listen to you... over the phone. Afraid I'd throw something at you again in person"._

_Hearing a nervous chuckle, she felt her temper beginning to rise slightly. She had been doing well this week and finally began to be herself._

_"You know the aim was good with those books... just skimming me but not hitting me directly."_

_Listening to him trying to make the situation light hearted she seethed as she answered._

_"What do you mean Luke…? I missed. Your head was big enough and I couldn't hit it"._

_"Oh... Sorry... I shouldn't be making fun of it"._

_"You know what... ah... never mind"._

_"Tell me Peyton"._

_Sighing she let herself be honest with him. All week she had just pushed the memories to the back of her mind. Now because of him they were slowly leaking out._

_"Fine... I've been happy all week... I don't miss you Lucas. Isn't that what you have waited months to hear…? I seem to have finally let you go."_

_The distant sounds of a broken man sounded down the phone and Peyton pulled back slightly. This was what he wanted- how could he possibly be hurt by that._

_"Oh... okay. I'm glad for you Peyton and... I'm sorry for everything"._

_"You've said that already... you know Lucas Scott your kind of a broken record... I'll go get Nate"._

_As she went to move the phone away, she heard him answer her._

_"Peyton... I'll be seeing you"._

_Hearing those words, she felt her barrier break and the emotion overwhelmed her._

_"Goodbye Luke"._

_Removing the phone from her ear, she placed it down onto the table. Leaning forward she tried to calm herself before she went to find Nathan. However, her plan was interrupted when she heard a slight whisper through the receiver._

_"I miss you"._

_With that, she ran past the concerned couple who had indeed heard the conversation and into the bathroom. Keeping the light off she locked the door and slid down the wall letting the tears finally flow. Once again, she had managed to fool herself into thinking she was okay. Truthfully, she knew she would never be right again. _

**xx**

Blocking the concerned voices from outside she desperately tried to regain her breathing pattern. She was almost at the point of hyperventilating. The tears fell hard now and as she slowed down her breaths, the thoughts began again. She had been so strong when she had told him she had moved on... and some how he managed to destroy everything she said to him. He managed to break her entire conversation into pieces with three words. Once again, he proved her wrong - he may have been a man of few words but... he could really choose the right ones.

"Peyton let me in before I break down the door".

Nathan's concerned voice echoed through the door and Peyton looked up. She did need to talk and he had always been there for her. Torn between her decision to keep the door locked or not she heard Haley's voice join his.

"Please Peyton... we're worried about you".

Sighing she glanced down at the floor as the tears coursed down he cheeks. Pulling her knees up she wrapped her arms around them and rested her head on them. This was the only way she felt she could block the world out. Lucas Scott had just managed to show everyone how she would never be ready to watch him live without her by his side. Running a hand through her hair, she pulled on it slightly in frustration. She would give anything to stop herself from loving him. Shaking her head she stood abruptly and began to pace, reaching out to turn the light on as she went past.

"Sawyer I swear to God... I'm going to kick this door in".

Rolling her eyes at her friend's words, she glanced back at the door. How could that man possibly be related to the one who breaks her down constantly? She would never tell anyone this... but occasionally she lay in bed at night and a single thought would run through her mind. What if Lucas had never found her in the library? For years, she had sometimes thought that her friends might have been better off. Brooke would never have been heartbroken, Keith would be alive, and Lucas would be free of her. Slamming her open palm against the wall, she felt a dull throb move up her arm. That was ridiculous... her friends loved her. She knew that... it was just frustrating loving someone who would never love you in return.

"Peyton we heard a bang..." Haley's voice shouted.

Turning back to the door Peyton smiled as Nathan added to the comment.

"You're not banging your head on the wall... are you?"

That statement actually brought a small chuckle from her. Only he could think that she might be trying to kill herself in such a ridiculous way. Tasting salt on her lips, she walked to the mirror to glance at her reflection. No wonder Lucas never loved her... she was a mess. Raising a hand to the mirror she touched the images face. Noticing the tear marks on her cheeks, she reached up to wipe them away. Unfortunately, the action was wasted as new tears fell. She was surprised she even had a reflection... for a while she was sure she must have been invisible. Leaning her head forward she felt the cool glass on her skin and she closed her eyes. If only she could disappear. Leave the ridiculous town that brought her nothing but pain.

Hearing more voices from outside she scalded herself. Her friends were the reason she stayed. It would be unfair to them if she abandoned her home. Suddenly the door burst open. Not bothering to turn around she felt arms wrap around from behind and her legs gave way pulling the person down with her. She ached and the grief poured out as a fresh wave of tears fell. Latching onto the person she cried into their shoulder as someone else knelt down and stroked her arm. Her friends were excessively good to her. Personally, she had a feeling that she would have been frustrated beyond belief, if she were them.

Hearing the soothing mumbles come from Nathan as he held her she began to relax slightly, and as she opened her eyes, she felt the water still fall down her cheeks but not quite as heavy. Recognising Haley in front of her she watched as the woman stood and left quickly to answer the door.

Voices sounded from down the hall and she could faintly pick out her best friends voice as it sounded out loudly asking what had happened. As her body stopped its shaking, she breathed in and shuddered slightly.

"Oh Peyton".

Looking up at Brooke she tried to smile but it was to no avail. Even her body was tired of pretending to be something it was not. Brooke stepped forward and dropped down in front of her. Reaching out she began the soothing strokes on Peyton's hair. It was something Brooke had always done for her ever since they were little. Haley returned with a glass of water and set it to one side then knelt on the floor by Peyton's feet. After a few minutes, her sobs stopped and the only sounds were her slightly ragged breathing. Closing her eyes, she tried to ignore the embarrassment that began to fill her. Brooke was used to it by now but she had broken down in front of the others. Nathan still had her wrapped in his arms and she leant on his shoulder tiredly. Crying all of the time was definitely exhausting. Thinking back to earlier in the day, she let out a small laugh. Looking at her friends questioning looks she answered them.

"Can you believe earlier I thought today would be a good day".

Taking the glass Haley offered her, she smiled her appreciation.

"Peyton... don't hate me... but what happened", Brooke asked confused by her friends sudden regression.

Wiping her face with one hand she felt Brooke grab her other.

"The usual... Lucas manages to break me down with his ridiculous words".

Sitting up she shifted to the side of Nathan looking at him she nodded to his shirt.

"Sorry about that".

Reaching out with his arm, he pulled her towards him and kissed her head.

"Don't worry about it... my wife doesn't mind me hugging other women".

Smacking his leg Haley raised an eyebrow and smiled at blonde-haired woman.

"It's okay Peyton... I was there when you both used to date."

Nodding she laughed at Haley's words and looked at her old boyfriend.

"True... how many times did we break up"?

Before he could answer, Brooke interrupted looking at Peyton.

"I hate to interrupt this trip down memory lane... but what did the idiot say to you".

Pulling away from Nathan, Peyton ran her shaking hand through her hair. Brushing away the tear that fell with her other hand, she laughed hollowly.

"He actually had the nerve to apologise... again. That wasn't it though... I told him I was not missing him... and it felt good. I ignored his ridiculously empty apologies and was doing okay with the hatred."

Nodding Haley tilted her head. Putting her hand on Peyton's shin, she drew her attention.

"If you were doing fine..."

"What made me break down", Peyton interrupted knowingly. Watching her friend's inquisitive gazes, she breathed in shakily and pulled her knees up. "I put the phone down on the table so I could get Nate... and I heard him. Apparently, the great Lucas Scott misses me. Not only that... when I said I didn't miss him he had the nerve to be upset."

"I'm seriously going to kill that boy", Brooke said glaring in anger. She was tired of him hurting her friend.

Nodding in agreement Nathan leant back against the wall.

"Join the club... he's my brother so I get first hit".

Smiling at her friends Peyton sobered slightly as a thought crossed her mind.

"Oh... is he..." she trailed off.

"No... After you ran in here I sort of shouted at him down the phone", Haley said with a sad smile. It never occurred to the others how hard this must be for her. Haley was beginning to lose her oldest friends. Reaching forward Peyton grabbed her hand.

"I'm sorry Hales... this is my fault".

Suddenly the other three all began to speak at once as they all tried to deny her statement. As Brooke and Nathan's voices died down Haley looked at Peyton.

"This is not you at all... he's my friend... but at the moment he's making it very hard to like him. I'm just sorry I was so bad to you when you first got back."

"Like calling me a home wrecker", Peyton said with a small smirk.

"You called her what?" Brooke asked glaring at Haley.

Holding her hands up Haley glanced at the other three slightly embarrassed.

"In my defence I had just seen them kiss."

Nathan turned to Peyton and nudged her with his shoulder.

"Was that before or after you tried to kill him with the book attack".

With a smile that never reached her eyes, Peyton sighed at her friend's statement. It was time they knew her side of the story. By the sounds of it Lucas had, had no problem in sharing the details with his friends.

"You heard about that huh. He annoyed me... he told me that it was all my fault. Apparently, I never believed he could publish his book. Unfortunately, for him I've brought every copy I've ever seen of the stupid thing. I happened to have a few copies behind me at the time so..."

"Shame you missed", Brooke uttered earning a laugh from Nathan.

"Actually one of them swiped his cheek." Looking at them, she breathed in deeply and continued. "As for what you saw Hales... I kissed him and then stepped back. He was the one who continued it. He ran afterwards though... once again I'm not enough for him."

"P. Sawyer..." Brooke started.

"He's an idiot I know", she interrupted.

"Can I ask you something... and don't take it the wrong way okay", nodding at Haley's question Peyton waited patiently for her to continue.

When he first came back from LA years ago... He said you didn't want to marry him".

Shaking her head Peyton could feel the tears building up again and managed to stop them before they fell.

"I never said no... I would never have said that. I just wanted a year... one stupid year, which now seems ridiculous... but at the time, I was scared. I didn't want him to resent me... he was going to move out there. I thought if he did, his book would go un-published. I didn't want him to let go of his dreams for me".

Nodding Haley could feel the annoyance in her body growing. For all these years, he had lied to her. Whenever she had asked him, he said that Peyton had refused flat out. When Peyton had told her what she had said weeks ago after the proposal she had been to angry to listen. Looking up she heard Peyton continue her speech.

"He left me in the hotel room that night... I woke up in the morning and he was gone". As the memories came out Peyton felt the tears fall again. Leaning her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes and continued while she had the strength. They needed to hear her side... she had been quiet for too long.

"He knew how I felt about people leaving me... and... You know when I got that phone call from him a year later I was so happy. I thought that finally we would be okay."

"He said you never showed", Haley interrupted wincing slightly as Peyton opened her eyes to gaze at her.

"I did... but when I got there I saw Lindsey kiss him and I thought..."

"Oh God", Haley said grabbing Nathan's hand as she realised that her friends were miserable due to a misunderstanding.

"Yeah I know... he told me a while ago that I was wrong. I guess I was still hurt from the hotel that I ran when I saw them together. But I came back for him".

"We know", Brooke, said with a small smile. Sometimes her friend was blind to her own feelings.

"It's a shame none of you told me that earlier. I just resent him sometimes... he wrote a ridiculous novel which everyone claims was a love letter to me. All I see it as is a pack of lies. I was never the one. How can someone constantly tell a person they are great when they don't believe it themselves? I just... I told him a few weeks ago, I would let him go... and I'm going to. I just need him to stop missing me. He has to let me go to otherwise I'm leaving."

"Peyton..." Nathan started trying to argue with her decision, but he was cut of by her raising her hand.

"No it's okay... I just cannot be in the same place as him if he keeps holding on... it's too hard. I'm becoming someone I hate... at least in LA it was slightly easier. I'm just angry with myself... I miss him... and at times I would give anything not to feel this."

Standing up quickly Brooke went to walk out the room. Looking at her retreat Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Where are you going"?

Stopping at the door, Brooke turned around angrily.

"I'm going to speak with the jerk".

Standing quickly Peyton ran after Brooke and grabbed the phone from her hand.

"No Brooke... please. If you want to yell at him wait till he gets home".

Sighing at her friend Brooke felt the anger dissipate slowly at Peyton's pleading. Her face was still filled with sorrow and her cheeks were etched with tear tracks. Nodding Brooke drew her into a hug and held on tightly.

"It's okay... I can wait to inflict bodily harm".

Feeling her friends arms around her Peyton felt the last of the pain leave her. Nathan and Haley had gone to check on their son. Closing her eyes Peyton felt slightly better. It was amazing the effect that finally letting out her side of the argument had had. Now she could truly begin to heal properly. Pulling back slightly she looked at Brooke and spoke.

"You called me Peyton... twice".

Laughing slightly Brooke rubbed Peyton's arm soothingly.

"Now you know how worried I was".

Nodding Peyton yawned tiredly and looked at her friend.

"I want to go home".

They were without doubt the best words Brooke could have heard. She just hoped that Peyton was not forced to leave. With that thought, she promised herself that she would everything possible to ensure that Lucas Scott was unable to force her friend to run. Making a mental list of things that needed to be done for Peyton, she smirked slightly at the first one.

'_Rip Lucas a new one and keep him away from her'._

**xxxxxx**

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he laughed hollowly at the events of the last few minutes. His mind still could not believe it. He had actually spoken to Peyton on the phone... surprised would be an understatement. Although he had stuttered when he had first heard her voice he had actually managed to converse civilly with her. Shaking his head he amended his thoughts... she had sounded like she hated him. Then again he could not blame her... ever since she had returned he had done nothing but given her reasons to dislike him.

When his dreams had begun, he had wondered what it would be like when he spoke to her again. However, she had just shown that she had no interest in wanting anything to do with him. He had desperately tried to apologise but she was not having it. She had been so angry and he could not help the last three words he had echoed.

He had actually said he missed her. The sentiment had escaped his lips before he even realised he was thinking them. As soon as they had been uttered, he had closed his eyes desperately hoping she would say something. However silence had greeted and he realised she had gone. Until Haley had picked up. She had essentially screamed at him. Apparently Peyton had heard him... he had upset her again. All he seemed to do was destroy Peyton Sawyer. If there was an award for the cruelest man on earth he was sure it would be his.

Shaking his head, he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand while the other played restlessly with the bed sheet. He was so stupid. He had been so hurt when she had said those things. All he remembered was the dull ache that had spread throughout his chest.

After Lindsey had gone to the sauna room, he had decided to phone Haley. He had actually wanted to talk to her about his dreams. He needed to tell someone and she was well aware of the Lucas Scott drama. Unfortunately, by time he spoke to his friend she was unwilling to listen. As he had placed, the phone down he had decided... he would not tell anyone about his dreams. Hopefully they would stop in time. Peyton had made it clear that she never missed him. If she could move on... he would have to as well. He had Lindsey and he did love her. Eventually she would be the one he dreamt of.

He was so frustrated. He was at the point where he wanted to cry out. Without doubt, Peyton Sawyer would be the death of him. Getting up quickly he slammed his fist into the wall beside him. As his knuckles protested, blood seeped from a small cut. Walking to the bathroom, he ran the tap to wash away the evidence of his anger. Unfortunately, his hand seemed to be bruising quickly before him. He was so annoyed at himself. Resigned to the fact that he had to live with his new life he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

He had never been one to cry but he was agitated tremendously. His heart seemed to have mixed feelings. He wanted someone he was not supposed to. He had written that ridiculous book. All it had done was cause him problems. Especially that last line.

"_I was now and would always be... in love with Peyton Sawyer"._

It haunted him. In some ways, he wished that his dream had never come true. The world may love his novel but he certainly did not.

Hearing the door open he wiped his face to get rid of the tear tracks. Clasping his swollen hand in the other he walked into the room pasting a sheepish smile on his face. Unfortunately the pain he was feeling ruined his efforts.

"Oh my God... Lucas... what happened?"

Seeing him injured Lindsey rushed forward to look at his hand. The worry etched on her face tore into him more. She should not care about him so much... he did not deserve it. Gently taking his injured hand her brows furrowed as she regarded him.

"What happened?" She repeated.

Shrugging his shoulders, he tried to think of something other then the truth. He was sure that if he blamed it on his anger about Peyton she might react the wrong way. Sighing he noted how yet another lie would be told to the woman before him. His mother had always told him the truth was important. It was just a shame that lately he chose to ignore the advice. His eyes darted around the room and he noticed the discarded bag that earlier had tried to kill him. Peyton had sounded so concerned when she heard him cry out. For a single moment, he had thought that maybe she still cared. Then she had destroyed that thought when she had made her small speech. Looking back at Lindsey, he smiled lightly.

"I tripped over the bag... almost went head-first through the door and I caught my hand on the wall."

With baited breath, he hoped she would believe him. Noticing the worry flickering through her eyes he watched as she nodded and lightly stroked his arm.

"Okay... you're lucky, but I do think we should go to the hospital".

As the pain still shot up his arm, he could not help but agree with her. It did hurt more then anything he had done in a while. Nodding he followed her to the door as she grabbed her jacket. Lowering his head he kept his gaze on the floor while he waited for her. He knew what everyone would say when they found out what he had done.

There was only one woman who could bring out such emotions in him. Feeling his heart tug painfully his entire body ached. He was so tired. The dream from earlier still echoed around his mind and brought the memories forth. He could not stop missing her. It was worse now he was married… there was no way she would ever be his again. Shaking his head, he felt a tear slip again. Wiping it away, he breathed in deeply.

She had moved on... she had not missed him... she was letting him go. There was though a large problem he was faced with now.

How could he move on with the future when he was stuck in the past?

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Hope you liked it. I know it was bit depressing but the next chapter will be slightly happier. Oh and Derek makes an appearance so... YAY. Thanks for reading.**


	9. Goodbye to you

**A/N: Thank you for all of the great reviews. I do love to know what people think. I hope you like the update. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Still do not own a thing... so sad.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_And every time I close my eyes  
My heart is bleeding deep inside  
But now my eyes are open  
And I'm never gonna be the one for you  
The one for you_

So I wanted you to know  
That I finally let you go  
After all I've held on to  
This is my goodbye to you  
I was always there for you  
But you never saw the truth  
And the reason that I know  
Is I've finally let you go

I finally let you go  
Let you go  
Let you go  
So this is my goodbye to you

_(Breaking Point - Goodbye to you)_

Peyton laughed as the ball flew into her grasp. Feigning to her left she passed the ball to her team-mate and watched as another player picked him up. Holding her hands up, she pointed at the two people.

"Hey no fair... Nate that's an illegal move".

Putting his son down Nathan shrugged his shoulders and laughed.

"What did I do"?

Walking forward she smiled as Jamie ran up to her and copied her stance. Hands on hips they both glared at the offender.

"Picking up my team-mate is not fair play".

"Fine... you get a free shot", he said as he passed her the ball.

"Can I take it Aunt P", Jamie asked excitedly.

"Sure... your better then me anyway."

With that, Jamie giggled as Skills lifted him in the air so he could shoot. Letting the ball fly from his small hands they watched as it went straight in.

"That will teach you Nate", Haley shouted from the bench where her and Brooke were watching the game.

Rolling his eyes in fake annoyance, he patted his son on the back. He was sure he could not be more proud of his child if he tried.

"Daddy... did you see that".

"That was a great shot" he answered.

"Hey Jamie does the team-mate get a hug", Peyton said crouching down as the youngest Scott ran up to her. Grabbing him in a hug, she laughed as he whispered a few tactics in her ear. Nodding she got up and handed him the ball again.

Just then, the game was interrupted by the arrival of car. Everyone looked curiously as the black truck pulled to a stop. Looking at her friends Peyton nodded to the vehicle.

"Everyone we know is here already... and I don't think Mouth would drive something that big".

Standing from the bench Brooke looked on excitedly. It was time for Peyton's birthday surprise. Shaking her head at her friends questioning gazes Brooke lifted her arms up to draw their attention.

"Not quite everybody ... now I know your birthday is tomorrow but I got you something... or someone".

Signalling behind her with a wave she heard the door open. Keeping her gaze on her best friend she waited for the recognition to appear.

"Oh my god..." Running forward Peyton jumped into the arms of the one person she had not seen for over a year.

"Derek".

As he clasped onto Peyton, Derek chuckled at how happy she seemed to be at the sight of him. Guaranteed he had not seen her for over a year but they still spoke on the phone regularly.

Pulling back slightly Peyton slapped his arm.

"You could have said something the other day".

Shrugging his shoulders, he gazed in Brooke's direction.

"Don't blame me... Miss Davies there said she'd skin me alive if I let it slip."

Laughing at him Peyton stepped forward again and hugged him quicker this time

"I missed you... I'm so glad you're here".

Nodding he pulled back and rubbed her arm.

"I missed you to... little sister".

Turning to her friends, she dragged Derek along with their hands clasped tightly. As she stopped in front of the group, she indicated him with a nod of her head.

"You all remember my brother don't you"?

**xxxxxx**

After the introductions had been made Peyton had left to go for a walk with Derek. She wanted to talk to him and catch up. Even though she had spoken to him the other day, she needed to converse with him properly. Strolling along the beach Peyton hugged Derek's arm close to her. The simple comfort she experienced from the action was relaxing. She was so happy at this moment... it was a shame she could not freeze it. With his hands in his pockets, Derek gazed out at the sea.

"So... Brooke tells me you haven't been too good".

Laughing hollowly Peyton squeezed his arm slightly trying to draw some strength. Her smile disappeared and she felt the heaviness of the past few months settling on her again.

"I've been okay".

"Don't lie to me Sawyer... remember we're genetically alike... I know what you're doing".

Smiling at his words Peyton rolled her eyes jokingly.

"I hate it when you do that".

"Stop changing the subject... spill".

Sighing she sobered slightly and let go of his arm. Keeping close to him, she watched the breaking waves hypnotically as she spoke.

"He's married..."

At that moment watching her in obvious pain, Derek wanted to hurt Lucas. The man had promised him he would keep her safe. He despised lying more than anything. Nodding he nudged her lightly with his shoulder

"I know".

"I watched him marry her... I actually told him I would move on. In some ways I just wish that somebody had told me what would happen when I came back."

Clearing his throat Derek looked at her pointedly. Sighing she glared at him, but could not help the small smile on her face.

"You don't count".

"Well I should... I told you he was an idiot after what he did to you".

"No you said... and I quote..." deepening her voice mockingly, Peyton continued, "Where is he…? I want to break him".

Both of them laughed at the ridiculous impression. It had been true though. Upon hearing his sister's recollection at the time, he had been furious with Lucas. Derek had always thought that out of all her friends Lucas knew her the best. Apparently, he had been wrong. Peyton had been scared... Lucas had just decided to overlook that.

Sobering slightly Peyton sighed and looked away.

"Is it me?"

Furrowing his brow Derek looked shocked at her question. Shaking his head, he argued her statement.

"No it's not... look Lucas is a jerk. Now I know you don't want to hear this but I think it will help you."

Warily Peyton nodded her head slowly and answered him in a whisper.

"OK".

"I know I don't know you friends that well... but when I first met him I was sure Lucas loved you. It was actually really obvious. Now if you want my opinion... love like that does not die."

"I don't think he ever really loved me".

Sighing Derek shook his head again,

"What about his book".

"It's just a story... it may have been true on my side... but his was fiction".

She seemed so resigned and it hurt him.

"Look... you know that night after you were attacked".

"Which time"?

Lifting his arm and putting it around her shoulders he pulled her towards him as they walked along.

"The first time..."

"Yeah".

"Well Lucas stayed outside your door all night; he just sat there watching your window".

Shaking her head confused Payton considered her brother's words.

"I don't... how do you know that".

Laughing at her confusion, he answered.

"Because I stayed in my car across the road all night."

Stopping his steps, Derek pulled her round to face him. Grabbing both her shoulders, he looked her in the eye.

"He loves you... everyone can see it. He guarded you that night without you even knowing. How many people would do that"?

"You did".

Nodding at her question Derek smiled,

"Yeah but I had just found out I was your brother... it was my new job to protect you... what was his reason?"

The silence that followed his admission was fairly painful. Derek watched as the emotions flew over Peyton's face. The last one stood out though, understanding mixed with sadness. He knew that telling her what had happened would hurt her, but she had to know. That way she would know that Lucas had loved her. It would hurt but eventually she would be able to move on as well. Peyton was strong and he knew that she would be okay. Getting her attention Derek smiled and continued,

"You have to fight Peyton... just live and be yourself. You cannot change his mind and to be honest with you it's a bit late now. What you can do though is rub the fact that you have moved on in his face. Normally I would not tell you revenge is the answer... but when it comes to that idiot..."

"Revenge is healing" she answered slowly. Tears streaked down her face and she shook her head at her thoughts. Her brother was right. Lucas did not deserve her tears not anymore.

"You know when our dad left my mum... I burnt every CD he had ever made and given me."

"Did it help?" she asked intrigued. Watching her brother nod slowly she turned back to the water.

"Yeah it did at the time. Now I look back and think... why? But that doesn't matter all that does is at the time it helped me heal."

Nodding she leaned towards her brother and hugged him. Feeling his arms around her, she let the tears fall softly. It was comforting to know that she had some one else to turn to. In some ways, he was even better than her friends were. Selfishly she did not care at how her thoughts went but it was true. Derek was the only person solely on her side. He hated Lucas because of how he treated her... and it felt nice. Unlike her friends, there would be no difficult moments between Lucas and her brother.

Pulling back, Derek smiled at his sister.

"Peyton... one more thing... do not under any circumstances let him see you cry. He does not deserve your tears. You're better then that… you're better then him".

Nodding she moved to his side and latched onto his arm. As they strolled along, she wiped her tears and smiled. He was right Lucas did not deserve anything from her. Later she would have to thank Brooke for the best birthday present she had ever received.

**xxxxxx**

Waking sharply he sat up caching his injured hand at the same time. Silently cursing himself, he glared disgustedly at the bandage. According to the doctor, he had broken a knuckle, which meant he was looking at a few weeks in this ridiculous contraption. Although it could have been worse. He was fortunate that it was only a heavy bandage and not a proper cast. Rolling his eyes at his ridiculous thoughts, he stood dejectedly and walked to the balcony. Once again, it seemed that Lucas Scott would not be sleeping. Sitting down in what had to be the most uncomfortable chair in the world he leaned back to look at the stars. His memories drifted off to his dream and he closed his eyes willing them away.

_This time he had been sat on the River Court. Staring out at the water, he rolled a ball between his fingertips. He was younger, not much... but he could tell. It was strange how his dreams seemed to make him more youthful... it was not as if he was old. Then he saw her... and that's when he knew. She looked like she did before the end of high school... before he broke her beyond repair. _

_Walking up to him, he watched out of the corner of his eye at her uncertainty. Turning his head, he smiled offering a silent invitation. As she sat beside him, he let the ball go and grasped her closest hand. It was moments like these he cherished. The times in his unconscious thoughts before she turned on him. And she always did. Normally he would say something lovingly and she would show her hatred. Breathing in slowly he turned his head to look at her. She was so beautiful... he had always thought that but he regretted never telling her more. Watching her eyes gaze at the water he smiled. She always seemed so peaceful even though deep down he knew she was not. _

_Opening his mouth, he could not help the words that escaped him._

_"I love you"._

_Closing his eyes sharply he waited for the disgust which would be evident in her voice. Surprise took hold, as he was proved wrong._

_"I love you too Lucas"._

_Opening his eyes quickly he gazed around at the new scenery. Looking to his side he noticed the alter and the ceremony taking place. It was the scene he had viewed in the church. His friends and family were there and the sounds of the water could be heard. Turning back to look in front of him he gasped. She was a vision... slightly older then a while ago... she looked like she had when she first returned from LA. Her hair was pulled up and she wore a dress that he was sure made his heart beat faster. That was not it though... her eyes. The love and obvious happiness there caused his breath to stop momentarily. He had not seen that look in her eyes for years. The first time had been at the game, when he finally told her how he felt. _

_Blinking quickly he tried to change the scene before him. Shaking his head, he realized he did not really want to. As he leant forward, he raised his hand to stroke her cheek. Smiling he watched her lean into him. Dipping his head down he smiled softly._

_"I love you"._

_As she pulled back, he noticed the way her eyes seemed to glow. His heart burst with joy at the thought that he had put that look on her face. Turning as he heard words spoken he took in the sight of the minister._

_"Lucas... you have written your own vows"._

_Feeling his head nod he became slightly scared at the thought that he had nothing to say. Suddenly the lights went out and he gazed around wildly looking for an indication he was not alone. Noticing a small light he looked to his side. There sat on a chair was Haley. Reeling back slightly he turned to face her._

_"Hales", he said confused._

_"Lucas... you know what to say. Speak from your heart. Listen to yourself"._

_With that, the voice changed and Nathan looked at him._

_"Listen to yourself"._

_Slowly he watched on helplessly as Nathan disappeared followed by Brooke... his Mum... Keith... Jamie... and Skills. Each of them said the same line to him. Hauntingly it suddenly stopped and he closed his eyes as Skills disappeared. Then a voice spoke out. Opening them slowly he noticed Peyton sitting on the stool._

_"Lucas... I will always love you... all you have to do is love me... speak from your heart... listen to yourself... Now open your eyes"._

_Slowly the light came back on and he opened his eyes never realising he had closed them again. There in front of him stood the ceremony waiting for him to begin. Taking a deep breath, he felt tears build behind his eyes._

_"Peyton Sawyer... for as long as I have known you... I've loved you. I may have strayed from us a few times but you were always in my sight. I'm sorry for everything I have ever done to make you doubt me. But I make you this promise..." grabbing her hands, he held them lightly in his own. Stepping as close to, her as possible he held her gaze. "I will love you until the day I die and I will do everything possible to keep you safe. Me and you Peyton... true love always. That's today Peyton... always starts today."_

_He could hear the claps from the witnesses but could not focus on them. All he could see was her. Tears streamed down her cheeks but at that moment, she had never looked so amazing. Suddenly he was pushed back and it took him a moment to realize it was her. Seeing her hands knock him away he looked up sharply. A tear fell from his eye and he looked on confused as she stepped away shaking her head. He desperately tried to reach out for her but she hit his hands away._

_"Why", he whispered brokenly._

_Angrily she gazed at him, causing him to stop in his tracks. However, the words that flew from her mouth where the thing that destroyed him._

_"Why Lucas... I will love you forever... but you let me go. You lost me and I hate you for that. This day should have been ours and now... I don't miss you anymore... I'm letting you go. Goodbye Lucas"._

Opening his eyes, he felt the dampness on his cheeks. He had been crying and never realised it. He was pathetic and angrily he stood from his chair. Walking back into his room he dressed quickly. He needed to get out of here. As he reached the door, he heard a whisper from behind him.

"Lucas... don't go".

Turning slowly he noticed the tears trailing Lindsey's cheeks. He could not believe he had managed to hurt another woman. Nodding slowly he walked forward to the bed's edge.

"I was going for a walk".

Reaching out her hand, she grasped hold of his un-bandaged one.

"I know you don't want to talk... but I'm here for you... I love you Lucas".

Closing his eyes, he tried to stop the assault of images from his dream. He loved Lindsey... he knew he did. Sitting down beside her, he reached out to touch her cheek.

"I love you too... I'm sorry".

"It's okay... just lie with me".

Nodding he moved slowly to kick his shoes off and then lie down next to her. As she moved his head to her shoulder, he took the comfort she offered. Closing his eyes he sighed as her fingers stroked his hair soothingly. He would not sleep again tonight but at least he was resting. Finally, his thoughts stopped and he breathed out his words slowly.

"Could we go home a bit earlier then planned".

"Is it your hand?"

Unseen to her he cringed and felt the weight of his question hit. Only he knew the real reason behind his motive. He could not stay here... this place was killing him. Moreover, he was the only one who could protect the woman who haunted his dreams. She needed someone and he had to be there. Even if she were not his to protect anymore... he would never forgive himself if she got hurt. Nodding slightly he answered.

"Yeah... I'm sorry".

"It's okay... we can go after lunch rather then wait till the following day".

"Thanks".

The acceptance from her broke him. She trusted him completely and he was going to hurt her. He knew he would. He did not know how long this charade could go on for. Sighing gently he accepted his fate. He had two women who loved him and he loved both of them. The question was which owned most of his heart. He just hoped he had picked the right one.

**xxxxxx**

The beach was silent. It was midnight and the only light came from the small bonfire in the centre of the sand. A lone figure stood there watching the flames flicker. Small tears cascaded down her cheeks and a little realisation came to her. It was officially her birthday. Sighing she looked up at the stars. When she was little every birthday her father would tell her to pick out the brightest one. He would then say that it was her mother. For so long that had helped... and in some small way it still did. Looking back at the fire, she bent down and retrieved a book off the floor. As she stood, she breathed in deeply. It was time. Pulling her arm back, she threw it forward and let go of the object in her hand.

The novel landed with a thud a few flickers of ash lifted slowly into the air. It was almost breathtaking how the flames gently licked at the new addition. Watching as the fire slowly consumed the novel she smiled softly. It was so peaceful. She could feel the pain and memories easing slightly and the relief she felt was amazing.

Suddenly a loud thud sounded beside her and she jumped. Raising a hand to her chest, she glared at the newcomer.

"Hell Nate... are you trying to give me a coronary?"

Laughing he looked at Brooke who had walked up beside him. Looking at Peyton, Brooke glared back.

"Okay I know you had some epic romance... but did you need over 70 copies of the ridiculous thing".

Shrugging her shoulders Peyton looked down sheepishly.

"Sorry", she offered quietly.

Laughing Nate bent down to the box he had dropped. Opening the lid, he whistled comically as copies of Lucas Scott's novel flooded out. She must surely be over half of his fan base. Walking towards Peyton, Brooke raised an eyebrow.

"You know ... when I burnt that other copy you could have said you had others."

"I did tell you... last night remember".

Chuckling at her answer Nathan stood and indicated the six boxes all around.

"No Sawyer... you said 'I had a few that I threw'... you never said you had enough to start your own bookshop".

Shrugging again Peyton smiled,

"You should not have underestimated me".

Frowning as she looked at Peyton's tear stained face Brooke took her hand.

"You okay honey".

"Yeah... just... help me throw all those on here".

"Are you sure?" Brooke asked.

Nodding Peyton smiled sadly. She had to be strong. If watching all of the books burn felt as good as watching one then she would be fine. Letting go of Brooke's hand she walked to the first box and began throwing books into the fire. As the other two helped, the piles soon began to dwindle down. Eventually they were left with just one. Handing it to Peyton, Nathan smiled reassuringly at his friend.

Turning slowly Peyton looked down at her hands. This was her last copy. Breathing in deeply she closed her eyes as the lines from the book echoed through her memories. It was one quote though that persisted.

"_I was now and would always be... in love with Peyton Sawyer"._

It haunted her. Ridiculous really how twelve words could mean so much? The was part was the lie. Feeling a hand on her arm Peyton opened her eyes and nodded slowly.

"I'm okay".

Slowly she moved her arm back and pulled it forward watching entranced as the novel fell from her fingertips. It was as if as the book left her grasp she could feel herself finally letting go. She would never have thought that in such little time the hurt would be bearable. As she dropped her arms to her side, her two friends joined her. Both of them picked up a hand each and clasped it in their own. She was glad she had not done this alone... she needed them. Watching the fire burn the mound of memories, she noted that her brother was right. This was therapy... for now anyway. Anyway that was that novel was... her memories as well as her friends. As far as she was concerned her memories died the day Lucas got married.

"Thank you", she said quietly knowing her friends would understand what she was grateful for. They had helped her so much over the last week... she knew that alone she would never have accepted her new life. She would always love him... but with her friends help she would let him go. Smiling, she squeezed both their hands gently. Who ever said that therapy had to be done alone was badly mistaken.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Okay so I know a lot of you want some Leyton scenes but I think I am almost done with the whole moving on part. I promise you that there are some coming up soon. In fact, I have already written them so I can guarantee you. The next TWO chapters are... (Drum roll please)... the party and the return of 'he-who-shall-not-be-named'.**


	10. Broken heart

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. They are great. Some of you have asked about the novel that Lucas wrote just before his wedding. Don't worry it will all be explained really soon. I will tell you though the novel has been written but not shown to Lindsey... yet. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_It Could Have Been Me_

_I said it could have been me  
A Broken Heart  
Needs Someone New to Blame It On_

_  
That Broken Heart Will Be Forever and a Lifetime  
That Broken Heart Will Try Your Love Like None Before  
And You May Fight Or You May Run  
For What Was Fast Is Now Undone  
A Broken Heart Needs Someone New to Blame It On  
_

_A Broken Heart Needs Someone New to Blame It On_

_(Big Country - Broken heart)_

The bedroom door swinging open and hitting the wall woke Peyton sharply. She was still exhausted from last night. Her, Brooke and Nathan had stayed on the beach for half an hour after the books were disposed of. Then by the time they had arrived home, Peyton was no longer tired and she and Brooke had decided to stay up watching a film. It seemed that she was now suffering the consequences of the wine that had gone along with the movie. She did not have a hangover it was just the overwhelming need to sleep. Groaning she lifted the covers over her head and tried desperately to will away the day. Of course, she loved her birthday... but the fact that it reminded her of what she did not have made it depressing.

" get up now...it's your birthday and you will celebrate".

Sighing Peyton lifted the covers down slightly so she could peek over the top. Apparently her friend was not suffering like she was. Glaring at Brooke, she rolled her eyes at the obvious enjoyment her friend was getting from this situation. There was one thing that Peyton truly hated in the world... mornings. Even in High school given the choice, classes would have started at midday. Glancing quickly at the alarm clock to her side she sat up quickly.

"Brooke... its 7.30" she shrieked.

"I know... I am so sorry. I was meant to get you up earlier then this".

"Please tell me you're joking", Peyton asked tiredly. Rubbing her face with her hand, she went to lie back down. Her movements were halted by a hand on her arm.

"Come on... up... we have to make you look great".

Pulling back the covers Brooke tugged repeatedly on her arm. As she finally managed to pull Peyton up, she led her out of the room. Peyton followed dejectedly dragging her feet slowly. Leading her to the bathroom Brooke revealed a large bath filled with hot water and enough candles to attract an aeroplane.

"Wow..." Peyton said surprised at the effort her friend had made. Suddenly she did not feel as tired as before.

"I know I'm amazing... now get in, you have exactly half an hour to relax."

"Erm... okay" Peyton said, but her words were pointless as the door shut behind her friend before they were finished. Staring at the dimly lit room she closed her mouth which hang slightly open. She had never been a great fan of baths but the water did look inviting. Brooke had even left her I Pod on the side. Smiling at her friends actions she removed her top and stepped out of her shorts. Not bothering to pick them she slowly climbed into the bath. The water seemed to instantly soothe her muscles.

Letting out a small moan of satisfaction she slid down until the water covered her. Picking up her headphones, she placed them in her ears mindful of the water. The lavender scented bubbles created a sense of relaxation and she felt her mind begin to drift. This was definitely the best start to a day she had so far. Placing her head back onto wall, she closed her eyes as the music washed over her. Smiling softly she hoped that the rest of the day would go as smoothly.

**xxxxxx**

Brooke paced up and down the kitchen waving her hand frantically. The other clutched the phone tightly to her ear as she voiced orders down the phone.

"Tutor Mum please tell me your husband managed to finish preparing everything".

"Brooke would you calm down... everything is finished here... okay".

Sighing Brooke slowed to a stop and let her shoulders relax slightly.

"Sorry... I just want her to have the perfect birthday... she deserves it".

"I know you do... we all want that... and it will be great".

Nodding Brooke looked towards the bathroom door, which concealed her best friend.

"Okay... I'm just having a mild panic attack".

"That's alright... you're stressed out... where is the birthday girl anyway".

"Oh I made her take a bath... my hand actually still has cramp from lighting the candles."

Hearing a laugh from her friend Brooke smiled.

"Wow... you know my birthday is coming up... I love baths".

"That's what Nate is for" Brooke answered.

Noticing that the clock read 8AM Brooke began moving back to the counter.

"Okay... I have to wake her up before she drowns... We'll see you at your house in an hour".

"Sure... how do you know she's fallen asleep anyway"?

Laughing Brooke rolled her eyes knowingly,

"Because that girl does not do mornings... and I let her listen to music in there".

"True I remember last time I had to wake her up early. If looks could kill... well I'll see you soon".

"Bye Hales".

With that, Brooke placed the phone back into the holder and walked to the bathroom. Not bothering to knock she opened the door slowly and sure enough Peyton was fast asleep. Shaking her head in amusement Brooke walked to the bath and gently removed the headphones from her friend's ear. If she did this right she could definitely get some amusement from the situation. After all this was not the first time she had done this. Lifting Peyton's arm that lay on the edge of the bath she breathed in deeply before calling rather loudly.

"... wake your arse up".

Sitting up startled Peyton slipped back and went straight under the water. Feeling a tug on her arm, she came back up to the surface and coughed up the water that she managed to swallow. Bubbles fell from her hair and she rubbed her eyes. Glaring at Brooke, she splashed some water in her direction.

"If you weren't my friend ... I would hate you".

Bent over, Brooke had trouble breathing as a fresh wave of giggles hit her. The look on Peyton's face was definitely what could be called a Kodak moment. That was four times now in total since she had known Peyton that she had managed to do that. As she managed to get the laughter under control she straightened and wiped the stray bubbles from her top. Now she knew why she had had the urge to wear something old earlier. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she smiled at her friend.

"I'm sorry ... but the opportunity was too good to miss."

Peyton could not help the small smile that formed onto her lips. Her hair may be dripping with water but she could imagine that the sight was rather funny. One day she would get her friend, back... she just had to wait. Raising an eyebrow, she pushed some of her hair back from her face.

"So seeing as you ruined the relaxing mood that you set... what now?"

Walking to the towel holder Brooke picked up a large fluffy bath towel and held it out to her friend.

"Well I'm going to your room as I have something for you to wear... then we're off to visit a certain Nephew who wants to see his latest hero".

Laughing at the look of bafflement on her friends face Brooke turned and left the room. Just before the door closed, she poked her head back in and added,

"Oh and don't fall asleep again... you'll suffer the consequences".

As the door shut, she heard the sound of water hitting the wood. Laughing she walked to the bedroom.

"You missed ".

**xxxxxx**

As promised the two woman knocked on the Scott's door exactly an hour later. The door swung open to reveal a rather excited superhero and his mother.

"Aunt P".

Jumping forward, Jamie clad in jeans, shirt and cape wrapped his arms around Peyton's legs. Letting go slightly he pulled her down to his level and then wrapped his arms more comfortably around her neck. Closing her eyes, she smiled at the obvious joy coming from her nephew. Looking up at Hales, she smiled over his shoulder,

"Hey Hales".

"Happy Birthday Miss Sawyer", Haley said laughing at her son's antics.

Hearing a throat clear behind her Peyton chuckled and pulled back from the boy.

"Remember me... "Brooke said not being able to help the smile gracing her lips.

Looking up at her Jamie hugged Brooke as well. Haley smiled at Brooke as she hugged Peyton.

"Hey Brooke."

"Aunt Brooke... your my second best Aunt".

"Thanks' honey... you really know how to make a woman feel special."

Giggling Jamie pulled back and went to walk to the kitchen pulling Peyton along by her hand.

"I know", he said cheekily.

Hugging Brooke quickly Haley stepped back and smiled,

"Don't worry he still talks about you as well. I think he wants to move in you both."

"I'm sure we can find room", Brooke said teasingly.

As they turned to follow the Jamie and Peyton, Haley glared jokingly at her friend.

"If my son goes missing... I'll know where to look.

Laughing Brooke hooked her arm through Haley's and then glanced in front of her to see if Peyton was close by. Turning her head, she gazed at her friend.

"We all set for tonight".

"Yeah... everyone is leaving at five and meeting at Tric at six thirty".

"Good... although she sort of knows already, so I don't entirely know why we're whispering".

Shrugging her shoulders Haley laughed softly.

"It is fun".

Reaching the other two who had stopped at the door they smiled as Peyton looked slightly shocked. There were two large tables filled with enough food to feed an army. Mouth, Millie and Skills sat by the pool with a glass of lemonade clutched in their hands while Nathan and Derek operated the grill. Overall, she definitely did not expect this. It was not her friends though that had her slightly shocked it was the fact that standing next to Nathan was one of people she least expected.

"Peyton", Mia cried as she walked forward and embraced her friend. Pulling back Peyton smiled and looked at her questioningly,

"You're meant to be on tour".

Laughing Mia shrugged sheepishly,

"I am... I just had to make a one day pit stop".

"Why".

"Well it just so happens that the woman who got me where I am happens to be celebrating her birthday today... I couldn't miss it".

Hugging her again, Peyton laughed at her protégée.

"I'm so glad you're here... but you didn't have to take the day off for me. Anyway how come I didn't know"?

Pulling back, Mia nodded in Haley's direction,

"Okay one - I wanted to be here... two - Haley sorted it out behind your back."

Sighing jokingly, Peyton raised an eyebrow at Haley,

"Wow I don't know what goes on in my own business".

Feeling a tug on her hand she looked down as Jamie tried to gain her attention

"Aunt P... the food is ready".

"Okay sorry... come on then".

Walking forward she joined the group hugging her four friends who stood to wish her 'happy birthday'. Lastly, she moved to stand in front of Derek.

"Hey", she said gripping onto him tightly.

"Happy Birthday Peyton". Moving his head closer to her ear he continued quietly so only she heard. "You okay".

Nodding she tightened her arms feeling the comfort of her brother's embrace.

"Yeah... thank you for yesterday".

"Did you burn the books?"

"How did you know?" she asked stepping back slightly. She knew that he had given her the idea but how could he possibly know she would use the idea.

"I came to your apartment last year remember... you had a few then. Plus if you really are my sister the whole burning thing would be seen as symbollic".

"True... yeah I burnt all of them... had myself a nice bon fire on the beach", Peyton said smiling.

Turning she walked to the table where Jamie was patting the seat next to him. Obviously, the youngest Scott had chosen her place already. Sitting down she watched amused as Brooke glared at her brother.

Storming up to him Brooke slapped Derek lightly on the arm.

"So I hear you're the one who decided a bon fire would be the way to go".

Laughing he rubbed his arm where she had hit him.

"You know... maybe you should join the marines."

Holding his hands up jokingly as she raised her arm to slap him again Derek nodded in Peyton's direction.

"It worked didn't it?"

Gazing over at her friend Brooke could not help but smile lightly.

"Yeah... it did", turning back to glare at Derek she continued, "But next time you can help... me and Nate had to cart over seventy books around".

Shrugging his shoulders, he chuckled at her look. Turning he walked to the table where his sister was waiting. About half way, he turned, looked over his shoulder at Brooke and winked.

"You're doing a good job Brooke Davies... but I bet my idea was just as fun as any of yours. Everyone loves a fire."

Letting her mouth hang open Brooke closed her eyes and pushed her fingers through her hair.

"Why did I invite him again", she muttered as she walked to the table and sat down on the other side of Peyton.

**xxxxxx**

After the largest breakfast, Peyton could ever recall having they all stayed seated as the conversation continued to flow. Everyone was telling stories of high school leaving out the ones that were very Lucas centred. Smiling at their efforts Peyton let her friends continue what they were doing. If they really wanted to go out of their way to do this then who was she to stop them. As the conversation began to slow down Brooke stood up.

"Okay who wants to go the River Court?"

A collected chorus of agreements sounded out and everybody slowly stood to begin tidying away. As the time moved on the place was cleared and they all walked over to the site that held most of their memories. Mia had left to go the studio for a couple of hours, but after much insistence had promised to return later.

Stepping onto the Court, Peyton laughed as Jamie ran forward clutching a ball between his hands.

"Come on... Aunt P you're on my team".

Shrugging at the looks, she was receiving Peyton walked over to stand near Jamie. Nathan stood off to the side and laughed at his son.

"Okay then... Skills you're with me".

"Aunt P... who do you think?"

Lifting her hand to her chin, she pretended to think about her answer.

"How about Derek?"

Nodding he pointed to the marine.

"Uncle Derek."

Smiling Derek looked slightly touched at the name that Jamie had said. He had never thought he would hear himself be called 'Uncle' by the young boy. Moving forward he pulled Peyton into a one armed hug and leant down to speak to her quietly.

"Uncle huh".

Shrugging she smiled at her brother.

"He asked me yesterday whether he could call you that... I said it was okay... you don't mind do you".

Smirking he shook his head.

"Of course not".

Stepping forward Nathan pointed to his wife.

"Hales".

"Aunt Brooke", Jamie said excitedly. He really did think she was cool.

Smiling Brooke walked towards the small group.

"Are you sure you don't just want me to be a cheerleader."

Shaking her head Peyton grabbed hold of Brooke's arm.

"No way . This was your idea... now suffer in silence".

"Okay... Millie". Nathan said.

"Hey", Mouth exclaimed looking at him.

Shrugging his shoulders Nathan smirked at his friend.

"What, I saw you on the beach the other day with the ball... plus I have seen you attempt basketball before... you suck man".

"Thanks... I'm so glad I came today". Mouth said glaring jokingly and crossing his arms.

Peyton smiled as Jamie ran forward and patted Mouths arm.

"It's okay Uncle Mouth... you can be on our team".

"Thanks Jamie".

"Well you're the only person left", Jamie said giggling as Mouth raised an eyebrow.

"Like father like son", he muttered not amused by the situation.

Stepping forward Derek clapped his hands together.

"Okay let's play then".

At this, the game began. After a few minutes, the play stopped suddenly. Derek had just managed to score a basket by running past Nathan and Skills. Both of the men in question stood with their mouths open as his team players congratulated Derek. Shaking his head Nathan raised an eyebrow at Peyton's brother.

"Where the... how did you manage that?"

Shrugging Derek put Jamie down who had jumped up at him once he had scored. Shrugging his shoulders, he smirked at the man in front of him.

"I'm a marine... we have to do something when we have free time".

Laughing at the answer he received, Nathan walked up to Derek and patted his shoulder.

"Maybe you should think about a career change".

Meanwhile Peyton stood beside her brother amused at the situation. She could not believe how good her day had been. This was definitely going to have to go down in the history books. Laughing at the look on little Jamie's face as he tried to keep up with the situation she reached out a hand and stroked his hair. Feeling the movement on his head Jamie glanced at her and moved closer to her to take her hand. Tugging her to the side, he picked up the basketball and moved a few steps away. Bouncing it to her, he waited,

"Come on Aunt P... we can play while we wait".

Smiling she started to bounce the ball while trying to manoeuvre around him. As she went to the left, he managed to stick his hand out and take the ball from her. Running away, he giggled as she took chase. As she gained on him, she reached out and pulled him into her arms so he could not shoot.

"You're cheating", he said giggling as she held onto him tightly.

"Maybe".

Hearing a chorus of 'aww's' Peyton stopped the struggle and looked up. Somehow, the conversation between her friends had stopped and all of their attention had been diverted to the two playing. Blushing Peyton slowly stood and let Jamie shoot. As the ball went in, she cheered as he held out his hand for a 'high-five'. Gently slapping his hand, she turned to her friends and raised an eyebrow.

"You lot done yet... or are you afraid we'll win".

With that the game continued.

**xxxxxx**

Lifting the suitcase from the bed Lucas glanced once more around the room. He had liked this place... it was just a shame he felt homesick. As he walked to the door, he placed the luggage down and moved back to the balcony. Due to the lack of sleep he had gained, this balcony had been like a second home to him. Looking out at the view, he watched the bustling people move around. From here, he could see into everyone's lives as they walked past. It had always fascinated him how much detail a person gave away in the space of a few minutes. Seemingly zoning in on the people below he failed to notice the person come up behind him. As she wrapped her arms around him, her hands landed on his chest. Closing his eyes he tried to ignore the sense of deja vu he was feeling. He had dreamed this scenario the other night. Only this time it was real but with the other woman. Turning slowly he opened his eyes and looked at his wife.

"Hey",

Standing on her toes, she leaned forward and kissed him. As she pulled away, she smiled at the dazed look on his face.

"No more painkillers for you... you're getting that zoned out look."

"Mm... but they make me less sore".

"Yeah but I want you lucid for the flight home".

Laughing he placed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.

"Are you okay with us going home early"?

Nodding softly she lifted her hand to place it on his cheek.

"Of course I am... if you hurt and want to go home... then we will".

Pulling back, he smiled stiffly. His chest ached with the hurt he was causing. Here he was on his honeymoon with his amazing new wife, and he was leaving early because he missed he old girlfriend. Nodding he cringed internally at the look of absolute trust she showed him.

"Thank you".

"I love you Lucas", she sighed as stared into his eyes.

Smiling he tried not to flinch as he answered her,

"I love you too".

He did love her. He would never lie about that. What hurt was the fact that he was conflicted. Shaking his head, he nodded towards the room.

"Are you ready?"

As she smiled and turned to leave, he pulled her back by her hand and kissed her. Letting his lips caress hers, he tried to push all thoughts away of Peyton. It was useless. She seemed to have taken over his mind and gave no hint that she was leaving. Sighing slightly as the kiss became more intense he gently manoeuvred Lindsey backwards towards the room.

As they collapsed onto the bed, he tried desperately to lose himself in her. They should be going home... really that should be where Lindsey was. However, for some reason for him home was where his family were... where Peyton was. Internally he berated himself for even thinking these things when he was with Lindsey.

That was the problem though. She was his wife... he was her husband. This was what newlyweds did... they did things at inappropriate moments. Nevertheless, a question was bothering him. It came to the front of his mind and refused to leave him.

_Why was his heart just not in it?_

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Okay... so technically this was not a party but I thought I would do a few chapters about Peyton's birthday. So really this is, part one. The party was at the end of this but I cut it down other wise the chapter was going to go on. Hope you all don't mind.**


	11. The end where I begin

**A/N: Hey... so here is part 2 technically. I hope you like it. Thank you for the reviews I received. I do love them.**

**PS. Patto85... I answered your question about Luke remembering Peyton's birthday in this. **

**Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes  
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away  
Tried to break my heart  
Well it's broke  
Tried to hang me high  
Well I'm choked  
Wanted rain on me  
Well I'm soaked  
Soaked to the skin _

It's the end where I begin  
It's the end where I begin

Now I'm alive  
and my ghosts are gone  
I've shed all the pain  
I've been holding on  
The cure for a heart  
Is to move along, is to move along  
So move along

_(The Script - The end where I begin)_

The sun had held off the clouds for most of the day. Unfortunately, by the time the party at Tric came around the sky had succumbed to the rain clouds. It was not a particularly heavy downpour but enough that Brooke looked worriedly out of The Comet's window. She had, as promised made Peyton look amazing. The problem now was that the weather seemed to be about to undo all of her effort. Hearing a small chuckle Brooke turned towards the driver and glared.

"... if you want any presents you will stop laughing".

"Sorry... it's just your face".

Another laugh escaped Peyton as Brooke turned worryingly back to the window. The amount of pain shown on her friends face a person would think there was a monsoon outdoors. Remembering a few days ago when it had last rained Peyton smiled softly. That was the night she had begun the process of being happy. Finally. Today was her birthday and so far, it had been amazing. After the game where Jamie's team had won... just. The group had all sat on the concrete and just talked. In Peyton's opinion that entire moment had been perfect. Her friends were her family and being able to spend the entire day with them was great.

Turning the stereo on to fill the silence in the car, Peyton looked over at Brooke,

"So what's at Tric exactly"?

"Mm"

"Brooke", Peyton said raising her voice slightly.

Jumping at the sound of her friend's voice, Brooke turned quickly lifting a hand to press over her heart.

"Good God... are you trying to kill me?"

Shrugging Peyton smiled sarcastically in her friend's direction as she turned her attention back to the road.

"If you die do I not get any presents".

"Funny ... what did you want?"

"I said... never mind we're here now I'll find out soon enough".

Pulling the car to a stop Peyton noticed they were the only ones there. The entire club was dark and this entire situation made her curious. Parking as close to the club as possible Peyton reached onto the backseat for an umbrella.

"Okay ready", she said putting her hand onto the handle. Seeing her friend nod, she slowly opened the door letting the damp air fill the car. "I'll come round and get you... don't want any water to touch your skin... you might melt".

Removing herself quickly she managed to avoid Brooke's hand that had made a gentle swipe in her direction. Laughing she took her bag off the seat and closed the door before walking around to the passenger side to help her friend.

After they were both safely under the protection of the black umbrella, they made a quick walk to the entrance of the club.

"Have you got a flashlight?" Peyton asked once Brooke managed to open the door. As she turned to wait for an answer, she was met with a sudden beam of light coming from Brooke's hand.

"Oh... okay I did not expect that".

Shrugging Brooke smiled. It felt good to finally put an end to one of Peyton's sarcastic comments. She always loved to ruin Peyton's negativity.

"Yeah I do so you can stop with the sarcasm... now come on".

Making quick progress of the staircase, they reached the top and walked slowly to the centre of the room. Suddenly the flashlight went out and Peyton jumped as the room's ceiling lights flickered to life.

"Surprise" a large group of people, shouted all smiling and cheering the birthday girl.

Blushing Peyton looked to the side at her friend.

"I take it this was you".

Grabbing her hand, Brooke nodded and led her over to the others. Everyone from earlier was there including Mia and Owen.

Peyton for her part was definitely surprised. She knew there were plans at Tric tonight but she never expected this. Gazing around the room she noticed the large sign wishing her happy birthday that dangled from the ceiling. Balloons were scattered everywhere and the table was once again littered with food. Off to the side lay another table with a few presents on. Laughing at the sight of the party hat on Nathan's head Peyton walked up and hugged him.

"Love the hat Nate".

Grinning Nathan pulled one from behind his back and quickly placed it on her head. Drawing the string underneath his chin, he avoided her arm as it went to swipe him.

"Thanks... looks good on you as well Sawyer".

Glaring Peyton went to remove the object adorning her head when her hands were brought away suddenly.

"No way ... leave the hat alone", Brooke said sternly.

Looking around her friends for some help they all shrugged and she gave in. Everyone was wearing one and it seemed that she was not going to be allowed to be different. Deep down though she had to admit... it was rather fun.

**xxxxxx**

A buffet style dinner had been set up as the group sat down. Haley then pulled a suspicious looking item from her bag. Eyeing her friend's devious appearance Peyton leaned back slightly in her chair.

"Haley James Scott... that had better not be what I think it is".

Shaking her head Haley could not keep the smirk off her face. Sighing she revealed the digital camera.

"Okay fine... it is, but... hear me out. We need to take pictures of tonight. It will be fun. Plus remember the picture I took from the other night."

Thinking back to the photo Peyton could not help but agree with her friend as much as it annoyed her. Sighing she nodded and felt Brookes arm tug her closer.

"Tutor Mum... go"

Suddenly the flash of the camera had everyone begin taking poses. Various group shots were taken and Peyton once again had to admit that it was amusing. Cursing her friends for being too insightful at times Peyton then laughed as Jamie jumped on her lap so Haley could take a photo.

"Mama... take one of me and Aunt P".

Smiling she grabbed the young boy around his waist and hugged him eliciting a giggle from Jamie. Once taken Haley looked at the photo. She was so proud of her son and the way he had managed to help Peyton more then anyone. The look of pure admiration on both of their faces had Haley smiling and showing the picture to her husband.

"Have you shown her"?

Shaking her head Haley answered him,

"No... I'm going to print them off and give them to her tomorrow... it's our second present for her"

Leaning into him, she felt Nathan kiss her forehead.

"You're amazing you know that".

"Of course I do".

Suddenly a tapping sound drew everyone's attention to Mia who stood from her seat. Nervously she smiled and looked in Peyton's direction.

"Peyton... I have a present for you".

Sitting up excitedly Peyton waited patiently for Mia's surprise. It never ceased to amaze anyone how much Peyton truly loved receiving gifts.

"Okay... so while I was on the road I kind of wrote a song... and I thought I'd let you have a preview".

"Now?" Peyton asked hoping the answer would be the one she was looking for.

"Yeah..."

Turning from the table, Mia walked over to the stage where earlier Nathan and Skills had helped her set up. Placing her guitar over her shoulder, she stepped up to microphone and smiled at her friend. Sitting forward onto the edge of her seat Peyton leaned against the table.

Mia strummed the first chords on her guitar and the sounds of the notes filled the club. Breathing in deeply she opened her mouth and allowed the words that she had written pass her lips. Closing her eyes Peyton let the lyrics and music wash over her. So far, the song seemed to be better then anything else she had heard from the woman on stage. As the song continued, she slowly and gently tapped her finger on the tabletop, imagining the added sounds from other instruments. After a few minutes, the song wound down and the final note was played.

Standing from the table quickly Peyton walked over to Mia as she stepped off the stage.

"That was amazing... we have to record that", she said embracing the singer. Her opinion seemed to be agreed with as the others made their way over and congratulated Mia on the new song. Standing to the side Peyton smiled joyfully. So far, that present had been amazing. She just wondered what else her friends had up their sleeves.

**xxxxxx**

Peyton waited for Owen to finish making her drink. He may have been there as Brooke's date but he had offered to also staff the bar. Looking up from her staring match with the drinks mat in front of her she smiled as Owen placed her drink down.

"Having a nice time?" He questioned noticing her distant gaze.

Picking up the drink, she took a small sip and nodded.

"Yeah I am actually".

Knowing he was likely to overstep the boundary, he shuffled on his feet slightly and leaned over the bar towards her. Crossing his arms in front of him, he gave an encouraging smile.

"Are you okay?"

Tilting her head slightly she regarded him. As she went to speak her normal response, she felt a sudden need to be truthful.

"I'm alright... I just never realised how good my friends are. They've all spent the past week focusing on me... I don't know, I just feel kind of... selfish".

Shaking his head, he lowered his gaze to catch her eyes. Gaining her attention, he smiled again.

"You're friends love you... and to be honest with you... you've looked better in the last week then you have since you arrived from LA." Shrugging his shoulder he straightened and nodded to the group at the back, "... and if that takes the constant attention from your friends... then that's what it takes".

Smiling at his words Peyton nodded slowly. Grabbing her drink, she stood from her stool.

"Thanks... that actually helped".

"I'm a bartender... it makes me very insightful".

Laughing she turned to walk away but stopped at the last moment. Grabbing his attention from where he was putting some bottles back on the shelf, she spoke,

"Oh and Owen."

"Yeah".

"I like you... but Brooke is my best friend. If you hurt her... I'll take a shovel to that pretty face of yours".

Chuckling he nodded and watched as the blonde-haired woman turned to walk over to her friends. It was amazing to him just how alike the two friends were. Without realising it, they both protected each other fiercely. Shaking his head, he resumed his position of staring at his new girlfriend.

**xxxxxx**

During various points in the night, everyone had begun to accidentally lose their hats. Peyton for her part had deliberately thrown it into her office and locked the door behind her. So far, she had received most of her gifts. After Mia's song, Skills, Mouth and Mille had given Peyton a brand new I Pod and a gift card for her favourite music store. Next had been the Scott's who had given her a picture drawn by Jamie of the two together, and a spare key. According to Haley, it was so she would always have somewhere else to stay if she ever needed it. That was when the first sign of tears had shown as she had hugged the family tightly.

Now it was Derek's turn. Smiling he handed her a crisp white envelope.

"What is it?" she asked slightly confused. Taking the offered present, she turned it over in her hand.

"Open it", he answered, shrugging his shoulders as if that offered an explanation.

Pulling the tab back, Peyton slid out the contents. A plane ticket and an invitation were held in her hand as she read the contents. He had given her an invitation to his medal ceremony in a few months. Looking at the ticket, she noticed its destination - Derek's hometown. Shaking her head, she looked at him,

"I don't understand".

Smiling Derek reached forward and grabbed her free hand.

"I have a medal ceremony coming up and I want you to be there."

Nodding she smiled, "Okay... but it's the plane ticket that has me baffled".

Chuckling Derek took the plane ticket and held it up.

"This is where my Mum lives. It's dated two days before the ceremony because she wants to meet you. Apparently I talk about you so much she wants to get to know my sister. So you will fly there, I'll pick you up at the airport, and you will stay with us until the ceremony. Then you will sit next to the rest of OUR family as I get my medal."

Gasping slightly Peyton's eyes welled up and the tears began to fall. Nodding she smiled and embraced her brother. He seemed to have found her the perfect gift. An actual family. Pulling back, she laughed at her friends faces. Most of them also had watery eyes as they watched the exchange. Taking his hand Peyton looked back at Derek,

"Thank you".

Squeezing her hand Derek nodded and smiled. He had been more then glad to pass on the message. According to his mother, she was getting annoyed with hearing all about the sister of his that she had yet to meet. That was when she had demanded to meet Peyton. Recalling the conversation, he remembered saying that he was nervous about letting his sister meet her. That was when his mother had laughed and told him that she already liked Peyton... she just wanted to put a face to the name.

Hearing a voice, they all looked at Brooke as she gained their attention. Lifting her arms up she waved at everyone to make sure all eyes were on her.

"Okay... it's my turn now."

Crossing her arms Peyton looked on patiently. For some reason out of everyone, Brooke was the one who worried Peyton the most. She had no clue what her friend had planned.

Walking over to Peyton, Brooke picked up her friends hand and began.

"Okay... so I talked to Karen and she said it was a great idea... so really this is sort of from both of us".

"You sound like your proposing", Peyton said jokingly.

Slapping her friends arm lightly Brooke continued unfazed by the interruption,

"So... my present to you is... your very own music studio right next to your office... I have the paperwork signed and building begins in two days".

Peyton's eyes widened and the look of shock on her face was evident. Raising her free hand to her mouth she gasped as her friend's words sank in. As the tears began to fall again, she grabbed hold of Brooke and brought her into a crushing hug.

"Oh my god... I love you ... I don't know what to say".

Holding onto her friend Brooke smiled as her plan worked. All week she had been planning this moment to perfection. She had managed to get everything sorted out and she could not be more pleased with how it had turned out. Pulling back, she placed her hand on Peyton's shoulder.

"I love you too ... and you don't have to thank me... I have my best friend back".

Nodding Peyton looked at the entire group,

"Thank you... all of you. I don't think I would have made it this far if it had not been for you lot. So... thanks."

As they all moved forward to crowd around their friend, Brooke broke the silence,

"I think it's time this party had some music and dancing."

Pulling Peyton onto the dance floor Brooke nodded at Mouth and music begin to play from the various speakers. As everyone joined them, Peyton looked around. She had never been happier. Her presents were amazing and so was her family.

**xxxxxx**

After another hour had passed Derek tracked down Peyton to talk. He knew this would be hard but he would see her again soon. Touching her arm, he drew her attention away from her friends.

"Hey... I have to go".

Nodding she smiled sadly. As much as she wished he could stay, she knew he needed to leave. Moreover, now she had plans to see him in a few months. Stepping forward she hugged him tightly.

"Okay... call me."

"Of course I will... and you can call me anytime, you know that right."

Nodding into his shoulder, she answered him,

"Yes I know... I have a very protective brother only a phone call away."

Hearing a small sob escape his sister Derek pulled back and held her gaze.

"You will be fine Peyton Sawyer... I believe that. Plus I will see you soon... okay".

"Okay", she said quietly. Wiping her eyes she continued, "Thank you for everything... and tell your mum I look forward to meeting her".

"She will love you... I know she will."

Bringing her forward for another quicker hug he released her and stepped back,

"Have you had fun today"?

"Yeah I have... come on I'll walk you out".

Shaking his head, he smiled at her and held a hand up.

"No it's pouring outside, plus you stay here and enjoy yourself. Remember Peyton - no crying".

Laughing she nodded and wiped the rest of the tears from her face.

"I promise... no fear... no crying".

"Good... talk to you soon".

With that, he turned to leave. He had already said goodbye to the others. As he made his way to the stairs, he heard Peyton call his name. Turning he looked at her expectantly.

"Yeah".

"Can I call you tomorrow?" she asked slightly nervous.

Nodding he smiled.

"I said you could call anytime... I meant it".

Seeing that his answer seemed to appease her, he waved and walked down the steps. As he reached the door, he noticed a figure hovering outside. Rolling his eyes when he recognised the person he swung the door open and pushed him back.

"No way Scott... it's her birthday party in there... leave her alone".

Holding his hands up Lucas stepped back. How could he have forgotten that? He knew there was a reason he felt the need to come home. It was not only that he missed her it was the fact that he needed to be there on her birthday. All of their friends were in there apart from him... and that hurt. He had never even been invited... he just hoped it was because they knew he was away. For some reason though deep down he knew that he was not likely to have been invited anyway. Now he had to go in there... he had to wish her 'happy birthday'.

"I was only going..."

Seeing Derek step towards him, he trailed off.

"Did I not make myself clear Scott... not a chance?"

"Why not".

Laughing Derek crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"Seriously... fine you want to know why. A few years ago, I asked you for one thing. That you protect her. You failed Scott. In my opinion you're not worthy to breathe the same air as her. Now I am warning you. Tomorrow she is calling me... if I hear that you showed your face at that party... I will end you".

"Are you threatening me?" Lucas asked becoming angry with the man before him.

"Yeah I am... now get out of my face I'm not going to hit you... yet. To be honest you're not worth it. She has done fine this week and for once, she's happy. Just leave her alone... please".

He added the 'please' in hopes that it would reach the younger man. He knew that Lucas still cared for his sister... it was obvious. Hopefully, he would listen.

Dejectedly Lucas let his shoulders drop. As much as he hated to admit Derek was right.

"Okay".

Turning, Lucas went to walk away but was halted by Derek's voice.

"You know Scott... you're an idiot. She loved you... still does. But you ruined that. You let her go and now... now she is moving on. I can see it written all over your face. It's killing you... but you married another woman. You made your bed now be man enough to lie in it".

With his parting words Derek walked off into the night sure that, the other man would do as he asked. Lucas may be stupid but he cared about Peyton enough to let her go. He had to... if not Derek would live up to his threat.

**xxxxxx**

After Derek had forced him to leave Lucas walked backwards keeping his eyes locked on the window above. Stepping further back he stopped slowly as he finally saw the sight he was looking for.

Petyon.

She was laughing. There stood surrounded by the people that loved both of them, he watched her hug Haley. Now he was not entirely sure whether his friends and family would be supportive of him. It was official he had screwed up. Sighing he blinked quickly as rain drops began to fall heavily onto his head and ran down his cheeks. Breathing in deeply he wiped a hand over his face and pulled away shocked. There were tears mixed in with the rain droplets. How could he not even realize he was crying?

Laughing hollowly he looked up into the sky and closed his eyes letting the water wash over him. Slowly he opened his eyes and glanced back to the window. He could not believe how much she had changed in only a few days. He remembered in High School when the class were asked how many changes could happen in one hour. The answer had been a few... he was witness to that. Somehow, Peyton had managed to use an entire week for her own benefit. He could not look away... he was drawn to her.

Watching as she picked Jamie up he winced as his nephew hugged her. It seemed he had also lost his idol status. That was when noticed it though. She seemed to have gained her glow back. He had not seen her that happy and carefree looking since Graduation. His heart stirred painfully at the memories and he felt the tears fall from his eyes harder.

This was the moment he had been trying so hard to stop approaching. The final moment when he realised...

It was over.

He had lost her. Not that she had been his for a while. That was the problem though... she had come back for him... she had not given them up... he had. He had pretended to move on. Hell he had rubbed the fact in her face and flaunted his wedding in front of her for weeks. Truth was when they had kissed in her office... he had felt something. It had frightened him though. So he ran. Unfortunately, now it was too late and there was no going back.

Seeing her put Jamie down he cringed as she joked with Nathan and laughed at something he said. That used to be him not so long ago. He was the one she turned to... he was the one who helped her. Now she avoided him at all cost.

It seemed that she had not been lying when she had said she was moving on. She really had not missed him. After he had put the phone down, the other night a small part of him thought she may have been lying... but it was true.

When he had said he missed her... he had not been lying. However, nothing he did now would fix this ache in him. The love he felt for Lindsey was not filling this void in his chest. He could feel the pain radiating through him and at that moment he felt the need to run into the club... take her in his arms and never let go. Shaking his head he scolded himself for his thoughts. He was not hers... she was not his... not anymore. He was the one to blame. Peyton had begged him not to marry Lindsey... but he had tried to move on.

Some part of him new why he did it. Revenge. He wanted to hurt her as she had hurt him in LA. Look where that had him now. He was married... watching his old girlfriend from afar like a stalker... possibly about to get pneumonia from the rain.

Leaning back once more, he closed his eyes and just let himself be. He needed to free himself of his thoughts. This was the end. From here on, he would live the life he had chosen and be the best husband possible. Even if it was not with the one, he wanted.

Opening his eyes, he stuffed his hands quickly into his pockets. As he went to walk away, he took one last gaze at the window and halted suddenly. She was looking right at him. Somehow she had known he was there... he was sure of it. Tilting his head, he felt the dried tear tracks on his cheeks with one of his hands. Dropping the hand back into his pocket, he just watched her. Not attempting to leave he watched as she put a hand to the glass. Almost like he was drawn to her, he felt his feet fighting the urge to walk forward.

As he made the decision to go into the club, he froze. Her other hand reached out and suddenly the blinds closed blocking out the party. With that small action from her, he felt his heart break. He could feel his future closing in on him and for once, he allowed himself to panic. Lowering his head, he desperately willed away the need to run.

He needed to go back to Lindsey... she loved him and missed him. She would never shut him out.

**xxxxxx**

Standing by the window Peyton glanced back at her friends who had wandered over to the bar. She had told them she would join them in a minute. There was something she needed to do. It may have been raining but due to the dim lighting in this corner of the club, she could clearly see outside. At one point when she was laughing with Nathan, she had seen him.

The first thing she thought was to panic. Then she realised... only one person had the ability to watch her from afar and still make her feel safe. Walking forward she stared down at him. He seemed to be letting the rain soak him. Laughing hollowly she noted once again their similarities. He had always been the only one who understood the rain's cleansing powers.

Then she froze as he turned to walk away. It was the fact that he glanced back and saw her watching him. Her heart sped up and seemed to beat so loudly in her chest. He was still breathtaking to her... and she had a feeling he always would be. The rain seemed to give him a sense of innocence and for a fleeting moment, she wanted to run outside and jump into his arms. Those arms that held so many memories and had comforted her so much over the years. Swallowing the lump that formed in her throat, she felt the tears begin to build behind her eyes. Then she remembered Derek's words from earlier.

"_Don't let him see you cry"_.

Gaining some courage from her brother's insightfulness, she smiled slowly. As she saw his feet shuffle forward slightly she pressed her hand to the glass. He would probably see this as some kind of declaration of love... but to her it was a goodbye. Breathing deeply she brought her other hand up and gripped hold of the blinds whilst stepping back slightly. Storing this picture to memory, she closed her eyes and pulled on the cord shutting out the outside world... and more importantly her past. It was over... today was the end and now she had finally managed to let him go.

Hearing someone come up from behind she turned slightly to see Brooke stop beside her. Letting go of the cord she grasped Brooke's hand for comfort. Noticing the questioning look on her friends face, she smiled slowly.

"You okay ... is there something out there", Brooke asked concerned.

Shaking her head, she felt the acceptance building in the pit of her stomach. Turning she went to walk to the others pulling Brooke with her.

"There's nothing outside... nothing that matters... not anymore."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: So I know that Brooke never gave Peyton her studio but I thought it would be a good present for her to receive. Hope you all agree. **

**As I'm feeling generous today I thought I would let you all in on a small secret. (**_**Whisper**_**) **the next chapter has a Leyton scene... or confrontation. Depends how you read it.


	12. In my head

**A/N: So I know I normally update quicker then this but... I was a bit stumped. This chapter has been deleted and re-written more times then I can count. I hope it's okay and as promised there is a small Leyton scene (for real this time... no dream). Thank you very much for your reviews, they help me write quicker. Plus I do love them. **

**This chapter does a bit of flitting around... but I've tried to make it as un-confusing as possible. Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Every time I close my eyes  
all that I can see is you  
and I can't get you off my mind  
I guess I'm always stuck with you  
and every time I close my eyes  
all that I can see is you  
it won't leave me_

_As the rain pours down I wonder  
If I'll ever be the same  
Will I ever find some peace of mind  
or slowly go insane_

_(Prime sth - in my head)_

The River court - a place that held so many memories... good... bad... ugly. You name it, that place had pretty much seen it all. The battered court seemed to be monumental with the Tree Hill community. This place had seen the changing lives of the entire group. If it could speak, it would surely have tales to tell. For one it was where hearts broke and Lucas Scott did his best healing.

The sounds of a ball repeatedly hitting the ground were the only noises to be heard. Lucas had been there for over an hour and had now begun to finally tire. Looking at his destination, he pushed the ball into the ground continuously as he ran forward and jumped at the hoop.

Using both hands, he pushed the ball downwards through the net, grabbing onto the rim and swinging forward for added effect. It was every Basketball players silent testament of their achievement. Letting go of the basket he landed softly onto his feet and stared at the ground.

Squinting slightly as if that helped him see the image clearer he walked closer. It was still there as plain as day. Standing over the writing, he sat down with a thud onto the concrete and ran his hands over the faded ink.

It may have weathered over the years but the names of his closest friends were still visible.

Running his fingers gently over the one person that stood out more then the others, he let his head drop forward. Peyton. Closing his eyes, he felt the familiar dull ache grow inside him. If he felt this only a few hours after she had shut him, it surely could not get better.

Shaking his head to rid himself of his thoughts he looked up and stared out at the water. Today was definitely going to be long day.

**xx**

_After last night's event, Lucas had walked slowly home. His hands had been pushed deep inside his jacket and the weariness he had felt almost became too much. At one point, he had, had to stop walking to gaze up into the clouds and just breathe. He was sure that his breathing was becoming slightly more erratic with every step he took. It was amazing what being shut out by the one person you needed in your life could do to someone. He had then berated himself for that thought... he did not need her._

_As he had neared the house, his thoughts kept replaying the scene at the window. She had closed the blinds. Now she was the one inflicting the pain. That was what was worse... it was the fact that she had managed to let him go while he was destined to be plagued with dreams every night. As he had reached the door handle to his house, he swore that for a second, he had seen Peyton on the porch. It was almost as if she had appeared to him. That was when he realised... it was never going to end. No matter what facade he managed to instill in himself... he would never be free of her. She was in his head... everyone knew that once a person made it there... they would never leave._

_Lindsey had tried desperately to wait up for him but had fallen asleep on the couch. Smiling as he had entered the door at the sight that greeted him, he realised that he did still have someone. He had his wife. Walking past the couch, he had gone to swiftly change out of the soaked clothes that clung to his body. To most people it would have seemed like he wanted fresh, dry clothes on... to him it was simply because he did not want to be reminded of the last hour. If he could not recall it then it did not happen._

_As he had made his way back to couch, he heard her whisper his name. Trying not to cringe he bent down next to her. It appeared that Lindsey dreamt of him... shame really that he dreamt of another woman. Slowly so he did not wake her he had lifted her up and cradled her in his arms. However, he could not help the silent comparison beginning in his head. _

_Lindsey was slightly shorter... not as thin... holding her felt wrong in a way...but Peyton seemed to just... fit. _

_As he had laid her onto the bed, his wife had instantly wrapped his arms around her causing him to fall partially on top of her. Not bothering to struggle due to exhaustion, he had closed his eyes and for the first time in a week managed to sleep undisturbed. _

_Maybe she was not on his mind as much as he first thought._

**xx**

Disturbed from his memory by a bird flying from the trees he sighed. Turning slightly he slowly went backwards until he connected to the concrete. It was cold and hard... somehow though that seemed to not bother him in the slightest.

Instead, he felt loved and safe. He was sure that he could feel her name beneath him. The ink imprinting itself on his skin and his soul. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. He could feel the suns rays warming him and beating off the chill in the air.

For a moment the peace he felt amazed him and... In just one split second,... everything was fine.

Then he heard the noises... mainly voices. However, one voice had him sitting up abruptly.

To think just when he thought he was free... he was stupid to think it would be over like that.

**xxxxxx**

_The party had gone well. After she had effectively closed Lucas out, Peyton had led Brooke to the dance floor. Moving around she had somehow felt more relaxed then she had in months. Finally, after another hour everyone began to tire. It was then they had all decided to go home. There had been hugs and a few more tears shed but eventually Brooke and Peyton were in the car on their way to their beds. Exhaustedly both friends had welcomed the sleep that came._

**xx**

Opening the door to the bedroom Peyton walked outside and made her way slowly to the kitchen. Considering she had not had that, much sleep she felt remarkably good. Dressed in shorts and an old band shirt she ran a hand through her hair. Glancing around the room, she noticed Brooke already seated on the sofa with a mug held tightly between her hands.

"Please tell me there's coffee", she eagerly asked grabbing Brookes attention.

"Yeah... on the side".

Spinning around Peyton grinned at the sight of the liquid mug. She may have felt wide-awake but she still needed the daily caffeine to function properly. With her fix clutched tightly in her hand, she walked over to the couch and sat down next to Brooke. Taking a sip she gave a small moan of satisfaction and leaned her head back, closing her eyes.

"Does it have your approval?"

"Mm you spoil me". Turning her head slightly she looked at Brooke. "Thank you for yesterday... it was perfect".

"Anytime... I just hope it helped... you had me worried for a while".

Looking down Brooke placed her cup on the table in front with Peyton copying her actions. As she sat back, Peyton pulled Brooke into her arms and rubbed her shoulder apologetically.

"I'm sorry I got so caught up in me... I know I hurt everyone but I promise, I'm okay."

Nodding Brooke smiled but still the tears gathered in her eyes.

"I'm just worried... you know he's coming back today. I don't want to watch you break again. You've been so happy all week".

"Yeah but I'll be fine..."

Laughing slightly Brooke wiped her face with her hand, "Why is it I'm always the one that needs comforting when I should be helping you".

Resting her head on top of Brooke's, Peyton smiled at her friend's words, "Honey you don't need to worry about me. Plus comforting you always takes my mind of my problems."

"Okay... but if you do need me at all then I'm always here for you... your my ".

"... And you're my ... I don't know what I would have done without you these past few months".

"Years you mean... Honey you know you can't survive without me".

Pretending to think about Peyton had to agree, "True... I'll give you that".

As the minuets passed the two sat in a comfortable silence with Brookes head on, her friends shoulder. Suddenly a question came to Peyton, which had been annoying her for days.

"I've been meaning to ask you... the other day when you came running onto the River Court in a panic... when I was playing with Nate and Jamie".

"Yeah".

"What was all that about exactly... you looked like you'd seen a ghost"?

Laughing Brooke recalled her thoughts from the beginning of the week, "I'll tell you but no bodily harm... deal."

"Deal".

Nodding Brooke pulled back a little and looked at her friend, "Haley called and told me I needed to get to the Court as fast as possible because of you".

"Yeah".

Looking around the room Brooke tried to avoid Peyton's gaze. It was funny now but at the time, her heart had almost stopped beating due to the fear.

"Well for a second I thought you might have..." Trailing off she seemed unable to say the words. Instead, she settled for making a slashing motion across her neck.

Shaking her head slightly confused it suddenly dawned on her what Brooke meant. Trying not to laugh Peyton raised an eyebrow, "Oh my God... you expected to see me hanging from the hoop".

As she said it Peyton could not help the chuckle that escaped her. Reaching out she clasped hold of Brookes hand and continued, "I wasn't that bad was I..." Not getting a response except from the pointed look that adorned Brooke's face she sighed, "Okay maybe I was... but seriously."

Nodding Brooke let a laugh escape her, now it seemed ridiculous. "I'm sorry... I know you wouldn't do something like it... but I think my imagination is a little overactive."

Smiling Peyton pulled Brooke towards her and hugged her, "... Anyway, no matter how bad things were… I couldn't do that to you. Especially over a boy".

"Yeah but it was THE boy".

"It may have been... But Hoes over Bros right". Holding her fist out she did not have to wait long for Brooke to tap it with her own.

"Hoes over Bros", Brooke said in return.

Thinking about the recent admission from her friend, Peyton shook her head trying desperately not to laugh. With a small titter, she had to speak, "I'm sorry... but seriously... swinging from the hoop... was it all epic and..."

A slap on her thigh had her sentence trail off.

"It's not funny, I almost had a hit and run experience with a hedge", Brooke said not being able to keep the smile off her face.

"Is the vegetation okay... didn't need hospitalisation did it ", she said with another giggle escaping her.

Suddenly it became too much and both woman erupted into a fit of laughter. Collapsing back on the couch, they had tears falling softly down their cheeks.

That was the scene that the Scott's walked into a few minutes later. Looking at her husband Haley tilted her head,

"Well that answers our question".

"Mm... to think we were worried she might be a bit... delicate... because of today," he whispered leaning towards her.

"Aunt P... Aunt Brooke", Jamie said running to the sofa and jumping on top of the two women.

"Hey it's my main man", Peyton said wiping her face and hugging the boy quickly. Letting go Brooke took her turn to greet Jamie.

"Hey gorgeous".

Sitting up on the edge of the couch Jamie crawled onto Peyton's lap. As both friends tried to stop the urge to continue laughing, they refused to look at each other. They knew if they did, it would be the end of their composure.

Suddenly realising the Scott's were present Peyton tilted her head. "So what are you lot doing here so early?"

"We come baring gifts". Walking forward Haley stopped in front of Peyton and handed her the parcel. As Jamie slipped down to the side, everyone waited for the woman to open it.

"I thought I'd had all my presents last night".

Shaking his head Nathan sat in the chair opposite his friend and pulled Haley onto his lap. "We wanted to give you this today..."

"That is your second present... it's from everyone", Haley added.

Shrugging Peyton smiled at the couple, "Thanks Guys". Slowly she began to tear the paper to reveal the item beneath. With a questioning look on her face, she removed the book and turned it over in her hands. It was beautiful and breathtaking... a deep red colour it had black stars scattered forming a design. Slowly she opened the cover and noticed an inscription written on the inside.

_To Peyton... the most unselfish, caring person we know. All this week you have tried so hard to be happy. This book shows you that you can move on... all you have to do is let go of the past. If you ever need anything, you will always have us. _

_Love your family._

_Karen, Brooke, Haley, Nate, Jamie, Skills, Mouth, Millie, Derek._

Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked up at her friends.

"When did you do this?" she questioned intrigued.

Smiling Brooke reached for her hand and clasped it in her own, "All week... we were going to give it to you last night but... someone found some things to add to it".

"I wanted it to be perfect", Haley, said defending her actions.

Looking back down at the book Peyton turned the first page. It was the picture from the meal at the beginning of the week. Smiling she reached out and traced her hand over it. That was the first piece of proof she had received that suggested she would be okay.

Curiously, she began to turn the pages. There were so many... picture from the beach game... the River court... the barbecue on her birthday as well as the basketball game later in the day.

Finally reaching the last few pages, she noted they were all taken last night at her party. Each one showed her posing with different people. Most though were obviously taken unbeknownst to her.

It was the last picture though that had her gasping slightly. It was from the party. She was sat at the table with Jamie on her lap. The scene overall was cute but what was amazing was the look of utter contentment on her face. It was different from the one at the meal. Although that one showed, her smiling there was still a hint of pain in her eyes. The one with Jamie though... she looked so much better. She would never admit it to anyone but it looked like she glowed almost. This was what she needed... she could do this without him.

Tearing her eyes away, she let the tears fall and smiled at her friends.

"Thank you so much... I..."

Lost for words Peyton shook her head apologetically as Brooke pulled her towards her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder Brooke smiled at the couple opposite. This was their final plan of the week... it seemed to have worked. They had been getting the book signed by everyone since just after the wedding. Karen had been the first name on the cover. Everyone knew how much the older woman meant to Peyton. It seemed only fitting really.

"Can we go to the River court for a while?" Jamie asked trying to cheer his aunt up.

Nodding Peyton lifted her head from Brooke's shoulder. As she glanced over at Nathan, she smiled. "Sounds good... what do you think".

"I'm always game... you know that", he answered laughing and earning a small slap on his knee from Haley.

With that, the group decided... the River court would be the first event of the day.

**xx**

Some time later, the group, which now included Skills, pulled up in their cars and began the walk to the Court. Tilting her head Peyton looked at the figure lying down on the concrete.

"Who's that?", Brooke asked, as they got nearer.

"I don't know", Peyton, replied confused as to who it could possibly be.

After she spoke, the figure sat up abruptly and turned. That was when she halted. He was here... facing her. Only ten metres away stood the man that only last night she had shut out. Stopping in her tracks she watched as Jamie ran forward to hug him.

"Uncle Luke".

Forcing his gaze from the woman who haunted his dream, he looked down at his nephew and smiled. "J Luke... you been lonely without me".

Shaking his head Jamie got down and went back to Peyton.

"Not really I had Aunt P to play with".

Frowning Lucas looked up at his friends. None of them made a move to greet him and he just stood there awkwardly. Sighing Skills made his move and went forward, patting his shoulder, he smiled.

"Nice to have you back".

"Thanks Skills", he answered following his friend over to the group.

"Hey guys... ".

Smiling apologetically at Peyton, Haley went to hug Lucas and welcomed him back.

"I missed you Luke..." as she pulled away, she looked at her oldest friend, "Oh and can we talk sometime... I need to ask you something."

"Of course we can... I missed you too Hales."

"How was the honeymoon big brother", Nathan said crossing his arms. After watching Peyton break down all week, and her revelation the other night in the bathroom he could not help the hostility creeping in his voice.

"It was good..."

Stepping forward Brooke let go of Peyton's hand, which she had grabbed as soon as he had made his appearance.

"Brooke... you look good".

Hugging him briefly, she smiled and stepped back to clasp her best friends hand again. She only hugged him because she wanted Peyton to be able to see him everyday without being hurt. Somehow, that seemed to make sense to her.

"I know I do... Broody".

Looking at Peyton, he smiled, hoping she would at least say something... anything. Not getting a word from her, he sighed. She would not even meet his gaze. Instead, she seemed to be staring at his hand with a small frown on her face. Typical... the only one he wanted to conceal his injury from was the one who noticed.

Looking down at his bandage, he lifted his arm and smiled at the blonde-haired woman in front of him.

"I... erm... I broke knuckle the other night when I tripped".

Wincing slightly she was shocked as her feet seemed to have control over her brain and she suddenly stood next to him. Lifting his hand, she glanced into his eyes. She may be hurt because of him but she still cared.

"Are you okay?"

Nodding he smiled softly, "Yeah I'll be fine... just have to be bandaged up for a few weeks".

"You know how that feels don't you Sawyer", Nathan said interrupting the pair's moment.

Suddenly as if she had been burnt, Peyton let his hand go and stepped backwards to stand beside Brooke.

"What..." Lucas asked confused by his brother's statement.

Lifting her hand Peyton looked down as she spoke. "I broke my knuckle years ago... on the same hand as you actually".

"Oh... I didn't know that".

Looking at him Peyton smiled sadly and turned to walk back to the car. She really needed some get away from him.

Glaring at him Brooke blocked Lucas as he tried to follow the woman.

"Okay one... you don't know everything about her... two... don't bother trying to go after her."

"Brooke", he pleaded he needed to say something to Peyton.

"No way", Nathan added coming to stand beside Brooke.

"Why", Lucas asked confused by their sudden personality switch.

"... because the last time you spoke to her you made her cry... you won't hurt Luke". Brooke said indicating the departing woman with a nod of her head.

Sighing he looked at Peyton's back and called after her, "Peyton... I need to talk to you".

Halting her steps she turned and the look she gave him caused him to step back. Never before had she shown so much anger and pain in his direction.

"What could you possibly have to say to me", she asked turning fully and crossing her arms protectively.

Running a hand over the back of his neck, he looked down. He was aware their friends were watching. In fact, his brother looked ready to physically harm him.

"I know you saw me last night... just give me one minute".

Sighing she noticed Brooke glance at her slightly hurt. Later she would have to explain to her best friend what had happened. Nodding she watched her friends part and let him through. As he walked closer to her, he tried to smile but his heart was not in it. Stopping in front of her, he began,

"Peyton... about the phone call".

"It's okay Luke".

"No it's not... I'm sorry okay... I never meant to hurt you".

"You said that in the office last week... what more do you have".

"Why are you being like this Peyton", he asked picking up her hand.

Pulling back abruptly, she glared at him. "What did you expect Lucas... did you think I would stay here and cry myself to sleep everyday. Did you imagine poor, heartbroken Peyton not being able to function without you?"

"Peyt..."

No", she said loudly interrupting him, "You want to know what I did while you were gallivanting around with your wife. I had my friends... I actually had fun. For once in my life I lived. I told you I would let you go and I have. I'm done crying and hoping for something that you have made abundantly clear you don't want."

"Is that why you shut me out last night".

Running a hand through her hair she laughed hollowly. "You want to know why I closed the blinds on you?" Seeing him nod she breathed in deeply and continued. "... because for one small moment I wanted to run outside and greet you... but that's all it was - a moment of weakness. So I shut you out because I was angry at myself. I'm not mourning our relationship anymore Luke... because frankly - you're not worth it."

Sighing he felt his heart break as she spoke. The concealed hatred in her voice was abundantly clear. Leaning towards her he tried once more, "Peyton... I want us to be okay".

"Go home to your wife Luke... I'm not interested... not anymore."

Spinning she walked back over to her friends who were trying very hard to pretend they had not listened to every word said. With her head held high she smiled at the looks on the groups faces. They were happy for her... and they were not afraid to show that. Walking towards her, Brooke had a questioning look on her face,

"Was he there last night"?

"Yeah... he was outside... I closed the blinds on him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you".

Linking her arm through Peyton's, Brooke smiled. "Don't worry about it . You said last night that it was nothing… I believe you".

"Thanks".

"So are you okay... I saw him grab you hand".

Turning to look over her shoulder, she noticed that Lucas had not moved. He was staring at her and he actually looked hurt. Looking back at Brooke's raised eyebrow she nodded.

"It's always going to be there... but for the first time in ages... I think I can handle it".

Hearing the sound of a car drive off Peyton allowed herself a small smile. She had managed a conversation with him without breaking down. They may be baby steps she was taking but at least this time they were in the right direction.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

That night Lucas lay in bed next to Lindsey. He had yet to be able to drift off to sleep. His mind was to busy processing earlier events with Peyton. She had been so different. For the first time in ages he saw the Peyton from years ago come through. The one that had no time for someone like him. Once again, he was on the outside of her world. Slowly he closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

**xx**

_"I love you Luke... but it's not enough"._

_Desperately he tried to chase after Peyton as she turned and walked away. Suddenly hands gripped his arms and he was stopped from following her. All he could do was watch as she faded into the distance._

_"Peyton", he shouted, hoping that she would return._

_Not getting a response, he fell to the ground helplessly. She had gone. Angrily he stood and turned to the person who had halted his movements. Reeling back, he came face to face with... himself. As he stepped back, he angrily watched as the clone matched him keeping the closeness between them._

_"You can't run from me?"_

_"What are you?" Lucas asked confused._

_Laughing his double pushed him and grinned as he fell backwards onto the floor. Stepping forward he stood over him menacingly._

_"I'm Lucas Scott"_

_"You're me"._

_Nodding the clone smiled, "You could say that..."_

_"Why did you hold me back then... if you're me you would have let me follow her". He said standing up slowly._

_"You wouldn't have gotten very far"_

_"I don't understand", Lucas, said becoming aggravated with the replica in front of him._

_"I think you do... you want her but won't fight for her... you love her but think it should be easy... you're hurting her and you can't seem to stop"._

_Shaking his head Lucas held his hands up and stepped back. "You're wrong... I'm not in love with her... not anymore... and I've already said I'm sorry for hurting her"_

_Stepping to the side, the clone revealed Peyton standing there with tears rolling down her face. Once again, Lucas tried to walk to her but was stopped by his double._

_Leaning forward the clone brought his face close to Lucas ear. Smiling sickly it whispered to him._

_"No you're wrong... you only ever hurt the ones you love."_

**xx**

Opening his eyes suddenly he stared at the ceiling. The dream was wrong... Sure, he cared about Peyton... but he did not love her.

Sighing he rubbed a hand over his face... he had failed. He had left his honeymoon to come home early in the hopes that his dreams would stop. In desperation, he had waited until he was exhausted to go to bed but obviously, that had not worked. His dreams seemed to be becoming more vivid with every passing night and now...

Well... that was the problem.

What was he going to do now?

**xxxxxxxxxx You might want to read below - you'll like it... I promise xxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: So I forgot to say this but... YAY I have over 100 reviews. I'm really amazed so thank you so much. Please do continue with the suggestions and such.**

**PS. I was thinking of having someone hit Lucas in the next chapter... not Peyton though (***_whispers_**: that will be coming later)... SO - I'm holding a VOTE. The person with the most votes wins the right to punch the tortured writer. So choices are -**

**Nathan**

**Skills**

**Brooke**

**Haley**

**Personally, I was thinking Nathan but... anyone slapping him silly at the moment would make me happy. Enjoy.**


	13. I'm sorry

**A/N: Thank you so much for the amazing response I received. The vote was definitely close but... someone (I'm not telling you who) had one extra vote. Hopefully you will all like the way I have written the confrontation. Before you read, I will just say this**

**Everybody has a breaking point and eventually the most unexpected person can crack.**

**Enjoy!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_For every time I asked you for something  
You took something away from me  
And I owe you more than I can give  
But I won't forget_

_For every time I asked you for something  
You took everything away from me  
And I owe you more than I can give  
I hope I won't forget_

_I'm sorry  
For every thing I could've mended  
The book didn't work out the way _

_It should have ended_

_(Advent - I'm sorry)_

_**'You only ever hurt the one's you love'**_

Those words had been haunting Lucas all day long. It was as if it had somehow struck a chord within him. After the dream last night, sleep had eluded him and he had gone to his computer. As his fingers had smoothly run over the keys, the words had flowed from him and soon the screen was filled. Essentially, he had just written the final chapter to his second novel. For a few weeks, he had been unable to type the ending... but it seemed a sudden burst of inspiration hit him.

As he had printed the final draft off, he had hid it from his wife. He had decided to show it to her in a few days. Earlier she had left for New York due to meetings and was not expected back for two days. Somehow though that seemed to not fill him with as much loneliness as he had thought it would.

What hurt more was the conversation with Peyton yesterday. That definitely could have gone better. Staring at the ceiling, he had his hands clasped tightly behind his head. He was exhausted but afraid to sleep. Whenever he did, his dreams would always drift to the forbidden woman. She was not his... not anymore.

Turning his head, he glanced at the clock on the bedside table. He had been laying here for an hour and still could not think of anything to do with his time. Without a doubt, he was bored. Closing his eyes his mind took him back to the Court yesterday. It was surreal. His nephew had not missed him. His friends were all bordering on cold. Then there was her... she had been so hateful towards him. At first when she had taken hold of his hand, he had seen the Peyton he remembered. The one he had fallen in love with. She had been so concerned and caring. That's when he felt his heart tug. When she had realised her actions she had dropped his hand as if it disgusted her. Then she had told him how much she did not need him.

Ever since he had first seen her he had been overwhelmed with the need to save her. For years, she had allowed it... but now... now she wanted nothing from him. To her he was part of her past, and she had not missed him. He sighed as the ache in his chest began. He had missed her terribly he knew that. He just did not know what it meant.

Sighing again, he rubbed his face with his hand before replacing it behind his head.

Life should never be this difficult. Why was it every time he did something he thought was right he always did it wrong? Especially where she was concerned. It seemed that Peyton was both his strength and his weakness. Closing his eyes tiredly, he never noticed the door beside him open.

"Knock Knock", said a voice as they banged softly on the wooden panel on the door.

Opening his eyes Lucas turned to the intruder and smiled.

"Hey Hales... to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Watching her roll her eyes at his sarcasm she entered his room closing the door softly. Noticing her lack of response and the sad smile that adorned her face Lucas sat up.

"You okay... is this about the other night on the phone".

Sitting down on the edge of the bed Haley let her bag drop from her shoulder and land of the floor.

"You made her cry Luke... we all spent days trying to get her to smile... and you undo it with a phone call".

Sighing he moved along the bed and sat next to his friend. "I've already apologised to her for that... I never meant to hurt her again... I'm glad she's happy. Now what's really wrong because from the look on your face, there's more"?

Turning to face him, Haley breathed in deeply. It was now or never. There was more then the simple disagreements on the phone call.

"You lied to me Lucas". Holding a hand up to stop his interruptions, she shook her head sadly. "Don't deny it... you've been lying to me for years".

"What... Hales I would never lie to you... you're my best friend".

Standing up from the bed, she walked forward a few steps before turning back sharply. Running a hand through her hair, she glared at him.

"... and there it is again. After your phone call the other night, Peyton broke down. Me, Nate and Brooke were there. For the first time since she came back Luke I actually listened to her. She told me what happened... in LA."

"When she turned me down". He said with a raised eyebrow.

Walking forward Haley stopped in front of him and raised her hands in the air frustrated.

"Stop lying to me Lucas. You know when she first came back I was a terrible friend to her because of you. I thought she was the bad person in all of this. She never said no... And you know it. Someday Lucas... that was her answer. She asked you for one year."

"Sounds like - no - to me".

"You are the one that knows her more then anyone. You two have this unbreakable bond... and yet everyone else can see her reasoning apart from you. I love Peyton but she has to be one of the most insecure people I know. She was scared... she hated the thought that you might resent her for taking your dreams away. Not only that you left her in the room without saying goodbye. Did your brain go on vacation at that moment?"

Looking down Lucas cringed at the tone of his friend's voice. Haley had never used such force when speaking to him before. Sighing he returned his gaze to hers.

"I left her because I couldn't face her. All I heard was no Hales. It destroyed me... we had promised to love each other forever and she couldn't agree to spend it with me."

"No... You ran away from her when all she wanted to do was wait. You acted like an idiot Luke. She was in love with you for years while you dated Brooke. She waited for you."

Standing up Lucas walked past Haley and went to his desk. Leaning heavily on the top he sighed. "I have Lindsey now," he said with some conviction.

"I know you do... for some reason every time anyone mentions Peyton you bring up Lindsey. Who are you trying to fool Luke... us or yourself?"

"I love her".

"You love her... enough that you kiss your ex-girlfriend before you get engaged to her"

Turning around quickly he raised a hand and pointed at her, "that's unfair Haley and you know it... Peyton kissed me."

Stepping towards him angrily Haley glared, "Another lie... she may have kissed you but she then stepped away. The one I walked in on was you kissing her."

"She could have pushed me away if she was so innocent".

"Luke the woman LOVES you... she will always respond to you, no matter what you do... and you know that, which makes it your fault."

"You don't know what you're talking about".

"Oh I think I do... you say you've moved on but you keep leading Peyton along. You kiss her before you get engaged; when you're on your honeymoon you tell her, you miss her. You need to let her go Luke... she doesn't need or want your ridiculous attempts to save her anymore".

"Why are you being like this?... the Haley I know has my back".

"Look I will always have you're back. But..." Sighing she looked down as the memories surfaced. Glancing back up at him, she shook her head. "You know Peyton apologised to me the other night. She told me she was sorry because she knew it was hard on me as I was torn between you two. You're making everybody around you uncomfortable and it has to stop."

"I never asked you to choose sides", he said becoming increasingly frustrated.

"No you didn't... but you are my oldest friend and it's always been you. Look, believe it or not I am trying to help you. The way you're going you are not going to have anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay look... Brooke is on Peyton's side... which you cannot blame her for, Nathan wants to hit you, Skills and Mouth both think you need to grow up. You're losing everyone who matters to you".

"What about you?" He said angrily. He had noted how easily she had left herself out of the equation.

"You want to know what I think", seeing him nod she looked down sadly. If he really wanted to know, she was going to tell him. Taking a deep breath, she glanced back up at him. "I think you married the wrong woman".

Reeling back at her words he walked forward, stopping angrily in front of her, "You've never supported me and Lindsey".

Shaking her head she glared back at him, "No you're wrong... I like Lindsey I do... and when I first met her, I thought she was what you needed. But now, seeing the effect Peyton's return has had on you I realised... she was just your stand in".

"No I love her..." he repeated his words from earlier again. This time more forcefully.

"I think you do... but I also think there is a reason you won't let Peyton go".

"Why are you so hell-bent on destroying my marriage?"

Looking at him Haley frowned at his words. She had not meant her side of the argument to come out like that. She never wanted him to think she was trying to destroy his relationship. She just needed him to realize the consequences of his actions.

"I'm not... I'm just trying to get you to stop. You say you want Lindsey then be with her. If that is who you truly want in your heart then you need to leave Peyton alone. I mean it Luke".

"Oh you mean it. You're not my mother Haley".

"No I'm not... I'm your friend, but I am also Peyton's friend and you're hurting her by saying ridiculous things to her. You cannot keep saying you miss her. All this week she had tried so hard to move... and now, she has actually made it to a point where she can be okay with this. You know if you push her too far you will lose your friends."

"Including you?" he asked angrily.

Looking down sadly she sighed. "Nathan is so angry with you. He has seen her battle on all week. Peyton is his best friend and if he chooses her side. If it comes between you and him. I'm on his side Luke... he's my husband."

"So you're going to let Peyton destroy our friendship like this." Seeing his friend continue to look away Lucas spoke without thinking, "Of course you are... Peyton seems to destroy everything I have".

Suddenly a sharp pain on his cheek had his sentence halting. Bringing a hand to his face, he looked at Haley with wide eyes. There she stood with her hand raised and the anger seemed to be rolling off her in waves.

"You are so stupid and arrogant. That woman has done nothing but love you. She may have her faults but she never said she was perfect... you did. Ever since we were kids, you have gone on about making her yours. Well you had her... and you blew it. She doesn't destroy anything... you do".

Standing there shocked, he listened helplessly to her words. "You hit me", he said unbelievable.

"You're lucky it's me you said that to... anyone else probably would have done more. Peyton has done nothing to warrant you being so cruel. You can't say things like when she is not even here to defend herself."

"Hales", he said pleading with her to listen.

"No Luke... you are my best friend and you have been for years. I will always take your side, just like Brooke will always take Peyton's." Taking a deep breath, she stepped back and shook her head sadly. "... But not this time... I cannot find a reason to condone what you're doing. Whenever you played with people's feeling before I let, it slide. But with Peyton... you've gone to far Lucas. If and when you decide to grow up... then we can talk."

With that said, she turned and walked out closing the door behind her. Watching her go Lucas sat down on his bed shocked. His closest friend had given up on him. Furrowing his brow as the sting in cheek flared he rubbed it softly. When he had come back from LA, the lies had rolled off his tongue. He had been to hurt at the time to tell the truth. Then he had somehow convinced himself he was telling the truth. Haley was the only constant he had in his life... without her... His thoughts trailed off as he realized what he had done. She was was right. He had been playing with people's feelings for far too long. Tomorrow he would go and beg Haley for forgiveness after she had cooled of a bit.

Sighing he laid back and felt his head hit the pillow. He needed to fix this entire mess. He did love Lindsey and why should he feel guilty for that. The problem he faced was his inability to let Peyton go. Yawning he closed his eye tiredly and let the sleep come.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As she drove along Haley felt the tears begin to fall. She had just struck her oldest friend. The look of shock on his face had pained her but she was too overwhelmed by anger to care. How could he be so cruel? She had always been against Lucas's inability to commit but what he was doing now was beyond pathetic. He was single handedly destroying Peyton. She had seen them on the Court yesterday. Peyton was the strong one while Lucas just seemed hurt by the fact she was moving on. She knew that maybe she had managed to finally knock some sense into him... it was just a shame it had taken something so drastic. Her hand still stung slightly from where it had connected with his cheek. Sure, she was sorry for what she had done but the annoyance she felt had overwhelmed her at the time.

What was worse, was that she could see in his eyes how he doubted his marriage. He always showed a look of regret whenever he mentioned Lindsey's name. She just hoped the entire situation worked itself out before anyone got truly hurt.

Shaking her head to rid her thoughts she pulled up to the River court and smiled. Nathan and Skills were once again playing against Peyton and Jamie. It amazed her how they never seemed to get bored. Wiping her eyes, she got out of the car and pasted a smile on her face.

"Do you lot not do anything else?" she asked watching Jamie come towards her.

"Mama".

Lifting him up she hugged him closely. Her son always had the ability to make her feel better.

"You're just jealous Hales that the boys all want to play with me". Peyton said laughing as she made her way over.

Coming to stand beside her, Peyton noticed to look on her face.

"What happened".

Shaking her head Haley watched as her husband ran towards her, concern etched on his face. Brooke stepped off the bleachers and came to stand beside Peyton.

"It's nothing... I just got into an argument with Luke".

Feeling a hand on her arm, she turned to Peyton who looked at her guiltily.

"Please tell me it had nothing to do with me".

Giving her a pointed look Haley smiled reassuringly, "its okay... I think it was long overdue".

"Hales", Nathan, said wrapping an arm over her shoulders as Jamie jumped down.

Wiping her face tiredly Haley shook her head, "I slapped him... can you believe I hit my best friend?"

Seeing the look Peyton gave her Brooke shrugged her shoulders, "Don't look at me like that P. Sawyer your deserved it at that moment in time".

Smiling at her friend Peyton turned back to Haley, "What did he do?"

Shrugging her shoulders Haley smiled sadly, "He was just being unreasonable... don't worry about it." Looking at her friend, she put on a brave face and smiled brightly, "Is anyone hungry... I was thinking the new cafe that opened the other day".

Seeing everyone nod she grabbed onto Nathan's hand and held it tightly. Looking at his questioning gaze she waited for the others to walk off before she leant closer to him and whispered, "Later".

With that, the friends all began to pile into their cars to head off for a group lunch. They all decided to ignore the fact that Haley was desperately trying to change the subject.

**xxxxxx**

Evening came and Peyton walked slowly onto the River court. It was peaceful and she loved the silence that came with the scenery. Normally she would have chosen another destination but for some reason she was drawn here. Sitting down on the bleachers, she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. Sometimes she could almost feel herself go back in time to when things were simpler. Sure, she was happy now, but sometimes the 'what ifs' still made themselves known to her thoughts. Earlier had been nice... the new cafe was definately interesting. It represented an old 1960's diner and the roller skates the waiters wore were amusing. Still smiling from the memory she sobered when she remembered Haley's constant depressed smile. She was obviously hiding something from them.

Suddenly the smacking sound on the concrete disturbed her and she opened her eyes sharply. Gasping softly she cursed herself for forgetting the reason this place was now off limits. It was Lucas Scott's healing place after all. If judging by the silence Haley gave earlier, they had fought badly. Tilting her head slightly she took in his appearance. He did look bad. As he noticed her, he smiled shallowly but it never reached his eyes.

Was this what they had become now? Two people who could not live in the same town together due to the pain they caused. Looking down Peyton sighed and went to stand. She should not be here. After yesterday she had made it clear, she wanted nothing to do with him. Walking back to her car she failed to notice the footsteps following her until a hand touched her arm making her jump. Spinning quickly she gazed at Lucas's face. The shadows under his eyes were dark and there was a faint red glow to his cheek. Obviously, Haley had hit him harder then she thought.

"Luke", she sighed tiredly. She needed to go before an argument broke out. She was fed up with fighting with him.

"Did Haley tell you about earlier"?

Nodding she looked down pretending to be interested in something on her shoe. "Yeah, I'm sorry you two had to fight over me".

Shaking his head he laughed hollowly, "It's not your fault. I should have told her the truth years ago... I was just annoyed and frustrated at the time".

Feeling her defence mechanism struggling to go off Peyton looked up, "You're right... you should have".

"Did she say anything about what we said... because I never meant it...?"

Looking down again Peyton closed her eyes. She knew Haley had been hiding something. In some ways, she was thankful that her friend decided not t say anything. Knowing Lucas, it was probably cruel.

"... You don't destroy everything I have".

Looking up sharply as he finished his sentence, she stepped back and whispered brokenly, "What?"

As if he was, a dear caught in the headlights Lucas shook his head and tried to reach out to her, "She did tell you that... didn't she".

Pushing his hand away, Peyton raised her hand to her mouth and felt the tears well behind her eyes. She was in shock that he could ever say anything like that, "No... apparently unlike you Haley cares about me".

"Peyton", he pleaded.

Opening her car door Peyton stopped just before she got in and turned to Lucas, "How could you say something like that... no matter how mad I was I would never speak like that about you. Have you never thought that maybe you destroy everything I have as well."

"Peyton please", he said grabbing hold of her hand as it held the car door.

Pulling her arm away as if it was burned Peyton felt the anger build within her. Glaring at him she sneered, "Don't touch me..."

With that, she got in the car, slammed the door shut and drove out of the court as if the hounds of hell were chasing her. Lucas let his head drop and the tears began to fall. Haley had told him not to hurt her again and he had done just that. She was right. He was not the man he had ever wanted to be as a child. He was without doubt turning into the person he hated more then anyone... his father. Looking up at the fading car Lucas realised the one thing he needed to do. He had to make this right. For once in his life, he was going to chase after Peyton Sawyer.

**xxxxxx**

Slamming the door to her bedroom shut Peyton was relieved that Brooke was out. She did not want to have to explain about her relapse back into the depressive state. Picking up the first album she found, she put it on and lay down on the bed. This was how she healed. The music would help. Suddenly the soft sounds began to play over the speakers and Peyton sighed. As the lyrics began to register in her head a knock on the door brought her from her thoughts.

"Great", she muttered.

She loved her friends but at the moment, she really wanted to wallow in her misery. Standing from the bed, she moved slowly through the house not in a rush to see who the intruder was. Lifting her hand to the door handle, she swung the door open and looked on shocked.

"Hear me out", the person said as they placed their foot in the doorway so she could not shut the door.

Glaring angrily at him Peyton banged the door with her hand, "What part of I've had enough of you... don't you get. You can't say things like that Lucas and then expect me to listen to hollow apologies".

Rubbing his face tiredly, he felt the moisture still faintly on his cheeks. Sighing loudly he moved forward,

"Peyton... I am so sorry. I never meant any of it. You never destroyed anything I had if anything you fixed them. That's what you did to me years ago... you fixed me and I don't regret a minute we were together. I loved you so much when I proposed and I was confused and hurt that you wanted to wait. I realise I was an idiot. If there is, anything in the world I could take back it would be the moment I left that hotel room. I can never apologise enough. All I want is for you to forgive me... I want to be friends with you... I do."

Taking a deep breath, he brought a hand up to her cheek and rubbed his thumb over the smooth skin there. "… but Haley told me to leave you alone... and if that's what you want... then I will".

Nodding she kept the anger written on her face. He had hurt her and she wanted to be left alone. The hand on her cheek was destroying the walls she had built inside and she was trying to ignore the feelings that were stiring. She desperately wanted to believe his words but she had heard so many lies from him before... she could not trust him. Although, a part of her was slightly confused by this situation. Lucas Scott had actually chased after her. Suddenly she remembered Lindsey and what she would say if she could see this scene. Her heart closed off and the all too familiar walls replaced themselves.

"Yeah I do". She said after some time. It would hurt but she could not need him... he was not hers to pine for anymore.

He was at a loss for words. In some ways, he had expected this but to hear it still hurt. He had to just live with her choice. Nodding dejectedly, he gazed at her face, absorbing everything he could. He had a feeling this would be the last time he saw her for a while.

"Okay... I should go... I really am sorry".

Frowning slightly he turned to leave and was halted by her voice, "Luke".

Spinning he looked at her and could not keep the small look of hope adorning his face.

"You need to give me time... but I don't think we can be friends. It hurts too much... I will be civil to you for the sake of our friends... but we can't go back to how we were in High School when we hung out. We're differant people now." Sighing she let the door slowly begin to close as she said her last words, "Be happy Luke... you've chosen to love Lindsey so just... be happy".

As the door closed, she leant against it heavily and felt the final chapter of her longing for the man who owned her heart close. It was over and she could breathe again. She had not been lying when she told him to be happy. As much as it would ache for a while, she needed to move on. Pulling away from the door, she smiled softly and walked to her bedroom. She suddenly felt the need to re-decorate... but first she needed call Derek.

**xx**

Outside in the driveway Lucas stood with his hands in his pockets. She had closed the door on him but he had heard her final words. He knew she still loved him and he was breaking inside. He had finally chased away the one girl who had promised to love him forever. Sighing he turned and began the long walk home. With Lindsey in New York, Haley not speaking to him, and Peyton wanting nothing to do with him he was lost.

As he neared his house, he was getting that nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had his inspiration back and he felt the need to write. Running the rest of the way he burst through his door and made his way to his computer. He knew that it was due to Peyton that he was writing again. She was the only one who could bring out the appropriate emotions he needed. As the words flowed onto the screen, he managed to type well into the night ignoring the constant ringing of his phone. He knew he should answer it but he did not want to talk to Lindsey. His writers block had gone and he needed to tell the story that once again Peyton Sawyer had managed to inspire him to write. This would be his third and final novel. After all his inspiration had just said she wanted nothing more to do with him.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: So I hope you like that chapter I was a bit stumped on whether or not to have the Leyton scene at the end. Also I would like to know whether Haley was the right person to slap Lucas. I know some of you said she should but others said it would be slightly out of character. Which I sort of think made it work... it would have the most effect on him. So tell me what you think.**

**Anyway, the actual reason I'm writing another note here is that I need suggestions. The next chapter will be when Lindsey returns. I need a reason for everyone to get together (and when I say everyone, that means the entire group with Linsdey there as well). I don't want to do just a night at Tric I want something different. So ideas are good if you have them... not Jamie's party though because that will be coming up later.**


	14. Dizzy

**A/N: Sorry about the late update but this chapter had me completely baffled. I wrote numerous different scenarios and could not find one that fit. Thank you for all of your suggestions, they helped a lot. All of them were really good so I decided that I would definitely incorporate them at some point in this story... the next chapter will have a few. **

**Now I was going to have the entire chapter set a few days later but... because you were all so nice about the fact I made Haley hit Lucas I decided the apology should be in here. Therefore the entire thing is set the following day.**

**Enjoy.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_You close your eyes and kiss your hand, then you blow it  
But it isn't meant for me… and I notice  
If the choice was ours alone  
Then why'd we both choose letting go?  
Does it end like this?_

Time never had a chance to heal your heart  
Just a number always counting down to a new start  
If you always knew the truth  
Then the world would spin around you  
Are you dizzy yet?

Respectfully, some honesty I'm calling out  
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?  
Back away to the safety of a quiet house  
If there's half a chance in this moment, when your eyes meet mine, we show it off

_(Jimmy eat World - Dizzy)_

The ball bounced methodically on the tarmac and Lucas felt himself become lost in the repetition. The simple action seemed to be hypnotizing. For a few minutes now, he had been standing there and did not seem inclined to move anytime soon.

"Are you going to make a shot... or are you just trying to make a hole in the ground", said a voice off to his side.

Broken from his thoughts he glanced up at the basket, jumped off the ground and threw the ball. Not bothering to see whether it had been successful, he turned to the newcomer as the sound of the chains rattled signalling his hollow triumph.

"Have you come to inflict bodily harm?" Lucas said tilting his head questioningly.

As the ball rolled over to him, Nathan lifted it from the ground and squeezed it gently between his hands. Considering the question he sighed and then answered.

"You upset your best friend... who also happens to be my wife. So yeah, I was going to kick your squinty arse."

"Well why aren't you?" Lucas asked confused by his brother's lack of interest.

"You sound like you want me too". Nathan said smirking lightly, bouncing the ball back to Lucas.

"No... I'm just curious to know what's stopping you".

"Peyton was round this morning. I heard about what you said yesterday... to be truthful, she and Haley had to stop me from leaving there and then... but do you really want to know why I changed my mind about hurting you".

Seeing the shake of Lucas's head Nathan continued, "Peyton said you weren't worth it".

Looking down Lucas frowned. That statement hurt worse then any punch his brother could have thrown.

At the lack of response Nathan sighed again, "Look Luke...I've had your back for years... but lately I can't help but think that's she's right... and I'm not the only one."

"What do I do?" Lucas asked sadly.

"She loves you and you hurt her... apologize and pray she forgives you".

"Peyton hates me".

Laughing at his ridiculous brother Nathan shook his head, "I was talking about Haley. You know Luke sometimes you're so blind to your own feelings you amaze me".

"What do you mean?"

"You'll figure it out big brother... hopefully sooner than later." Nathan replied cryptically.

With that, he turned around and walked back to his car. Lucas was turning into the one person Nathan hated with a vengeance... their father. He just hoped his brother could redeem himself before he lost everyone who mattered.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Leaning back in the chair Peyton lifted her hands and massaged her temple. She loved Brooke..., she loved her birthday present... but the persistent hammering, and drilling was beginning to grate on her. Sighing she closed her eyes and let her arms drop taking a minute to listen to the quite. Thankfully, the builders had left for lunch which mean she had - lifting an arm she cracked her eyes open and glanced at her watch - exactly thirty-one minutes before the noise started again.

Shifting her body, she tried to get comfortable in the chair. However there was something digging in her back and she gave up the fight. Sighing she got up from the table and walked to the door. As she pulled it open, she was met with two of the men in her life.

"Well well well... to what do I owe this pleasure", she asked crouching down.

"Aunt P..." Jamie said excitedly as he jumped into her arms.

Laughing Nathan shook his head at his son's actions. Sometimes he swore that boy loved Peyton and Brooke more than him. He was definitely going to be a heartbreaker when he was older.

Letting go of her nephew Peyton stood and hugged Nathan.

"My son here decided that he wanted to see you as he missed you this morning".

Laughing Peyton looked down and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"... Aw sorry about that but you were sleeping."

"I know... that's why I'm here now", Jamie said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Stepping back Peyton turned and walked to the small couch she received yesterday. After having Brooke continuously moan about the uncomfortable desk chairs she had caved to her friends wishes of a soft place to sit. Taking a seat she smiled as Jamie took his place on her lap. Signalling Nathan to sit beside them she nodded to the bag in his hand.

"What's in there"?

Realising he was still holding his package Nathan smiled,

"Jamie thought we could all do lunch... so..."

With that, he pulled out an assortment of sandwiches and drinks and arranged them on the small table in front of the couch.

"Wow Nate, how many people are joining us exactly?"

Shrugging he looked at his friend as a knock sounded out on the door. Getting up he walked over and pulled the door open before moving back to the couch. Peyton smiled as she watched Skills and Mouth come through the open space.

"Hey Guys what brings you here".

"Girl you know we can't stay away from you". Skills said wheeling a chair away from the desk.

"You're here for the food aren't you," Peyton said laughing.

"Damn she really knows me", he answered reaching forward to swipe a sandwich.

"You're not exactly a closed book", Mouth added grabbing a drink from the table.

Taking the sandwich that Jamie offered her Peyton laughed. The arrival of her friends had managed to cure her. Noise may have been the cause for her headache but it also seemed to be the cure.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

He had been standing on the doorstep for a total of ten minutes. Looking at his watch Lucas rolled his eyes... make that twelve minutes. Sighing loudly, he berated himself for his cowardice. This had to be done... she was his best friend. Gently, he lifted his hand and pressed a finger to the doorbell.

**xx**

The Scott residence was quieter then normal... mainly because Nathan and Jamie had gone to see Peyton. Sprawled out on the couch, Haley was catching up on paperwork. Stifling yet another yawn, she straightened up trying to concentrate on the essays in front of her. Unfortunately, she was convinced the pile was growing by the minute.

She was incredibly tired and for that, she blamed Lucas. Yesterday had without doubt been one of the worst days she had experienced for a while. Sure, the two friends had, had arguments before but never to this proportion.

After dinner she had told Nathan in detail what had happened. Then she had, had to hold his arm in a vice like grip to stop him from marching to Lucas's house. Her husband had without doubt been furious. Her tears and pleading had worked and eventually Nathan was calm enough to leave the matter alone.

Sometimes her husband really did live up to his protector status. Sobering slightly she amended her statement. She should not need protecting from Lucas. She was still angry with him. Never before had she ended an argument with physical violence. That was normally Peyton and Brooke's thing... she was Haley... the calm one.

Peyton had been round that morning to talk. Apparently, she had hated the thought that Haley had fought with Lucas about her. It amazed Haley how selfless the other woman could be. Of course, once Nathan had heard the rest of the story he had gone to storm off again. Unable to stop him she had watched as her husband had stood to leave only to be stopped by Peyton. Or more importantly Peyton's words.

By telling him that Lucas 'was not worth it', she had managed to diffuse any vengeful thoughts that had taken refuge in Nathan's head. Haley had just stood there sadly, as she realised that for once they might be right. Lucas was beginning to not be worth the effort.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and she sighed. Getting up would mean disturbing the paperwork that surrounded her. As the chiming repeated, she resigned herself to answering the door. Carefully she managed to stand without dropping any of the piles of paper on the floor.

Walking slowly to the door she did not bother to see who was the other side before she swung it open.

"Great", she muttered glancing at the person.

"That's the second time in twenty four hours I've had that greeting... I'm starting to feel un-loved", Lucas, said trying to break the ice.

"What do you want Luke?"

"Can we talk?" he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.

"Is there anything to say?" She answered sadly.

"Hales can I come in... I need to explain."

"I'm still angry at you Luke".

"I know, and I deserve it... but I swear just one minute".

"Fine... "

"No hitting me though", he said holding his hands up.

"I never meant to hit you and I am sorry... but you deserved it".

Stepping to the side, she allowed Lucas to pass where he stopped to wait for her to close the door. Leading the way she went through to the dining room and took a seat waiting for her friend to copy her actions.

Folding his hands on the table Lucas looked down. After he had written well into the night, he had laid in bed thinking of ways to apologise. However, his entire plan had gone out of the window as soon as Nathan had spoken to him on the Court. His brother had been right... and he hated that. All he knew was that he needed to make things right between him and Haley.

"Look Luke..."

"I'm sorry," he said interrupting her. Looking up he winced at her small glare. She was still mad which meant this was going to be harder then he thought. Breathing deeply he continued, "I am so sorry Haley. I never meant to lie to you... I just..."

"I'm not annoyed because you lied to me... I'm annoyed because you never told me the truth".

Chuckling slightly Lucas raised an eyebrow at the statement, "Isn't that the same thing".

"No... Look if you had told the truth when you had first come back from LA, I would have said what an idiot you were. You and Peyton could have been happy all these years... but you were too stupid".

Reaching across the table, he grabbed her hand and held it. He was not sure whether the action was to comfort him or her.

"You're right... I just couldn't tell you, I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't want your sympathy... and I will always regret that... but I am happy now Hales... I promise".

"Luke..." she sighed. His persistent attempt at trying to be okay when he clearly was not was starting to annoy her.

"Okay look... I do regret what happened with Peyton... and part of me will always care for her. However, I married Lindsey, I chose her. Me and Peyton..."

"Peyton and I".

Rolling his eyes at her correction he continued, "Peyton and I... just hurt each other. I cannot do it any more Hales. Now you're my best friend... you're meant to support me. You're the person I should be able to turn to when I think I made a mistake. I need you to be able to tell me that marrying Lindsey was the right thing to do".

"I want to Luke... but..."

"Anyway Peyton wants nothing to do with me." Lucas said interrupting her again.

"Has she actually said that"?

"Only numerous times", he answered sadly.

"That's your fault... you should never have kissed her. My God Luke you just don't get it do you." Haley said frustrated.

"What"

"Okay look... you say you can't do it anymore... this thing with Peyton."

"Yeah".

"Then why did you see her last night", Haley asked accusingly.

"Peyton told you." Lucas countered angrily.

"No she didn't actually... Brooke did. She called last night because she was concerned about Peyton's sudden need to re-decorate. Apparently she's decided that the room represented her past... or something like that."

"How does that have anything to do with me"?

"Sometimes Lucas Scott, I swear you're an idiot... She wants to let you go. Now in Peyton's mind, re-decorating will do that... but that is beside the point... I asked you to do one thing and you couldn't even make one day".

"It wasn't like that... She was at the River court... I didn't even know she was there and then I accidentally told her about the argument. So I went after her when she ran off".

"You followed after her?"

"Yes I know... Lucas Scott finally decides to chase Peyton Sawyer... too little too late though".

"Aren't you always when it comes to her?"

As silence spread throughout the room at her statement, Haley looked down at her hands. To fill the void the quietness had created she changed the subject slightly.

"Nate wanted to hurt you this morning".

"I know he told me earlier".

"You saw him... where's your bruises then".

Frowning Lucas looked down at the table, "He said that Peyton's words had calmed him down... apparently I'm not worth the effort".

"Luke..."

"I understand okay... I've hurt her and she's entitled to hate me... I just... she's never been like that with me. Sure, she sometimes ignored me but... I swear that last night she actually managed to look right through me. I don't know what to do..."

Rolling her eyes at his obvious ignorance of his own feelings, Haley answered him,

"I told you yesterday... you have to let her go. She only pretends to hate you because it's easier."

"Easier then what exactly?"

"... Loving you... all she knows how to do is love you Luke... and you have showed her constantly that you don't want her anymore. I know in your novel you claimed you would love Peyton Sawyer forever... but I think its time you try working on loving your wife forever instead... remember, the woman you said you chose."

Lowering his head Lucas closed his eyes. He had to somehow erase the words he had once immortalised in the pages of his novel. For the first time since he had been a child, Lucas Scott was going to love someone other then Peyton Sawyer.

Or he was at least going to try.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**2 hours later**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Lunch had been great and Peyton had really enjoyed her friend's company. After they had left she had gone back to work for an hour but then the noise became too much. Deciding that she would probably get more done at home, she had left.

The houses passed by quickly and the wind whipped through her hair as she drove through the streets. These were the moments she cherished most. Since she was able to drive her healing had always been done behind the wheel. Her beloved Comet had the top down so she could feel the air around her. It was definitely a strange reason... but to her it made sense.

Listening to the music that blasted through the speakers, she smiled at the lyrics. It was Mia on the radio and the pride she felt had etched a permanent smile onto her face. As the song finished she turned to reach for the CD she knew was on the backseat. With one hand on the wheel, she glanced quickly behind her as she located the elusive item. Snatching it up, she turned back around and let out a cry.

Using her feet to slam down the brakes as hard as possible, she cringed and closed her eyes tightly as the car stopped. Not feeling the jolt of a body hitting her bonnet she slowly opened one eye to check. She had been lucky... they were still standing. Suddenly the man turned his head, and her eyes opened fully as she was sent back in time by her memories.

**xx**

_Speeding around the corner, she nodded her head in time to the music. The game had finished and she had chosen to go home alone. Who knew where Nathan had gotten to. Deciding to change the song she picked up the lose CD on the dashboard. As she glanced at the name on it, she put it back down and grabbed the one off the seat. That disc was no more interesting than the other was. _

_Remembering the collection on the backseat, she threw down the CD in her hand and looked behind her. Leaning right back, she lifted herself off the seat keeping one hand on the wheel. With the other, she sifted through the small pile and lifted one up which caught her attention._

_As she was reading it she turned her head slightly to glance quickly back at the road. Eyes widening at the sight she sat back down quickly and replaced her hand on the wheel. Cringing she hit the brakes as hard as possible and turned her head to her lap. She really did not want to see the body bounce over her car._

_As the car came to an abrupt halt, she counted slowly in her head to three to check she was okay. Not feeling a bang from a possible collision, she chanced looking up. Lifting her head slowly she noticed the boy in front of her. What kind of idiot crosses the road without looking? What kind of idiot has their eyes on the back seat instead of the road?.. her mind amended _

_The boy turned and stepped back shocked. The basketball he had bounced landed in his hands as he glanced at her. Watching as he pulled his hood down and removed his headphone from his ear, she waited for him to react. She was thinking he would probably shout at her... or even a rude hand gesture. She was not expecting the intense stare he seemed to be giving her. The one that seemed to be looking right through her and into her soul._

**xx**

Letting go of the wheel Peyton jumped out of the car and ran to the slightly shocked man. Forgetting about her new rule and... Well everything she had thought about him in the last week, she grabbed onto him. With her arms around his neck, Peyton clung onto Lucas as she began to shake.

"Oh my God Luke... I'm so sorry".

The re-creation of the scene from years ago had, had Lucas taking another trip down memory lane. At her words, he was pulled back to the present and the currently shaken woman who was holding onto him for dear life. Frowning slightly he realised his arms were also around her. Obviously, his sub-conscious reflexes were taking the opportunity to relish this moment. Closing his eyes, he held her tighter as the familiar clenching feeling in his chest began.

He knew he had promised Haley he would let Peyton go... but she had hold of him. Surely, that would pass as a mitigating circumstance. Realising he had yet to answer her he opened his eyes and nodded,

"I'm fine..."

Meanwhile a few tears had begun to course their way down her cheek as Peyton buried her head in his shoulder. Not only was the shock of the near miss in her mind but the realisation that she had missed this. The simple action of being held by Lucas seemed to fill the small empty space she had in her stomach. For a while now she had tried to fill it with various different things... but now she knew. The comfort he could bring her was the thing she missed most.

"I could have killed you". She said pulling away and taking a step back.

Shaking her head slowly she looked at him. He was doing that thing she loved. The squinting of his eyes, which he would always do when he was trying to figure her out. It was almost as if partially closing his eyes would help him see through her. That was the look he had given her all those years ago. If only she knew then how much he would change her life. For one she certainly would have done things differently.

Seeing the tear tracks on her cheeks Lucas frowned. He hated to see her cry, it was his weakness. Reaching forward he wiped a stray tear from her cheek with his hand brushing some hair from her face at the same time.

Unconsciously she leant into the touch and kept her gaze on his face. Later she would hate herself for the action... but at the moment, it was stopping her tears.

"I'm okay... besides I know you would never hurt me". He said quietly.

Nodding she smiled and lifted her hands to wipe her face as he moved his arm away. Laughing emptily she tried to lighten the mood,

"So which scene shall we re-create now"?

Smiling Lucas shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. Even though it seemed like a simple, light-hearted joke, the question was also loaded. Raising an eyebrow, he nodded towards the car,

"You know most sane people have their CD's in the front".

"Yeah... I like to be different".

Nodding he smiled at her answer and watched as she moved back to the car door.

"I need to go... but I really am sorry".

As she sat in her seat, his voice halted her when she went to turn the key in the ignition.

"Peyton..." Grabbing her attention, he smiled softly and tilted his head. "My mum told me about the studio..."

"Yeah, it was Brooke's birthday present to me. I was going to ask you if it was okay... I know it's your space..."

"Peyton", he said slightly loudly interrupting her rambling, "I think it's a great idea... and I really am happy for you. If building a studio means you're one-step closer to greatness then do it. You're not different Peyton Sawyer... you're special".

With that, he turned and walked off leaving Peyton sitting there confused by the sudden change in events. Obviously something had happened to him... either that or he was trying to play a game. Rolling her eyes, she sped off down the road. She would never understand that man completely.

Once again, Lucas Scott managed to make her life more difficult and leave her confused.

Why could that man not just stick to the pavements?

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_The cool breeze drifted along and swept around the group as they stood on the concrete of the River Court. Looking around wildly Lucas sighed as he took in the faces of his friends. They all stood in a line facing him with Peyton in the middle. Walking forward he moved towards her and gazed around confused._

_"Peyton" he asked only to be interrupted by what sounded like his own voice._

_"I was now and always would be in love with Peyton Sawyer"._

_Bringing a hand to his mouth he tried to stop the words but realised he had not actually spoken. Noticing the blank stares from the people before him, he stepped back._

_"It was a simple moment of clarity"._

_"Who is that", Lucas shouted becoming frustrated with hearing the words he wrote._

_"Direction... beauty... and meaning"._

_Angrily Lucas walked up to Peyton and went to grasp her arms only to be knocked away. Turning to the person who had pushed him Lucas rolled his eyes._

_"You"._

_Laughing his clone stepped in front of Peyton and adopted a protective stance._

_"Of course it's me..."_

_"What do you want... who keeps talking?" Lucas asked confused by the situation._

_"Shut up and listen"._

_Throwing his arms up in frustration Lucas lifted his head to the sky and waited. Sure enough the voice continued._

_"He knew in his heart that someday it would return to him... and his world would be whole again."_

_"What the hell is this", Lucas said annoyed at the lack of answers. Stepping forward his clone moved an arm back and brought it forward hitting Lucas in the chin._

_The force of the punch had Lucas flying backwards and landing on the floor. Lifting a hand to his chin he rubbed it not even realising it did not hurt. Coming to a stand quickly he looked up and noticed everyone had vanished apart from Peyton. Waking towards her again, he focused on the tears that fell down her cheeks._

_"Peyton"._

_This time he managed to attract her attention and breathed a small sigh of relief when she gazed at him. Reaching out to her, his heart clenched as she stepped back and shook her head._

_"Peyton what is this"._

_"Those are your words Lucas... you wrote them and only you can erase them."_

_Suddenly the scene changed and he took in his new surroundings. He was in Tric or more importantly her office. Suddenly a book came flying at him and he ducked to narrowly avoid it. Looking up he watched Peyton move to throw another one._

_"You said I was great"_

_Ducking again, he felt the wind on his cheek that was caused by the book flying past._

_"You said I could be great"._

_Yet another book flew at him and this time caught him slightly on the cheek. He never felt any pain but still cringed at the thought of the contact._

_"You said we were destined to be together. You said it the world... you said it to me... and I wish you never had because you did not mean any of it"._

_As the fight left her, he watched her raise a hand to her mouth in shock. Walking forward he grabbed onto her arms and pulled her towards him. Feeling her shake with emotion, he dropped to the floor to cushion her fall as her legs gave way. Embracing her tightly he rocked back and forth as her tears stopped. _

_"Erase the words Luke"._

_Looking up he glanced from the woman in his arms to his persistent clone._

_"I... what?" He said barely getting the words out in confusion._

_Glancing back down he brushed the hair from her face as she sighed tiredly. Hearing the other man's words he sighed._

_"You need to write a new story... let her go. You say you've moved on but your novels suggest otherwise. She's your inspiration Lucas... find a new one... erase your words"._

**xx**

Sharply he woke up and looked around wildly. He was in his room. The dreams seemed to be getting worse with every night that passed. The memories of that night in her office had him cringing. She had been so hurt. At the time, his first instinct had been to comfort her... that was why he had left so abruptly.

Running a hand tiredly through his hair he looked at the clock. It was only 3.40. That meant he had hours before he needed to be up. It also meant he had more then enough time to dream again. It was pointless trying to fight it.

Laying back down he rested his head on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. The words from his dream circled around his head.

"_Erase the words"._

Thinking about them, he frowned. Was he meant to destroy the new novel he was writing? Peyton inspired it again. Glancing over at his computer, he shook his head. He could never do that... the novel was going to be the final part of the story he needed to tell. Without much thought, he came to a decision. He could live with the dreams that were likely to plague him until he was finished. Not only that sometimes they had a positive side.

In the dream he had just awoken from he had actually managed to do what he had wished he could have at the time. He had gone to her and held her when she had broken down. That was what he had wanted to do so much in reality. With his eyes shut, he began to drift off, his thoughts still churning around. If the dreams meant he could heal his broken memories then he would welcome them... especially if they meant he could hold and protect Peyton.

The feelings that flowed through his body were strange. Somehow, the dream had awoken his desire to be her saviour. He had felt the emotion before... only once though. Recalling the time, he realised it had been when he and Peyton were in...

Trailing off he opened his eyes quickly as the shock froze his body. The only noise in the room were the words that fell shocked from his lips.

"It isn't love... it can't be".

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Tell me what you think no matter what it may be. None of you are getting fed up with the dreams are you... they're kind of fun to write cause it can be about anything. Here is a small heads up.**

**In the next two chapters there will be:**

**A gathering**

**An announcement about the new novel**

**A moment of clarity**

**And a few flashbacks involving Lucas and Peyton **

**PS. If anyone has any ideas or episode suggestions that could have had a Leyton scene tell me. You can even say what kind of things you want in the flashback. It can also be just an extended scene.**


End file.
